Nothing, really, except maybe the way you choose to torture yourself over it. You have still been betrayed, lied to, and had your heart broken.
The factors remain the same. The affair didn't break your marriage. The affair happens because your marriage is already broken.
Sometimes a marriage isn't broken. Sometimes it has cracks exposed in the foundation, and the affair just becomes the force that breaks it in half. Was the marriage perfect? No? With life comes responsibilities. A lot of times the cheating spouse is looking for a way out of reality and a way into a fantasy world free from responsibilities. And it becomes the straw that broke the camel's back.
In any circumstance, though, it takes two for a marriage to work and two for a marriage to fail. Responsibility for maintaining that union falls on both parties. In no case should the loyal spouse feel like less of a person because their spouse cheats. Ever. Because no matter what you've done or not done, vows are vows. Speak up if you're not happy. Don't "act" like things are fine and then justify your actions by saying you grew apart or some other load of BS.
How much of a harpy do you have to be to have Brad Pitt leave you for a certifiably insane self cutting incestuous nutcase? I mean she's hot and all that but really? Jennifer Aniston is no hose beast. Not even by Hollywood standards. She must have the personality of a industrial laser. And look who he picked? Someone who just might take a dump on you in bed. Or stab you.
I don't get why that makes the abandoned woman a harpy.why does it mean she has the personality of an industrial laser? maybe it means he's just a complete a$$hole.
This isn't nearly as common, but it does happen. I think should this be the case, it'd be hard for the person who was cheated on not to take it even MORE personally than they already do from the mere fact that they were betrayed. If it seems like the cheater "affaired up" then it's likely the betrayed spouse will start to wonder "was I not pretty/handsome enough? Why wasn't I good enough?" Personally speaking, the few times I was cheated on, I was relieved that the other people weren't that good-looking. It softened the blow somewhat.
I don't get why that makes the abandoned woman a harpy.why does it mean she has the personality of an industrial laser? maybe it means he's just a complete a$$hole.
He IS the one who cheated, so yeah. But let's face facts, a man (or a woman) is confronted with certain realities. Do I stay with this rich beautiful goddess and put up with her stuff or do I bolt for someone who's hotter and crazier? That's a lot of high maintenance you'd have to be sick of before you bolted, no matter who he or she was no matter who you are.
BTW "America's Girl Next Door" never remarried, never been in a stable monogamous relationship. Everyone she's ever dated cheated on her if we believe the tabloids. There's GOT to be a basket of mad squirrels behind those eyes somewhere.
But you're right some men are just a-holes. Tony Parker for instance. Cheated on Eva Longoria? That's retarded divided by zero. That makes no sense in any universe.
Nothing, really, except maybe the way you choose to torture yourself over it. You have still been betrayed, lied to, and had your heart broken.
The factors remain the same. The affair didn't break your marriage. The affair happens because your marriage is already broken.
I used to buy into that. Then I woke up. Between her therapist, her friends, her family, my family, our friends, etc, etc.... telling both of us it was her and her finally admitting our marriage was not even close to as bad as she made it out to be I realized that this statement might be true for the majority, but no even close to 100% of affairs.
__________________
"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"
Here's my thought... When someone has an affair, they're looking for someone to fill a particular need that for whatever reason, they don't feel is being met in their marriage. Maybe that's sexual, maybe they want someone to make them feel respected, maybe they want someone to make them feel wanted.
But they may not be dissatisfied with the way their spouse looks, so having someone more attractive isn't necessarily on their radar. After all, they may not be looking at ending their marriage, just supplement it.
Option B is that "less attractive" people are more susceptible to someone else.
I've been cheated on in all of my relationships so far. These were not emotionally independent or stable women btw. Every single man/woman they cheated with was in one way or another lesser than me somehow. Be it that have been better looking at the time, I was betrayed for immature boys, alcoholics, drug addicts, idiots, and jerks. These relationships were short lived at best and almost all of these women tried to come back at some point.
My wife for example, a school teacher with very catholic values, left me, a professional and hardworking military vet, for an immature emo, marijuana addict who drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney, works as a low wage fry cook, and has no future other than a failed rock band ahead of him. To be honest I feel bad for her having nothing but a failed relationship with or without a deadbeat dad ahead of her.
Just recently and without knowing I was the OM in a one night stand (they were bf and gf). Believe me, I feel terrible about this and did not plan on this, I would apologize if I could. Being on the other side of the relationship I can share that it was all about emotional vulnerability and comfort. The cheater is looking to have a fling and reasons to justify their decision as "I deserve this" or "I can get away with this". Makes me sick realizing that I could be used in such a situation. Rest assured I will not sell my integrity and knowingly be a cheating partner in the future.
Here's my thought... When someone has an affair, they're looking for someone to fill a particular need that for whatever reason, they don't feel is being met in their marriage. Maybe that's sexual, maybe they want someone to make them feel respected, maybe they want someone to make them feel wanted.
But they may not be dissatisfied with the way their spouse looks, so having someone more attractive isn't necessarily on their radar. After all, they may not be looking at ending their marriage, just supplement it.
Option B is that "less attractive" people are more susceptible to someone else.
C
this makes a lot of sense.
But also, don't forget, it's not always that the WP is looking to have the ego stroked. they may rather be looking for challenge and feistiness. I've seen in a couple places where guys have said that they are"looking for someone who has sarcastic humour (just in general, not particularly as an affair partner." Okay, my fiance's EA was feisty and from the messages that I read between them, rather rude at times. It does make you wonder how do you keep up that kind of tension so that he won't look for it elsewhere.
but anyway, this does explain why looks may not be important in seeking out an affair partner.
Sorry if I'm jumping in at the end and this has already been discussed on this post.
I was wondering what the exception is about affairing-up? What does that mean?
In my experience of watching others who have had affairs, the OW/OM has been similar in looks, possibly even better looking (personalities...another subject completely).
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Re: Why cheaters 'Affair Down' 
