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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 05-05-2011, 12:16 PM   #181 (permalink)
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Default Re: caught him again

Mr. Para knows that. He is fully aware of what he's doing.

It's up to Para to squash the BS.
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Old 05-05-2011, 12:18 PM   #182 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by WhereAmI View Post
It's not the kissing, touching, loving, or feeling of safety that turns a woman off. It's knowing that she can do whatever she wants because her man has no boundaries. You can be as nice as you want as long as you're unwilling to put up with her ****.
Yeah, you know I saw something interesting once. I don't recall where exactly. Essentially it examined the roles and characteristics of the alpha male, beta male, and the omega male in the animal kingdom and how instinctively as part of nature and evolution females were drawn to or naturally repulsed by certain qualities often at a subcontious level...

Even if women say they want a nice guy, a sensitive guy... That is a sharp edge to walk, because if you teeter over and a women senses weakness... You might as well be a sexual lepper.. Weakness is *Evolutionary Kryponite* in the animal kingdom.
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Old 05-05-2011, 12:22 PM   #183 (permalink)
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I don't think this is gender-specific. Nobody wants a doormat, male or female.
Very true.
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Old 05-05-2011, 12:40 PM   #184 (permalink)
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What does he allege would make things good at home? He has to know what he wants if he's going to complain about what he doesn't. If he doesn't know, there's his assignment for ic.
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Old 05-05-2011, 12:47 PM   #185 (permalink)
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I didn't tell him that Turn for the sheer reason, I am pretty sure he had been drinking, and I didn't want the talk to escalate into an arguement. I figured I'd address that if he initiated contact again. He isn't bowling me over with this "she is encouraging me to go back to you" and "she defends you alot," It is a self serving way for her to make herself look good, "she has changed alot in 16 years" I am not falling for this crap defense of this stupid wench. Homeboy can spout his bull**** all he wants, I am NOT falling for it. He needs time, fine, I am not begging. I told him that when, I am pretty confident in the word WHEN he comes around he'd best pray that I am not so jaded that I am just done, I told him that was a very strong possibility. If this stupid woman didn't have ulterior motives, she would say to him, "Ok, I have feelings for you, but you are married, if it doesn't work out between you and your wife, and the timing is right, call me." Or not even admit that you have feelings for him at all, that is what a REAL woman who doesn't ulterior motives would do. His head is just as far up his rectum as it always was, but whatever, today I don't care, he can dig himself into his lonely little grave if he wants to. I have my me and my kids, and my nephew and son are gonna go fly kites soon, he is missing all of this, and that's his problem.
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Old 05-05-2011, 12:53 PM   #186 (permalink)
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What does he allege would make things good at home? He has to know what he wants if he's going to complain about what he doesn't. If he doesn't know, there's his assignment for ic.
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Dipsmack says that he needs to get himself mentally healthy to make good long term decisions. All well and good if HE WASN'T LEANING ON STOOPID BEOTCH FOR "ADVICE!!!!" He isn't sure if he wants to be alone or with me. He needs time to decide if his feelings are with me or not, blah blah blah blah, FOG FOG FOG FOG, Pull head out of rectum time, *giggle* In a relationship he wants what we all want in a good relationship, he's just not sure he wants it with me. Whateves, he can have it with me, but he can face his kids if he wants to leave, he can face them if he decides that our family is done. I can guarantee without a shadow of a doubt that down the road he will feel the pain that I am feeling right now, and regret it like crazy, when he loses the woman that loved him more than anyone else ever could, that knew him inside and out, that was his best friend, then he can let that haunt him for the rest of his life, and if that happens, I hope it does haunt him.
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Old 05-05-2011, 12:59 PM   #187 (permalink)
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Doesn't someone normally get mentally healthy by going to a pdoc, doing some therapy, maybe going to church, meditating, yoga, something other than talking to someone who may be as lost as you?
Dipsmack made me smile.

Is he willing to consider some real help.from people with some experience? To go outside his comfort zone a bit so he might obtain a broader view? He's too close to the situ and she's too close to him.
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Old 05-05-2011, 01:00 PM   #188 (permalink)
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Cool, paramore. You handle things much better than I ever would. You're doing great.
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Old 05-05-2011, 01:01 PM   #189 (permalink)
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Doesn't someone normally get mentally healthy by going to a pdoc, doing some therapy, maybe going to church, meditating, yoga, something other than talking to someone who may be as lost as you?
Dipsmack made me smile.

Is he willing to consider some real help.from people with some experience? To go outside his comfort zone a bit so he might obtain a broader view? He's too close to the situ and she's too close to him.
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He has no reason to get help, in his mind, because he's getting what he wants. Unfortunately.
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Old 05-05-2011, 01:09 PM   #190 (permalink)
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He has every reason. This isn't a minor decision. Like everyone else though, it is frightening to look yourself deeply in the eyes. Further, how can he be getting what he wants? If he's into ow and it isn't physical, he's having only a partial relationship. If he's not sure about his marriage, he's not getting what he wants there either.

He's likely trapped by fear.
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Old 05-05-2011, 01:10 PM   #191 (permalink)
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Yeah, he went to one IC, and thinks he can do this all on his own, it's up to him to get help. He thinks this OW is helping him. Now he has been listening to his sister as well, who has been through this cheating thing, as her ex H cheated on her. She actually told him that I justified and that she would be reacting the same as I, GO TEAM PARAMORE. Now, I am not sure how she feels about him speaking with this woman, I don't think she wants to get put in a position where she is put in the middle of her brother and sis in law, and that's perfectly fine, I left that one lie.

Ok, this is just for laughs. How about I call my OM, and have him give me relationship advice, I will dial him on the phone right now, it's ok right? I mean he is a good guy, and makes good moral decisions, so I should really listen to his advice right? I should take him at his word and really listen to him when he defends my husband. I mean, this guy really knows me, and with his past history, he has really learned from it, so he's qualified to give me advice. (again this is supposed to be funny) Doesn't it just sound ridiculous just reading it? It's so funny that this is the kind of **** that is going through my husbands head right now. It's the kind of **** that comedies are written for. My GOD I could write a book about this, it'd be a hit. On the other hand, even though this woman is a maggot infested ***** hole, if she wants to "defend" me, and "encourage him to come back to me" then let her, maybe it'll work to my advantage LOL!!!!!! At some point and time, beotch will slip up, and he can fall, I won't be there to catch him, but maybe I'll be there when he is ready to come home and commit, and I say MAYBE. I more than likely would with the right boundaries and conditions in place, but I am going to say maybe for now.

LOL that comment above was supposed to be ***** hole, as in ***** infection, the obscenity filter here is funny.

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Old 05-05-2011, 01:14 PM   #192 (permalink)
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No clip he wasn't getting what he needed from me in our marriage, and neither was I, we didn't listen to the cries from help from each other, hence where we are now. Before I found out about this last thing, he was getting some emotional needs met by me, because I have come leaps and bounds, but he started up again with her, because I don't think he was really "over" her, so he turned to her for his other "emotional needs", and was sleeping with me, basically cake eating. While it hurt like ****, I am glad I found out, because who knows how long I would have been used like that.

He should have every reason right now to want to get help, he's just all messed up in his head right now, he's justifying, he's minimizing, he's doing all sorts of stupid ****. He at this time does believe he's getting everything he needs in his present state, no one can help him from himself.
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Old 05-05-2011, 01:25 PM   #193 (permalink)
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What does her bf know about this? Don't you think he'd be rightly threatened to know your h would move out and think, fine, over, over his GF? Id be.

Doesn't he deserve to know?
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Old 05-05-2011, 01:34 PM   #194 (permalink)
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Tried to find him the first time, but from what I hear, he's cheated on her several times, so I highly doubt he'd even care.....and it doesn't sound like she cares enough to leave, what a healthy environment to bring a baby up in...oh no, he moved out because I made him after discovering, and partially did because he couldn't handle the "pressure" of constantly talking about this crap, which I understand can get tiring, and because he didn't want to be spied on, whatever baby, hope you enjoy living out of garbage bags for a long time, and pray you don't overstay your welcome at sisters, because you can't afford your own place. I don't mean to sound like a *****, but I can easily switch extra money into another account so he can't access it, he doesn't have the pw to the online bank account LOL.
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Old 05-05-2011, 01:40 PM   #195 (permalink)
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Para, you have GOT to tell the boyfriend. Seriously.
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