Re: Wife had EA only, but I'm having trouble
I want to thank everyone for their responses. I just had a long talk with her. I asked her to tell me about any/all intimate conversations they've had. She told me that the talking was never sexual in nature. During their 20 year friendship, they've always kind of just missed each other - one was in one relationship, then the other was in another. She tells me their talks were
1) her confiding to him our marital issues
2) him reassuring her from his standpoint (filling the need)
3) them wishing at some point they had the chance to move beyond friendship along the way somewhere
4) them understanding how impossible that is given the current situation they were in.
She 100% promises me that this is the extent of the EA. The email I saw was her expressing #3 and #4, but in the present tense, given where our marriage is right now. It was dated 4/23. I saw the email 5/4.
I asked her specifically what else was said, and she honestly couldn't come up with anything that didn't fit 1-4 above. Never talk of physical stuff. Just deeper, "if only the timing of our lives had been different" type of stuff.
It still sucks ass, but I do feel a bit better after that conversation. I also know that if she truly does what she says and cuts off the contact for the sake of our marriage, she's not going to run out and do this again. There's no other guy in her life like this OM waiting in the weeds. The key is will she?
Another question for you all:::::
I am turning 40 next weekend. She set up a party for me (before this went down) that has a set number of people (it's an activity), but most of my friends are out of town, etc, and can't come. Of the 12 people coming so far, 9 are either her friends that are sort of my friends, or they are mutual friends that my wife has confided our situation to. Only 3 are really tied to me only. So it is possible most of the people there will know about what happened, or are there more for my wife than me. We've put $450 nonrefundable money down on this, which is 1/2 the bill. I told my wife in a bad moment to just cancel the party. She freaked out and thought I did it to punish her (she went on about how crappy she feels for ruining my party, my whole birthday really). But really, it's not like a lot of my friends are showing up. Part of me wants the party to try to help me feel better, and part of me wants to forget it. Thoughts?