I recently found out that my wife of 4 years has been having an EA/PA with a ex-boyfriend. I just found out about it three days ago, when I confronted her about it she said she didn't see why it was a problem. She told me she has been seeing him along. There wasn't any signs. I am at a lose about what to do. I love her with all my heart and she just stepped on it. I need direction. We can''t even talk about it without her telling me it is my fault, I dont meet her needs, she is in love with both of us. How can a women be in love with two men? Any advice would be really appreciated
She simply is finding fullfillment for her selfish NEEDS from two different men.
"I love you" < translation "I need you for boring husband stuff."
"I love this ex boyfriend" < translation "I need him for sex".
As a man, do not stand for it.
Do not accept any of her "blaming" you for her own nonsense.
Schedule marriage counseling for BOTH of you, insist she goes.
If she does not go to counseling, get yourself a lawyer and BEGIN the direction to divorce.
Insist that she stops this affair nonsense and stops ALL contact with this ex boyfriend.
If she does not, get yourself a lawyer and BEGIN the direction to divorce.
For a woman as you are describing, only one thing and one thing only will wake her up, and that is you standing tall and firm as a man and standing tall and firm for your marriage, and this means fighting, and fighting HARD.
It is difficult, there is not going to be much rational talking or "working things out" calmly until she sees in ACTION and BEHAVIOR that you are perfectly willing to throw her to the curb for her sheningans.
When she sees you are serious, then and only then will there even be a chance of repairing this damage.
Right now there is only one thing to work on---that is getting your wife's head out of the sand
How long has she been with the other guy---maybe most of your mge---she is like a bigamist-----when is she with him, days, nights, from work, weekends????
At this point I would say you are in 2nd place---she is in fantasyland with him, and living in realtime with you---hence you are being demonized, and blamed for everything, as her justification for her A.
You need to tell her, you know you can't control what she does, and you don't intend to---but you do control what you do---and if this drama does not stop YESTERDAY---you will file for D.----With her the way she is now---you have to hit her with drastic measures, or she will just play you, and use you to bankroll her love life with her lover
You may love the woman you were once married to, that is not the woman you are looking at now----If she loved you, she would/could never put a dagger thru your heart, and the mge., as she is now doing---you are dealing with a woman you do not know at this point of time!!
At this point be coldly blunt---tell her is she continues contact, she needs to leave the home---if she refuses, then move, her, her clothes, cosmetics, and everything else hers, into a room somewhere in your home where you don't have to deal with her---and start a very hard, and strong 180, along with drying her up financially, and seeing an atty.
Tell her to get out of the house and not to come back until she chooses to respect your boundaries of the marriage. I bet anything that what her boring husband is providing is more worth while than the sex her ex giving her. Sounds like my wife, so SELFISH and wants the best of both worlds. Posted via Mobile Device
I recently found out that my wife of 4 years has been having an EA/PA with a ex-boyfriend. I just found out about it three days ago, when I confronted her about it she said she didn't see why it was a problem. She told me she has been seeing him along. There wasn't any signs. I am at a lose about what to do. I love her with all my heart and she just stepped on it. I need direction. We can''t even talk about it without her telling me it is my fault, I dont meet her needs, she is in love with both of us. How can a women be in love with two men? Any advice would be really appreciated
Your wife was a total and utter stranger to you. You know her name but you knew her as much as the woman who serves you a beer in the pub, the woman who checks your grocery at the till in the supermarket, the nurse in your dentist, the wife of one of your friends.
You really never knew your wife at all.
Now ask yourself the questions “How could I have loved a woman I do not know?”. “How could I have possibly been in love with a woman I do not know?”. “How could I have been in love with a stranger?”.
You are now aware more than you’ve ever been before of who your wife is and what she represents, what her core values and beliefs are.
Now ask yourself the questions “Can I really love the woman I now know?”. And “Is the woman I now know at all worthy of my love and what I provide for her?”.
Your answers will give you guidance as to the way ahead.
When she sees you are serious, then and only then will there even be a chance of repairing this damage.
I wish you well.
Almost
Sorry your here
This advise may seem harsh but given the information you have given us then it would seem to be the only way.
You have have ALREADY lost the woman you loved. She has gone and the advice given here is to try and bust her fantasy and at least get her to see you again.
Be aware that this will hurt like hell and the end result is not to get your wife back. It is given to protect YOU. A byproduct of this is that you may get your wife back. Don't bank on it though.
Again I am really sorry you are here. Slow down. Think if you can. You have information we do not.
I would NOT do marriage counseling until the Affair is over. There will be another person in the room..
If she can't see why it's a problem to be involved with another man while she is married, you have a rough road ahead. Posted via Mobile Device
We had a long talk about the A tonight. She expressed that it is possible to love people differently. She sees me as her "Rock"??WTF??? but needs him for fun and excitement. I told her I don't think I could live like that. She did tell the OM that I know. I have talked about this with a Counselor at an employee assistance program. They recommended MC. Will MC or IC help if she doesn't want to end it?
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What now? 
Re: What now? 
