tierzastarr

I'm sorry to say this but you might have been scammed. Here's more info from one of the sites above:
UNACCEPTABLE POLYGRAPH QUESTIONS

Do you love (name) ?
Do you love (name) more than (name) ?
Do you want to be with (name) ?
Have you done anything inappropriate with (name) ?
Do you plan to stay with (name) ?
Are you attracted to (name) ?
Do you want to leave (name) for (name) ?
Do you intend to be faithful to (name) ?
Did you ever cheat on (name) ?
Have you ever lied to (name) ?

tierzastarr

And what I meant was a max of 6 relevent to the subject Q's.
And more info: HowStuffWorks "How Lie Detectors Work"

RestlessInGeorgia

Update:

I figured I needed to update all of you that are following my thread. Thanks again for all the support. This may get a little long-winded so please bear with me.

This entire weekend I made a great effort to not act as if anything was wrong for the kids sake, since they were visiting from their fathers house. This meant that every time feelings of rage came up I would leave the house for a little bit to cool down. I made sure at least one of the kids were around us at all times because they were a safety net. I wouldn't bring anything up with them being around. If I had a question that I desperately needed answered, which I had a couple, my wife and I would step into the garage and I made sure my voice was never raised and hers as well.

We dropped the kids off with their dad on Sunday at 5. I asked my wife what she wanted to do about dinner, since we still have to eat, even though I still have no appetite. She offered a place up and I said that was fine, but that I wanted to stop by the book store first. I wanted to take a look at "After the Affair" to see if it's something I might like to pick-up since it seems to be highly recommended. After we left the bookstore we went to the restaurant and had dinner.

During dinner, I attempted to make idle chit-chat to relieve some of the awkwardness and tension. I told my wife that my brother had texted me earlier about going to the gym with him, but that I hadn't received the message until it was too late. I told her I probably wouldn't have gone anyways. She looks at me and says, "I don't want to start an argument, but that's one thing that helps to cause resentment in me for you." She was speaking in the same nice tones I have come to know since D-Day. I asked her what was it that caused resentment. She said, "I've asked you to go to the gym with me before and you refuse to. Then your brother asks and your willing to go. Basically, your willing to do things with other people that you won't do with me." I responded by telling her that, "If she had listened to me, I said I probably wouldn't have gone anyways." At this point, my rage started to flair up and I went straight to the affair. She started to get upset with me and I told her she had no right to. She then started to cry and said, "So I'm not allowed to be upset?" I said, "Yes, you can be upset over all of this, but not with me." She then said, "I'm allowed to have feelings and I'm not going to live like a prisoner." I told her that she wasn't a prisoner and had a choice, she could either choose not to get upset with me, or leave. At this point she got up and ran out of the restaurant crying.

I followed her out the door and asked her what she wanted me to do. She said, "Please take me home, so I can grab my things, because I don't want to be a prisoner." I told her that if that's what she wanted, then I'd take her home and help her pack her things. I also told her that she's cooked this whole prisoner thing up in her own head. On the way home, I told her that now I see our marriage was a huge mistake, even before we got married. I told her that she tried to leave me twice before our marriage and three times after. I told her that I was the fool for reeling her back in. She said she didn't think our marriage was a mistake and asked if I truly believed that. I said based on your affair and the evidence that you've tried to get out several times, yes I think it was a mistake to you. This caused her to cry even more and I started to feel bad, but I held those feelings in because she didn't deserve those feelings from me at all right now.

When we got home she headed straight for the couch and curled up in the corner crying. I then went into everything that I've been feeling and dealing with since D-Day. She asked me several times if I just wanted a divorce. I told her that I didn't have an answer for that. I told her that if I decided to forgive her for what she had done, it wouldn't be for her, it would be for me. And, IF I decided to give her the gift of reconciliation, that she better know it's the greatest gift she's ever received or ever will receive and it will only be given once.

The discussion wasn't really heated at all. There were a lot of tears and shedding of pain and anguish from the both of us. We laid a lot of feelings out that we hadn't expressed to each other the entirety of our marriage. It felt great getting a bunch of stuff off of my chest. I started to feel slightly connected to her despite the affair. During the conversation I made her commit to never having any male friends for the duration of our marriage and to never tell another male the intimate secrets of our marriage. I told her she gets the same commitment from me and has always had that commitment. I also told her that she needs to tell me about any issues she has with our marriage or me, regardless of whether she's afraid that I will get angry. I told her that she can't just hold onto problems, because it builds resentment and who cares if I get angry. If I have time to think about the problem she brought to me, I'll realize that I'm in the wrong, or what we can do to solve the problem.

I felt like this night started on a low point and ended on a very high point. I guess that's why people compare this to a roller coaster. Well, we decided to go to bed and we laid there in the bed staring at each other. Then, before I knew it, we were having sex. It was quite possibly the best most intense sex I've ever had with my wife. Afterwards, I lay in the bed unable to go to sleep until about 2:30 in the morning. I kept thinking that I had just made a mistake. I felt like she may have thought that I had forgiven her for what she had done. It ate at me all night. I came to the decision that I was going to let her know that this didn't resolve the affair or make me decide to forgive her.

I woke up about 5 Monday morning and got her up at 5:30 and asked her to get ready so we could go out for breakfast together before work and discuss a few things. I was in a better mood because of the sex the night before. I didn't want that to cloud the issue of the affair. This is the primary reason I felt it was a mistake. We never go out for breakfast before work, so this was a change as well.

When we got to the restaurant, we ordered our food and as we were eating I told her that we needed to discuss what happened the night before and what it meant. I told her that, while it was great and the best sex we've ever had, that it really didn't mean I had forgiven her for the affair. I told her that we still needed marriage counseling and that I still haven't decided what I wanted to do yet. I told her that the sex was a good baby step and that the discussion we had before the sex was a good step too. She said that she understood that the sex didn't change anything. She knows it's going to take a lot of hard work and she's willing to make the extra effort to do her part in helping me cope with her affair and show me that she's truly guilty and remorseful for the decisions she made in the past. She has started doing this, but I can't say how long it will last. Only time will tell.

Yesterday, I called and made appointments for Marriage Counseling. I gave a brief explanation of what was going on and asked him whether he thought we should meet together or individually. He said that he prefers to meet with us individually first so that we feel safer to say what we need to say, then he will bring us together when it's time. He said that the couples counseling portion may not come for awhile and that there may be times we meet individually a few times and then together. I told him that whatever he recommended, we were willing to follow. I gave him our schedules and he scheduled me for Wednesday afternoon and her for Thursday morning.

So, this is where we are right now. I don't have any preconceived notions that the marriage is repairable, I just have to find out if it is. Thank you all again for your support during this rough time for me.

Jellybeans

I followed her out the door and asked her what she wanted me to do. She said, "Please take me home, so I can grab my things, because I don't want to be a prisoner."

This concerns me. She needs to own what she did and own the fact that you don't trust her right now and why.

It's good you called an MC up. When's your first appointment?

Did you get tested for STDs? Have you heard from OM again?

RestlessInGeorgia

It bothered me too. She seemed to be ignoring the fact that I told her she had no right to get upset with ME. I'm pretty sure she's eaten up with guilt, but it in no way compares to what I'm dealing with. She does have a right to be upset as well, just not project it at me in any way.

As far as MC. I meet with the MC first tomorrow at 2 and she meets with him on Thursday at 10 in the morning.

I have not been tested for STD's yet. I've got to make an appointment with my GP to get that done. Thanks for reminding me. With everything that's gone on since D-Day, I practically forgot about doing that.

As far as I know, OM has not attempted to make contact and she hasn't attempted to make contact with him either. I've made sure to search her car every evening and look through her purse for a secret cell phone. Plus, I'm responsible for the finances and I have seen her pay stubs and the amount of money she's deposited into our account matched her pay stubs. I've also seen every receipt that is drawn on our account and what the itemized purchases were.

My biggest concern is, today is her short day at work. She is already at home for the day. Anything could be going on right now and I wouldn't know it. Hell, she may not even be at home for all I know. I really need to get a couple of VAR's, one for the house and one for her car. I've even considered loading a GPS locater app on her cell phone.

RestlessInGeorgia

Thanks. I wasn't quite sure what to think of it. I feel like sex should be the furthest thing from my mind and I didn't want her to get the wrong idea. I'll let her know about the book as well for thanks for the link.

WhereAmI

I think you made a big mistake here. Your wife was trying to tell you that you've made her feel rejected. Instead of hearing what she said you decided to excuse your actions and turn her comment into an affair discussion.

There's no doubt that her affair was horrible. That doesn't mean that you're perfect, though. If you expect her to bottle up her emotions while you process the affair you may end up even worse off than you are now. You want her to feel comfortable.

I suggest that you approach her and let her know that you understand she felt resentment because of your actions. Tell her you appreciate her honesty and you hope it continues. You can ask her to be patient with your responses to her emotions since you're still dealing with the shock of the affair, but she needs to know that you're not ignoring her.

Rob774

One of the deepest stories i've ever come across on TAM.

Please continue to keep us informed...

RestlessInGeorgia

I know I shouldn't invalidate her feelings. Right now I have so much anger and hurt that it's hard to think about her feelings when I can't even deal with mine. D-Day was less than 10 days ago for me. I'm really doing the best I can right now. I did let her know that her feelings did matter to me later after things calmed down. That was part of the conversation that took place after we got home.

Also, I may have left some things out of the conversation at dinner, but I didn't go from her feelings of rejection, directly into an affair discussion. It progressed from her feelings of rejection, to something else, then again to something else, and finally into a discussion about the affair. All I can really remember is what started the conversation and where it ended. I apologize for the confusion but I didn't use her concern over working out at the gym as an excuse to jump into an affair discussion.

RestlessInGeorgia

TAM has been a life saver for me with this. I can't get this kind of support from family and friends. They're too closely connected to be objective about it.

I intend to continue to use TAM as an outlet. She's not aware of me having an account on here, because this is my safe place right now. In time I may show her this thread, so she can see what I went through and the emotions involved from my end of this whole ordeal.

I may not update daily, or even every other day, but I intend to keep all of you as up-to-date as I can.

cb45

whether u re-committ or dont, i think u need to maintain a "i dont give a shat either way" kinda attitude.

may not be popular to say/think this but....there it is.

u may be surprised with the "results" for u, either way it turns out.

cb45

oh, and dont tell her bout
TAM as u may find yerself a repeat customer if u go the distance with her over the yrs. she'll just mock u in the end
or worse yet post here bout u and all yer folliables (sp?).

ya digg?

Mrs Chai

Appreciate you keeping us up to date. Your story has been the most powerful I've ever read. I'm a frequent lurker here and occasional poster. TAM is my place as well. Though I would keep it just for yourself - like someone said before - for a while yet.

lordmayhem

Remember you have the right to heal on your own timeline, no one can rush you on this, and if you feel later on that this was a deal breaker for you, you have the right to walk away. Only 35% of marriages survive after the discovery of infidelity so R is difficult, even under the best of circumstances.

F-102

As far as the "prisoner" comment, she may have felt cornered, and the only weapon she had was to say something she thought would hurt you or have you on your knees begging.