Anonymos friend ? Or what? What to do?
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 10-10-2008, 06:52 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Anonymos friend ? Or what? What to do?

Quick re-cap. A couple of years ago one of my wife's friends told me I needed to be careful because my wife "liked to forget she was married" I did watch and all the signs of an affair were there. Things came to a head at the end of March of this year and we decided to divorce. After a few weeks I decided to forgive and try and forget and we started trying to work things out. Now things still aren't great but she really seemed to be trying to reconnect with our marriage and start acting like a wife and mother, more so the last few weeks.

Present day. I get a card in the mail, no surprise as my birthday is next week. I open it up and see it's a sympathy card, ha,ha, I know I'm getting old. I open the card and read the note, "Cooper, you need to know that (wife) is talking to a lawyer and planning on filing for divorce. Freeze your assets and get an attorney quick! I want things to work out for you.

Wow, was I shocked! I have an idea of who sent the card but it wasn't signed so I won't bring it up to her.

First thing I did was transfer half our savings into a new account, I lowered our credit card max to $750 and this weekend I will open a new checking account in my name only. I'm just trying to make sure she doesn't spend the money and run.

Now what do I do? Wait for her to drop the D bomb? I don't think I can wait without confronting her but I don't want to mention the card and by no means would I show it to her and take a chance she may reconize the hand writing. I handle all the finances so it may take a while for her to notice what I have done. I need to be two steps ahead of her so I don't get screwed!

I am so stressed out I can't think straight, what do I need to do next?

Cooper

Last edited by Cooper; 10-10-2008 at 06:55 PM. Reason: to much run on
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Old 10-10-2008, 07:56 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anonymos friend ? Or what? What to do?

Just to let you know everything you did was smart and illegal. Talk to a lawyer yourself about what you can do.

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Old 10-10-2008, 09:14 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anonymos friend ? Or what? What to do?

I know that by law half of everything is hers but I feel I need to protect what I can before it's just gone. She has never been much of a planer but it seems at this point she has a plan.

I am not sure how to go about finding a lawyer except by just picking a name out of the phone book. No one I know has been thru a divorce recently. Any suggestions?

Can I go to the court and get something to protect myself financially or do I need lawyer to do this? I am concerned about her running up a lot of debt as part of her exit plan.

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Old 10-10-2008, 09:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anonymos friend ? Or what? What to do?

By law you can not move or hide assets including money.

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Old 10-11-2008, 03:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anonymos friend ? Or what? What to do?

My father always hid assets, retirement, life insurance money from my mom and us. After my parents divorced we learned that he had all of this money backed up in several accounts. I could never understand why he would do such a thing to my mother when she gave her whole life to the family and him and when she was nearly 10 years a housewife. He never gave her (LITERALLY) more than a dime!

Since we live in California, this was very much against the law, since anything between a married couple is community property.

So yes please speak with a lawyer and if your wife is going to bust you with this better safe than sorry. And also is who this little birdie who informed you, should be trusted? This is a serious matter, but you need to know if all the facts are true.
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Old 10-11-2008, 04:16 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anonymos friend ? Or what? What to do?

Cooper,

See a lawyer for advice. Pull your wife's credit report. I was shocked when I pulled my husband's credit report. He had accounts I didn't even know about, plus several maxed out credit cards. The credit report also listed addresses I knew nothing about. It was enlightening when I found out who actually lived at those addresseses.

Go with your gut feeling on the messenger (especially if your wife's behavior points in that direction).
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Old 10-11-2008, 11:10 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anonymos friend ? Or what? What to do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cooper View Post
First thing I did was transfer half our savings into a new account, I lowered our credit card max to $750 and this weekend I will open a new checking account in my name only.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oceanbreeze View Post
My father always hid assets, retirement, life insurance money from my mom and us. After my parents divorced we learned that he had all of this money backed up in several accounts. I could never understand why he would do such a thing to my mother
I find this very, very ironic. Even though you hate that your father did this, it is the first thing you did. I guess you know now why he did it. I know, I know, you're thinking its not the same. but it kinda is.

not that your post is even about that. i just thought it was incredibly ironic.
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Old 10-13-2008, 07:21 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anonymos friend ? Or what? What to do?

Cooper here, my father never hid money from my mother because there was never any to hide! Just wanted to clear that up, I wasn't the one who posted about their father hiding money.

To clear things up further. I did not move money and lower our credit card max to hide it from my wife. I did these things to STOP her from putting me in a financial mess, I can't let her run up the charge card and empty our savings on her way out.

I still have not spoke with her about the card I received, I'm really not sure if I should. There would be no reason for someone to send me that kind of card and note if it wasn't true. It scraes me that the note advised me to freeze my assets and hire an attorney quick. I wonder what my wife has been saying. I did look in the phone book for an attorney, lots of names, I really don't know how to chose.

I am really confused right now. In the last couple of weeks she has been very domestic, a role she has never filled before. Next week will be 20 years of marriage for us, I sit and wonder if her attorney is telling her to play the dutiful wife and mother for awhile to get past that 20 year mark. All I wanted was to get married and have a partner to go thru life with. What a mess this has turned into. I look for the hidden agenda in everything she does and everthing she says.

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Old 10-14-2008, 05:02 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Anonymos friend ? Or what? What to do?

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Cooper here, my father never hid money from my mother because there was never any to hide! Just wanted to clear that up, I wasn't the one who posted about their father hiding money.
whoops, sorry. must've been a late night!
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