I've been looking for some place to vent and get some insight from others and thankful I found this site. I just discovered my wife is--by definition--involved in the early stages of an emotional affair. I accidentally discovered this when checking the phone logs of our daughter's text messaging and noted that my wife had an exceptional high number herself (only 1/2 way through billing cycle), which I thought as unusual. In scanning the list I noted a long string of msgs from same number in Savannah, GA area code and thought it unusual for so many with her cousin, who we had just visited and attended his wedding in early April. Then the light bulb went on--we met one of the cousin's best friends (married, but without his wife in attendance), chatted some off/on through out the evening, some together, some independently, and even went outside to smoke a cigar together. Wife later (and several times over the course of the next few days) let it be known to me how he seemed disappointed that I joined them for a cigar (apparently her suggestion once she learned he liked them), and further let me know that as he was leaning over her chatting at the dinner table, he clearly was looking down her front at her "ladies". Yes, I know she was sexually attracted to him, but that didn't bother me in the least as we often will comment to each other about opposite sex appeal. At the end of the evening there were goodby's and a "passing" comment to look us up on Facebook and add us. Several days later I got an invite and accepted, and assumed she did too...but now as I read the message string, it appears she requested the friend add, not he.
Now the troubling part...she has never told me that he is on her facebook, although his name came up in idle conversation few times. More importantly, she never told me they were sending messages back & forth. Worst part...we were to have a long weekend together 2 weeks ago, but she instead went out with girlfriends to a BD party and spent night with one of them, was out late and got home mid-day Sat. All of the "I missed you" stuff, one passionate kiss--a bit forced by me, and that was it....then she started this guy that afternoon...off/one through out the evening, and then started up again mid-day Sunday for several hours--she had to cut it off it appears from the log just as we walked out door to car to pick up our daughter, then picked it up right away as soon as we got back in house few hrs later and continued until almost midnight. Over 7 hours of texting...a bit excessive if you ask anyone, but for someone you just met briefly at a social gathering---Ummmmm. Then she picked it up right away the next morning, on/off throughout the day. I discovered all of this traffic early Mon morning at work when I opened the online phone account to pay it and noticed she had already done so. I casually mentioned that "I see you paid the phone bill" later that day after work. The next morning she changed her password on her facebook account--yes, we up to this point have shared all of our email & other passwords. Her words--I have no secrets.
Well, this is clearly a "secret" and I'm pissed as hell. Ok, I'm a snoop, as I know how to look for saved passwords and now have access to her FB again--but she doesn't know. The text messaging has dropped off--I suspect she knows I'm aware of the long string over past weekend as I called this guys number and sure enough, it was his Vmail that picked up. Of course, she can & suspect she did, look at my phone log and see his number--but not a word said. Yep, I'm pissed, angry, hurt, devalued, and the list goes on. This is somewhat of a pattern of hers...she has had previous IM's/texting with former lovers who she was with prior to us getting together (together 4+ yrs, married 1.5), but she told me she was doing that, although she deleted messages when I asked her if I could read them (no secrets, right?). She also lied about talking with one on the phone (we were both IMing at same time, but she had to take a potty break--interestingly at same time there was a 20 min phone call to a number in his area code. When I challenged this, she very strongly denied it
Anxious to see and benefit from the forum's comments/advice. Sorry to be so long winded, but I speak and write for a living (Univ Prof).
Now the troubling part...she has never told me that he is on her facebook, although his name came up in idle conversation few times. More importantly, she never told me they were sending messages back & forth. Worst part...we were to have a long weekend together 2 weeks ago, but she instead went out with girlfriends to a BD party and spent night with one of them, was out late and got home mid-day Sat. All of the "I missed you" stuff, one passionate kiss--a bit forced by me, and that was it....then she started this guy that afternoon...off/one through out the evening, and then started up again mid-day Sunday for several hours--she had to cut it off it appears from the log just as we walked out door to car to pick up our daughter, then picked it up right away as soon as we got back in house few hrs later and continued until almost midnight. Over 7 hours of texting...a bit excessive if you ask anyone, but for someone you just met briefly at a social gathering---Ummmmm. Then she picked it up right away the next morning, on/off throughout the day. I discovered all of this traffic early Mon morning at work when I opened the online phone account to pay it and noticed she had already done so. I casually mentioned that "I see you paid the phone bill" later that day after work. The next morning she changed her password on her facebook account--yes, we up to this point have shared all of our email & other passwords. Her words--I have no secrets.
Well, this is clearly a "secret" and I'm pissed as hell. Ok, I'm a snoop, as I know how to look for saved passwords and now have access to her FB again--but she doesn't know. The text messaging has dropped off--I suspect she knows I'm aware of the long string over past weekend as I called this guys number and sure enough, it was his Vmail that picked up. Of course, she can & suspect she did, look at my phone log and see his number--but not a word said. Yep, I'm pissed, angry, hurt, devalued, and the list goes on. This is somewhat of a pattern of hers...she has had previous IM's/texting with former lovers who she was with prior to us getting together (together 4+ yrs, married 1.5), but she told me she was doing that, although she deleted messages when I asked her if I could read them (no secrets, right?). She also lied about talking with one on the phone (we were both IMing at same time, but she had to take a potty break--interestingly at same time there was a 20 min phone call to a number in his area code. When I challenged this, she very strongly denied it
Anxious to see and benefit from the forum's comments/advice. Sorry to be so long winded, but I speak and write for a living (Univ Prof).