How Can I Fully Trust My Husband Again?
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 05-10-2011, 06:41 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Post How Can I Fully Trust My Husband Again?

I've been married to my husband for almost a year and half, and when we first got together, I completely trusted him. When we moved into our apartment last year, things were going good until he started texting other girls, especially his ex girlfriends..I didn't like it at all; I asked him to stop because it made me upset, and I told him that it's wrong because it makes me feel like I'm worthless. He would call them 'babe' or 'hun', or tell them sexual things..I stopped looking through his phone because he'd get mad and ask me if I didn't trust him..I told him yes and he would always tell me that I need to get over it and start trusting him, or otherwise he would just cheat on me..which he's done that twice already since we've been together..I ask him why he does that, and he says it's because I don't satisfy him sexually or in any other way. Even now, he gets defensive if I ask him who he's talking to..I have no idea if he's cheating on me now. I can't trust him like the way I used to. He says that he doesn't talk to girls anymore, but I don't believe it. And when we argue in general, he says some hurtful things to me...sometimes he tells me that I'm lazy, or that I'm not the "best looking chick" he's been with, and how his family says hurtful things about me..I don't know what to do about it anymore. He refuses to go to marriage counseling, or get any help whatsoever...any advice?
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Old 05-10-2011, 06:48 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: How Can I Fully Trust My Husband Again?

Honey you are only 1.5 yr in. Leave. Because he has shown you already he doesn't think what he is doing is wrong, won't express any remorse for it and has no intention of stopping.

Get yourself tested for STDs and leave the son of a gun.
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Old 05-10-2011, 06:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: How Can I Fully Trust My Husband Again?

Yep.. Leave. Sorry. It is going to hurt but the pain will end. If you stay it will just get worse.. Sorry
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Old 05-10-2011, 06:55 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: How Can I Fully Trust My Husband Again?

So he's cheated on you twice and then threatens to cheat on you again if you don't trust him?
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Old 05-10-2011, 07:05 PM   #5 (permalink)
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So he's cheated on you twice and then threatens to cheat on you again if you don't trust him?
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The irony is insane, yeah?
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Old 05-10-2011, 07:16 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: How Can I Fully Trust My Husband Again?

To top it off he also insults you. You deserve so much better.
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Old 05-10-2011, 08:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: How Can I Fully Trust My Husband Again?

He doesn't love you, he does these things because you let him, and he sucks as a person.

Annul if you can, if not divorce. Telling you to get over it and saying you force him to cheat is just smarmy. Nobody should have to live with someone like that.

Do some therapy and get yourself together and pitch this drain on your life to the side. You were definitely made for more than this.
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Old 05-10-2011, 09:23 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: How Can I Fully Trust My Husband Again?

[/QUOTE]
Get yourself tested for STDs and leave the son of a gun.[/QUOTE]

Don't forget to have him pay for the tests; do it before you leave!
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Old 05-10-2011, 09:37 PM   #9 (permalink)
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You have to ask yourself why did you marry a man who so obviously can not love? You knew before you got married. Did youake the common mistake in thinking that he would change? Or perhaps you thought his marriage to you was proof of his love?

I am certain by now on some level you know that this man does not care for you, he does not respect you because you allow him to treat you badly and you stay. He is bouncing insults off, and probably despises you for being foolish enough to let them get away with it. Why he married you - do you contribute money to the household expenses, cook, clean, a convenient hole to stick his junk into maybe.

Sounds bad I know but you must face these possibilities. The way he treats you has nothing to do with your worth as a woman. It say alot about his worth as aan. Make the first step in gaining back your dignity and self respect. Walk out the door and don't look back. Don't explain treat him as if he does not matter to you. that should bring him down a peg.
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Old 05-10-2011, 09:43 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: How Can I Fully Trust My Husband Again?

You can't trust the untrustworthy.

And blind trust given his behavior would be unwise--period.
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Old 05-10-2011, 10:22 PM   #11 (permalink)
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You wont ever be able to trust him again. He has suffered no consequences for his deceitful behaviour therefore he will contrinue to treat you as a doormat and has worked out that he can manipulate and lie to you.

One day you will find the strength that you need to make positive changes in your life. I wouldnt trust him again.
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Old 06-07-2011, 02:58 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Unhappy Re: How Can I Fully Trust My Husband Again?

reading your situation hit me hard because I am in the exact same situation. I have a history with my husband and I have tried trusting him again, but as soon as he starts talking to some girl on FB, or through text messages that he shouldn't be talking to, he erases them (I always find out later) It's why I know of every situation. I have never caught him cheating, so I can't say he has, but wanting a man that is there for you the same way you are there for him is not a lot to ask for. My problem is that I have been with him for over six years and am getting ready to deliver our third baby in September. A week or two ago he received texts from a girl I specifically told him that I didn't want him talking to because of the "unappropriate" text messages I found in his phone last summer. I also specifically told her the same thing. It's frustrating.

If I were you, I would leave him now if you have no kids, before the situation gets worse. I have let my husband talk bad to me with the same verbal abuse that you said your husband tells you, we should not be putting up with it. I have been scarred of going through the courts and fighting for my kids because I don't have a stable job. A few weeks ago I almost left him. But on FB while I was at my moms and he at his parents promised me that he wanted respect from both sides and that he would start. well it lasted about two days and I regret ever coming back. Since then, I have been on eggshells again waiting for something to come out of his big mouth. It's never okay for me to tell him anything.

You know what though, it's easy to tell someone to do the obvious thing, but it's hard to actually do it. I can tell you to get away, but you might want to put up with it longer. If this is the case and you have no kids. Get what you can out of the situation. School, help, go to the gym, improve your self esteem and get out there make some good friends, have fun and take advantage of being alive... now... If he keeps bursting your bubble and making you feel down, then you know he wasn't the one.

He's laying next to me, without a clue of what goes on in my head. The funny thing is, that I have told him way to many times. Few men care... Honestly though If I didn't have the stretch marks and the pounds that my first born gave me, if my boobs were bigger and my waist smaller, I'm sure he wouldn't be as rude to me as he is now.

I could do my relationship all over again, I would have chosen to never do it at all. my kids are my kids, they are my blessing and my curse to him. Good luck. If you need someone to talk to, Just let me know. Sorry about it. it sucks to be in this position.
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Old 06-07-2011, 04:45 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: How Can I Fully Trust My Husband Again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Catherine602 View Post
You have to ask yourself why did you marry a man who so obviously can not love? You knew before you got married. Did youake the common mistake in thinking that he would change? Or perhaps you thought his marriage to you was proof of his love? Posted via Mobile Device
I didn't see anywhere in her post that he was doing this prior to marriage, but only started and escalated some time after she committed to him, which is the usual pattern in abuse. Get them hooked, then turn up the volume s l o w l y.

Please don't say things like she knew or should have known. Abusers are very good at faking it initially, otherwise there wouldn't be anyone around to abuse.
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Old 06-07-2011, 09:36 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: How Can I Fully Trust My Husband Again?

I would be willing to bet you feel little or no self-worth. You need to go to counseling and realize you don't deserve to be treated like this. This guy is a jack ass, plain and simple and a woman who felt more worthy, would never stay and be treated like he is treating you.

Stand up for yourself and leave him now. Go work on yourself, develop a level of self-worth and self-respect and go find yourself a man who treats you like you deserve to be treated. Every day you spend with this clown, you will feel worse about yourself.

Last edited by Corkey88; 06-07-2011 at 11:39 AM.
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Old 06-07-2011, 10:22 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: How Can I Fully Trust My Husband Again?

No kids involved. That's an easy one.
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