Hi...I am new to this forum and this is my first post. Please forgive me that I do not know the common abbreviations used. I made a discovery tonight and need some help processing it before I confront my husband. My brief history:
My husband and I are 32yrs old and we have been married for 5 years, together for 7. We have 3 children...2 of mine from previous marriage which my husband has since adopted...and 1 daughter of his from previous relationship. I would describe us as very happy and in love...in fact we are typically the couple that all of our friends are envious of. We are romantic with each other, take trips together, enjoy hobbies weekly together, have a great and active sex life (3-4 times per week), etc.
We have had a couple struggles in our past...all during the first 2 yrs of our relationship prior to marriage. Once I found an email that my then boyfriend had joined a singles website that was kinda like craigslist is now...looking for casual hook-ups. At the time I broke up with him, he of course cried and begged me to come back. He claimed that nothing had come of it, that all the guys at the firehouse were fooling around on the website seeing if girls would respond. Anyway...long story short we got back together.....the other incidences involved white lies told, typically about lunches with female co-workers or emails from them. Nothing crazy racy, no proof of infedelity...just that crushing gut feeling that something is going on. But again, this was years ago and I talked myself out of suspicion and we moved on. Life since has been great.
Until now. I recently found out my husband had a secret email account. I found out because he was buying/selling items on ebay for our new house and when one of the items sold, the payment went to a paypal account I did not recognize registered to this unfamiliar email. I went to the email and typed in his typical password...and bingo, i was in. Everything in the account was normal spam and very few emails...like it is rarely used.
But I found a "sent" email dated 3-28-11 (incidently I was out of country with my job at this time) sent to a Craigslist user....the email was sent to a user named "bi curious and innocent" and my husband's email said: "Hello I guess I should start of by saying Im not a girl but thought I would give it a try! I live in xxxx county and looking for some one to hang out with no strings!! Just wanted to put it out there as alternative but I know it is a long shot with a body like that the ladies will be lined up!!I'm 33 5' 7 158 White"
Now, I found no reply emails and I have no idea if anything ever came of this. Probably not, being that he sounds like a creep emailing a girl that is looking for another woman to email her. But obviously this is not the point. I want to say I am devastated but I'm not sure I am even there yet. I feel numb. My instinct is to start reviewing my finances and figure out my next steps. We just moved into a brand new house a few weeks ago. I feel sick about it. Plus my kids will be heartbroken.
I don't even know how to confront him. I know he will react the way he did 6 yrs ago...he will probably say he doesn't know what prompted him to seek that kind of attention and that he is just a stupid man...I am sure he will cry and beg me to stay. But I don't know if I can get past this again. I am not perfect but I thought we have such an amazing marriage...I am at a loss as to why he would seek attention elsewhere. I don't know if this kind of thing is repairable...for him or for me.
What should I say to him...please help