Re: Wife had EA only, but I'm having trouble
Wife and I have exchanged a few texts while apart. One of hers read, "we did XXX, YYY, ZZZ, now relaxing by the pool. Must do lots of thinking this week".
From there we exchanged a couple of texts, one where I reiterated that she has two choices, and that I hope she picks the one to work on the marriage, but I said it was ultimately her call. She said, "I know the road ahead of me." I took this to mean that she knows what she has to think about.
I have checked the call logs and no calls with the OM thus far 1.5 days into the trip.
My question is this: Given that she is clearly in the fog still (though she says she is thinking clearly), I am tempted to lay out all the ramifications if she decides it is too hard to break off ties permanently with the OM. Meaning, listing for her the ramifications:
1) losing a husband of 15 years completely rededicated to a renewed marriage with more passion and need-meeting than ever before
2) the devastation of our kids
3) that everyone will know (right now we each have a small circle of friends that know everything) the full details
4) the financial burden, the separate homes, etc, etc,
5) the fact that OM relationships have a 3-5% survival rate
I mean, somewhere she knows all of this (I know she's thought about some of these things over the years), but it just makes no sense to make all of those things happen just so she can continue a relationship with the OM. She even said if we didn't make it she would take a year to just be alone - that she might date the OM later on, but not for quite some time to clear her head.
Should I list all of this and tell her what she would be giving up? Or is this going into the begging/pleading that I have to avoid? Having trouble with that distinction.
Right before she left we kind of agreed to try really hard for 6 months the right way, and if we couldn't rekindle what we had in the past we would walk away. And she might still be on that plan in her head. But her deep thinking while gone might change that.
Anyway, any thoughts/opinions on my question about listing the ramifications would be really appreciated.