I'm working til 4:30 today. I think I will give him a call later today. I would really love another chance with this man. He was so good to me and I was stupid to go back to my cheating husband. This guy is a good man, good job, funny, smart and best of all, he is NOT a cheater. If he is willing to give us another chance, we will be friends first until my divorce is final and see where things go from there.
Hey apple.. Life is short. I personally would not wait for a piece of paper. Your Ex didn't!
I am all of a sudden in a similar position!
I am taking it very slow too. Sure is nice though..
You let go by relieving yourself of all hope there is a marriage left.
You cannot let go if you still have *hope* for your marriage. So that hope has to die.
You let go by accepting the reality that your marriage, the old one, is over now.
You let go by starting to respect yourself and realizing this man you want, is disrespecting you every day and realizing that you don't need that in your life.
You let go by going no contact (whichI know is hard since he's still in your house).
You let go by not allowing him to have sex with you after he's just spent the night with OW.
You let go by being done. Finito. Over.
Remember, this isn't about the other woman. It's about HIM. He has shown you over and over again who he is. You said yourself he left you some yrs back for another OW, was gone two yrs before he came crawling back. Now he's back to his same trick again. Until he faces his problems head on, this jumping from woman to woman, he wont' realize the problem is within him.
The shiny & new will always wear off. You are his safe bet he can always go back to.
STOP being his safe bet.
STOP sleeping with him.
STOP enabling his affair.
STOP placating him when he has done NOTHING for you.
It's sick. Seriously write down everything he's done to you and read it over and over.
Why do you want this man, this man who he is right now? He has no respect for you. He has nor espect for himself.
I hope you go and get tested for STDs soon.
Your H stepped out on your marriage long ago. Time to let go of him and move on. find a man who will love and respect you and your children.
I called him. It was good to talk to him after 5 years. We talked for about half hour and he said he wanted me to keep in touch with him and he would like to take me out to lunch after my divorce was final. Yay!!! I feel happy right now. I have not felt happy in months now. This feels good being happy again.
and with all this get up and go ..I just collaspsed in a heap for an hour. Something triggered it. Not sure what. The pain is cleansing now. At least I tell myself that.. Go apple.
Apple, be careful. I met another woman while separated from my wife. We clicked instantly, laughed, our kids played together, we hung out for sometimes 5-6 hours at a time just talking at parks and what not. Here's the thing, though. Being separated from my wife automatically forced me to pull away thus assisting in my 180. My wife had no idea about the woman I met, but took notice of my true 180 and asked not to be separated. She also said she's willing to do anything to save our marriage ECT, words I haven't heard since D-day. I agreed not to be separated granted she followed my boundaries.
Since then, I've hardly spoken to the woman I met. I rarely return calls, I'm not excited to see her like I used to be and don't really have an interest in seeing her. Why?
Because my wife is coming out of her fog, but I'm taking the bait very cautiously. My point is, if your husband were to realize the error in his mistakes, he might want back. The question is, will/should you take him.
In my situation, I can and do have reasons to give my wife another chance (my love for her topples the friendly fling I had with the other woman.). In your case, though, you should NOT let the left over feelings for husband ruin your new found man. Your husband has hurt you too many times... Posted via Mobile Device
Yes, he has hurt me way too many times, way too many. He has lied to me and cheated on me repeatedly over the course of 15 years. I fully believe in reconciliation and I support anyone whole-heartedly who wants to save their marriage but for me, it's over. There would be no way for me to take my husband back. I would never trust him again. I would have to watch his every move, I would wonder every time we were apart where he is, what is he doing. I lived that lifestyle long enough, I do not want it anymore. I want to move on in my life and I'm letting him go for good.
and with all this get up and go ..I just collaspsed in a heap for an hour. Something triggered it. Not sure what. The pain is cleansing now. At least I tell myself that.. Go apple.
I'm sorry, ing. I myself have spent much time collapsed in a heap on the floor. You are strong, ing and we are all here for you as you are here for us.
11. After about 18 months with this other woman, they broke up. He moved in with a male friend. We were still legally married even though we had been apart a year and a half. I met a guy myself. He was single,no kids, a good career (he was a cop) and he was giving me something I hadnt had in a very long time..attention. I really liked him. We started to casual date. We dated for about 2 months
The above was taken from your story, "The past 15 years". That was the nice man I was refering to. I meant that you and your children deserve to be treated like that, given attention and deserve a little respect.
Did you move to fast with your husband? I don't think so. As you said, you grew, he didn't. I know people who only dated two weeks and are happily married 25 years later and others who dated for years, married and then divorced. There is no guarantee that someone will do the right thing in marriage. You just sometimes have to take a chance on love. You did and he failed you and the kids. I'm sorry for that, but you will get past this and have a chance at a healthy happy life again once this is over. Trust me on that. I'm remarried and with the right person this time. Sure, we have our difficult moments, but we both put in efforts and respect one another.
11. After about 18 months with this other woman, they broke up. He moved in with a male friend. We were still legally married even though we had been apart a year and a half. I met a guy myself. He was single,no kids, a good career (he was a cop) and he was giving me something I hadnt had in a very long time..attention. I really liked him. We started to casual date. We dated for about 2 months
The above was taken from your story, "The past 15 years". That was the nice man I was refering to. I meant that you and your children deserve to be treated like that, given attention and deserve a little respect.
Did you move to fast with your husband? I don't think so. As you said, you grew, he didn't. I know people who only dated two weeks and are happily married 25 years later and others who dated for years, married and then divorced. There is no guarantee that someone will do the right thing in marriage. You just sometimes have to take a chance on love. You did and he failed you and the kids. I'm sorry for that, but you will get past this and have a chance at a healthy happy life again once this is over. Trust me on that. I'm remarried and with the right person this time. Sure, we have our difficult moments, but we both put in efforts and respect one another.
Thanks for your input, Candice. The funny thing is, that nice guy from above, I happened to cross paths with him a few days ago. I found him on another website. I was not looking for him. It is pure coincidence that we were both on the same website. I sent him a hello and he said hello back and gave me his phone number. This is a great guy who is thoughtful and caring. I really do hope for another chance with him. I did call him, told him about the situation with my husband. He said once my divorce was final, he would like to take me out. I really don't like to read too much into things, but I feel a connection with this one.
He stopped by to get the kids. I did not allow him inside. I gave my 6 year old hugs and kisses and sent her outside. I closed the door on him. He got mad at me and yelled at me. He told me to "hold on a damn minute" that he wanted to see the older kids. I told him that they did not want to see him. And that was the truth, they told me they did not want to see him. They've been calling him an idiot. He did end up making them all go with him but not before he pulled me to the side and told me that he did not appreciate my attitude and that next time I "want to throw a fit" not to do it in front of the kids. Yeah, all that coming from the man who is having an open affair. Perhaps he should take a good hard look at himself before he tries to tell me about attitudes.
UPDATING: Since I wrote the above, my 13 year old son came home with tears in his eyes. He said that he had dad take him home. I asked him why. He said he did not want to be around his dad. Why can't my husband see what he is doing to his kids? Because he thinks our 13 year old son is just dealing with a teenage attitude, that's all. My stbx will not look at himself and realize that he is the reason for their pain! I gave my son a hug and told him I loved him.
UPDATING: Since I wrote the above, my 13 year old son came home with tears in his eyes. He said that he had dad take him home. I asked him why. He said he did not want to be around his dad. Why can't my husband see what he is doing to his kids?
He does see it.
Or at least, he's starting to see what the consequence of his actions have done. What happened w/ your son is the perfect exammple.
I am sorry to hear yoru kids are dealing with this. Just be the best mother you can be for them and guide them through this. They will look to you for guidance and to lead the way. Be strong for them.
I had to call the cops on my sbtx to have him removed from the property. He wants to hang out here with the kids because he "has nowhere else to go" I have told him that is not my problem. Well, he came by to get the kids, he left for about an hour and then came back. He went to the backyard and started playing basketball. I went out back and told him he had to leave, he was no longer welcome here. He tried telling me that even though he may have moved out, he was still making the rent payment which entitled him to be here. I told him once again he needed to leave or else I would have the police escort him from the property. He then became all arrogant and told me "good luck with that, they won't make me leave" So, I called the cops and he was removed from the property. He has moved out of this house. He took his possessions and he left. He no longer has any rights to this house. Now, it's time to get the locks changed.
I had to call the cops on my sbtx to have him removed from the property. He wants to hang out here with the kids because he "has nowhere else to go" I have told him that is not my problem. Well, he came by to get the kids, he left for about an hour and then came back. He went to the backyard and started playing basketball. I went out back and told him he had to leave, he was no longer welcome here. He tried telling me that even though he may have moved out, he was still making the rent payment which entitled him to be here. I told him once again he needed to leave or else I would have the police escort him from the property. He then became all arrogant and told me "good luck with that, they won't make me leave" So, I called the cops and he was removed from the property. He has moved out of this house. He took his possessions and he left. He no longer has any rights to this house. Now, it's time to get the locks changed.
Indeed, change the locks ASAP.
He is a piece of work. He has a moral and legal duty to continue paying the rent because his children live there. His STBX status does not change the fact that he is equally responsible for the total wellbeing of his children whether or not they live with him.
I truly hope that this encounter with the police will kick some reason into his f**d up head.
My stbx keeps getting worse and worse. I found out tonight that he took out a title loan on my car and has not been making payments on it. I'm now at risk of losing my car. The trouble is, the title of the car is in his name, if the title place takes my car, there is nothing I can do. F**k!
Re: How do you let go? 
