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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » caught him again

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 05-09-2011, 10:33 PM   #256 (permalink)
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13th, from alot of overhearing I am gathering, evidently me locking myself in different rooms and going other places in the house wasn't good enough, but it is what it is, I will be getting him into counseling and undoing the damage. I am not being his doormat anymore, he knows exactly what needs to happen in order to ever come home, and I will NOT waver. I am undecided how long I am going to wait, I don't want to put a time limit on it now when I am so back and forth in between anger/sadness/pity. I won't wait forever. Turnera, my girls have been doing alot to help, unfortunately, they aren't the best at it, lol, for many years when I tried to institute rules and chores and whatnot, he never backed me up, told me I was being to hard on them, well dude isn't here now, **** is gonna change, and my girls aren't gonna like it lol. He's not here, I am going to raise my children the way I choose to, chores, earning stuff. Daddy was very permissive, and never backed me up, my girls are in for a very rude awakening. Someone has to step up and raise these kids right, I am tired of being all of their doormat. My inner hardass had been beaten down for so long, I lost her, she's baaaaaack.

By fault of my own, I didn't stand up to my husband and insist that we be harder on them, there were things that he felt I should do, like the chores for the horses, because I am the one that wanted them, well you know what? I had to go and help feed bottle lambs that were my uncles, they weren't mine. It's part of being in a household. If I am cooking them dinner, there's no reason they can't water the horses, am I supposed to cook supper, do dishes, AND do the chores? My husband has gotten so skewed for so long, he doesn't know which end is up anymore. Yes I could have the girls start dinner and I could do the chores, but I am already in the house, and start it at a certain time, and besides if I say you do it, you do it. My eldest has massive attitude for her age, and she doesn't like it that I am calling her on it, this is gonna be an interesting ride.....but hopefully they will respect me for actually helping them shape good habits, and not look back fondly at dad for letting them get away with murder most of the time.

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Old 05-09-2011, 11:06 PM   #257 (permalink)
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Just make sure you explain everything every step of the way.

The way I did it was "I'm your mom. It's not my job to be your friend. It's my job to raise you to be a happy, confident, capable adult. Part of how I do that is teaching you how to run a household. And if you want to spend the next 5-6 years mad at me, that's your choice. It won't change my love. But it will end up making your high school years stressful - so it's up to you how you deal with the fact that, since I'm not going to change my decisions."

In other words, they need to see your strength AND your love.

You should go to Daughters.com. It is an awesome website for parents of daughters aged 10-18.
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Old 05-09-2011, 11:13 PM   #258 (permalink)
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I will check it out right now and bookmark it.
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Old 05-09-2011, 11:24 PM   #259 (permalink)
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Good! I'm always excited when I get people to try them. It was started by a divorced dad who wanted to find ways to keep connected to his daughters. They used to have a newsletter, and DD20 and I would sit down and read through it, and discuss all the topics, which she was often too reticent to discuss with me on her own. It gave us a way to talk about things.
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Old 05-10-2011, 06:54 AM   #260 (permalink)
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Good for you Para. My kids always thought I was hard on them. Now both my son and oldest daughter thank me for all the life lessons that has made their live's better and easier as adults. Your kid's may not appreciate what doing now but i guarantee they will later.
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Old 05-10-2011, 07:56 AM   #261 (permalink)
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Para hang in there darlin! You know I'm here for ya... and if you need a night out let me know I'll drive up there and drag your a$$ out! lol
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Old 05-10-2011, 09:54 AM   #262 (permalink)
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LOL Lily, I woke up this morning, and it was weird for the first time I didn't miss him like crazy, why would I? With the way he is treating me, I am starting to think of him as the enemy, which to my psyche, he is. The things he has put me through, to serve his entitled mind, he is looking out for himself for all the wrong reasons, well some anyways. He has put me through hell so many times, why should I miss him.
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Old 05-10-2011, 09:57 AM   #263 (permalink)
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And you shouldn't miss him or the way hes been treating you. I'm glad you aren't missing him this morning! I'm at the point where I just want mine to go away.. all the time.. its only peaceful in my house when hes not here lol and my kids are more well behaved... they actually helped me clean.. i was shocked!! lol
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Old 05-10-2011, 10:10 AM   #264 (permalink)
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Great Paramore - focus on you and the rest will follow if it will. Independance and not taking the mistreatment is a major step toward self healing!!!
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Old 05-10-2011, 10:33 AM   #265 (permalink)
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Para, treat yourself to something nice today.
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Old 05-10-2011, 10:42 AM   #266 (permalink)
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I took the day off for some more recovery, I need to really clean my house, it's icky. I should say, I do miss him a little, it's not the all consuming missing him that I have been feeling. I know he is gonna regret his choice, but oh well. If my dad comes out, I may have him pick up a dryer so I can actually do laundry in my own house again instead of having to go to sisters, I love getting out of the house to see her, she is just so jaded by men, it kind of brings me down lol.
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Old 05-10-2011, 01:41 PM   #267 (permalink)
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We have appliance repair shops locally that sell used ones that have been rebuilt and made fucntional. You can also find them pretty cheap in the paper or craig's list. If you have gas, there is not much that goes wrong with them.
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Old 05-10-2011, 02:00 PM   #268 (permalink)
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yeah, I should check into that, I need to go clean my house now LOL, and I don't wanna, but I have to, hehe. I must shampoo the living room carpet, dog puked on it last night lol.
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Old 05-11-2011, 08:09 PM   #269 (permalink)
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well, I found the OW boyfriend and I spoke with him tonight.......
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Old 05-11-2011, 08:11 PM   #270 (permalink)
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And....don't leave us hanging! Or PM me if you don't want to say it on here.
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