smileyjay, I had to read your other threads to get your whole story, and I have to say that the affair is still ongoing. There is usually a mourning period that the WS goes through after an affair, but not after at least six months!
Your wife didn't just get out of an affair, you said back in December that she has been out of the affair for only a month. From your other thread back in September:
Ok where to start... Well my wife has been having an affair for the past 2 months, I just found out about 3 weeks ago. She just started a new job 2 months ago and had been talking to this guy over the phone about the job and then one thing led to another and they started having an affair. It started out as attention and led to physical.
So I see that the OM is a coworker and the affair went to a PA. Then you wrote:
I have forgave her and she says she has cut all ties to this guy but she is still working there. I have asked her to quit and she refuses so I feel they are still talking some whether she is still in the affair or that she is trying to cut the ties I don't know, she says she doesn't want to hurt him even though he has nearly destroyed our marriage.
She refused to quit the job, AND she didn't want to stop the A for fear of hurting the OM? Is this correct? Methinks you're putting too much blame on the OM than your WW. Who starts an affair almost immediately after starting work? A person looking for an affair, that's who. Or at least one who has VERY loose boundaries. Then in December you wrote:
Ok it's been 5 months since the affair started and it has been ended for about a month. My DS wife says she loves me but she still is not in love with me. She says it's getting better each day but still not to the point where she is in love with me again. She also will not make love to me. She says sex doesn't mean that much to her, actions do.
Even after the affair is supposedly over for a month, you still get the standard WS saying ILYBINILWY speech. So by your reckoning the A supposedly ended in November by your timeline. With your WW still denying you sex and affection. You know that it's typical for a WS not to have sex with their spouse because they are still in the fog and because they want to be faithful to their lover.
Since you have not mentioned anything about her job or the OM, I assume that she still works there and OM is still her coworker, so that means they still have contact at work, am I correct? And now you wrote:
I am 99% sure she has not contacted him in any way for over 2 months. She ended it over 2 months ago in front of me and I have kept a close eye on EVERYTHING ever since.
So this indicates that she broke NC with OM in February or March after the A was supposedly over back in September and December when you last posted. You say you are keeping an eye on everything, does that mean you are monitoring the computers via keylogger and watching the cell phone bills? Typically during an A, cheaters will take the A underground after they have been exposed. Two typical tools cheaters use are the secret email account and the secret cell phone. You haven't said if the OM is married or not. Have you exposed the A to his wife or girlfriend if he has one? Since they are coworkers, how do you even know that she hasn't broken NC? Have you used a VAR to see if she has a secret cell phone?
We never seperated and I finally won her back a little over 2 months ago and successsfully got her to end her affair and stay in the marriage.
Now this I have a question about. If you've been reading here and other places long enough, we as BSs CANNOT win them back or force them to stop their A. They have to want to stop the A, and you usually cannot compete with OM because you are competing with a fantasy.
These are the facts as I see it based on what little information you have posted back in September, December, and now May.
1. Your WW started her job back in July 2010. Her OM is her coworker and she immediately starts an affair
which you find out in August. She has withdrawn from you emotionally and sexually.
2. Your DDay is in September and she gives you the standard ILYBINILWY speech, so you immediately forgive her and start working on your own shortcomings. You try to win her back. This is typical BS fog from the initial SHock/Denial/Survival Mode stage. She is still withdrawn from you emotionally and sexually.
3. In December you say that the affair has been ended for about a month, and AGAIN you get the ILYBINILWY speech. Again, she is still withdrawn from you emotionally and sexually.
4. Now in May, you say she ended it in February or March after obviously breaking NC. Yet she is still withdrawn from you emotionally and sexually.
One can conclude that she is still in the FOG, and that the A is still ongoing, possibly underground by other means and possibly at work since the OM is a coworker. But it's hard to say when you only post once in September and December and now with very little follow up. Please give more details.