So, my fiancee of 3 years and I have a beautiful baby girl. She is a year old, and is the best thing in my life. I found out my fiancee cheated on me this past May, and it shattered my whole world. Since then, however, she has not shown any remorse, and has simply continued going out late at night and coming home the next day. She says she is staying at a friend's house, but I know thats not true. We recently got into a serious argument that ended up with her telling me she hates me, does not love me, nor does she care about me anymore, and that we are just going to have to stay together for the baby until we both find a place to live. I am literally heartbroken, as I feel as though she has taken my family away. I'm not perfect, but I am a very good guy, and an excellent father. The baby stays with me when she goes out, and I am generally the one taking care of the responsibilities with the baby. We share 1 vehicle, and I own just about all the furniture and electronics in the apartment, so I know that she is only staying in this because it provides transportation and gives her the freedom to go out whenever she wants and for however long she wants. I want out of this situation if she is not going to try to make this work, if for anyone, for our daughter. She seems much more focused on her social life and being the person she was before me and the baby.
I wake up shaking almost every morning, because I don't feel any connection to the person she has become. I'm afraid to even be affectionate with her, since she is so cold toward me. My anxiety is at an all-time high, and I feel as though she is using our daughter as a bargaining chip to get me to stay until she can find a new place and a vehicle. I dont want to leave her stranded, however I do feel as though she would do that to me since she has admitted she does not care for me anymore. Her relationships with her ex's usually never lasted past 1 year, as she gets sick of the person after that amount of time. She said she has never been in a relationship this serious for this long AND had a child. Part of me wants to believe she just needs some space and let her get it out of her system, and maybe she'll snap out of it. But, the reasonable part of me knows better. She was not always like this either. After the baby, and even while she was pregnant, she was very excited about the baby, about having a family, but until just a few months ago, she's changed dramatically. She even went on to say I ruined her life. How? I have NO idea, and she couldn't explain it any further than that. I dont know, I'm rambling. Any advice, any advice from anyone who has experienced something like this would be very appreciated.
Re: My fiancee cheated, and now says she wants out
from your other thread I was wondering if she might be cheating on you. Listen to your reasonable part.. this is a toxic relationship. Get whatever evidence you need because you are going to have to fight for custody. And screw her if she gets stranded - that is not your problem, at this point.
Re: My fiancee cheated, and now says she wants out
Don't marry someone who cheats while dating. You love her but she doesn't love you. She has,no respect for you as she is staying out with the om. You are watching the bsby then?
Ask her to leave, fight for custody and she will have to pay support, but do not beg, plead or cry. She wants this reality, give it to her. She thinks you are a doormat. Then find another woman who loves you. But in there learn about boundaries. You must have given this girl too much of the wrong things. Everyone needs ti have boundaries and not give in on everything the other wants. Negotiate, sure. There will be the occasional line in the sand, too. Sorry to say, your first exercise is with a line in the sand. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: My fiancee cheated, and now says she wants out
Yeah, Nader you're absolutely right. I do not want to be in this anymore, and I am beginning the hate the sight of her. I'm just afraid for the baby, because she has made statements saying I'll never see my daughter again if I leave. I'm not easily scared, but anything with my daughter does scare me. Guess its time to suck it up and make the decision I've been avoiding.
NZHappy- You hit the nail on the head. Being nice is one thing, being too nice, and continuing to care when she doesn't care, just doesn't solve anything. Maybe its time for some shock therapy, and see how she likes it without me around anymore.
Clipclop- Well said. I guess it took me actually opening up on the forums to realize all of this. The only problem with her is, there is no negotiation, there is no sacrifice on her part. Its all about her and her needs, and when I say no, it leads to an argument like NO OTHER. I've said some things out of anger in the past, but NEVER anything like she says. I dont know what I'm so afraid of. Maybe it's time to figure it out.
Re: My fiancee cheated, and now says she wants out
Her not having relationships beyond 1 year is very telling. You being her longest relationship (3 yrs) and her already bolting and wanting the next new thing falls right in line w/ this. She is addicted to the shiny/new love feeling. And when it wears off, she goes into another relationship. When that one gets boring, she will go off into the next one and on and on. She will likely do this her entire life until she figures out, all relationships lose the shiny/new feeling.
My advice: let her go. It takes two to make a relationship work. Make sure you get protected to what's rightfully yours and set up a custody agreement that works for you.
Oh and you shouldn't be the one to leave. She is te one who wants out, she can go. Make sure you're documenting all of her late-night partying and not coming home. I would go for the maximum custody.
Re: My fiancee cheated, and now says she wants out
I think you are on the right track. She isn't ready for a real relnship. Let the om figure that out. You have 3 years of her way or the highway. Time to get some balance back in your life.
You will find such relief when you are away from her. And you won't accept the same crap from the next woman. Balance, negotiation. Love. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: My fiancee cheated, and now says she wants out
It is very clear that this is not the same women you fell in love with 3 years ago. So with that said she will take from you for what ever she can get.
Please protect your self. Get some legal counsel and set up the walls that will protect you from getting hurt any more. These boundries are set for you, not for her. Establish these boundries and do not let them down.
She has made it very clear that she could care aless about you so take these step from getting hurt and distance your self... do not give her any information with regards to how you will protect your self.
She is sleeping with some one and has no concern about you or the kid. Right now its all about OM. Document her comings and goings. do not leave until you have set up a court order on cusdity. The last thing you want is her claiming abandonment.
So calm down and while she is so involved with OM...you are planning and saving and gathering accuarate information that will protect you.
Stay quite and plan your exit, she will not see it coming as long as you stay calm, eat, work out, and get counsel. So focus!
Even if you have to go online, down to the court house, or social servises....find the resources that will protect whats yours. Remember do not let her know. While she is out all night you are online rsearching and exploring the best way to protect you and your kid.
Right now it is very hard b/c of the emotional attachment you have and the lose of a loved one, but once you establish your rights and you have protected your self, then you can address this relation ship. It's not just about you any more, and as hard as it is you have to stay focused on daughter and your rights.
If you don't get your wits about you she will destroy you. Sorry but she has become that person.
Get a voice activated recorder, she seems the type to smash her own face in the wall, just to get you arrested. Be very carefull...she is not the girl you fell in love with.
Re: My fiancee cheated, and now says she wants out
Listen to jellybean's advice, as you're turning and walking (no, RUNNING) from this person, make sure you collect all evidence you can about who the better parent is here.
Face it, she's currently the enemy and everything you do here going forward is going to impact your relationship with the baby in the future. Get what you need now, and then you can be nicer after you've split up permanently with terms that are best for you.
Re: My fiancee cheated, and now says she wants out
I'm usually the one sayin that everyone should make up. But I would kick this woman out of the house. Tell her to f'ing stay wherever she goes at night. She already has another place to stay at night. She just comes back to your house to get into the fridge
My fiancee cheated, and now says she wants out 
