Wife cheating, I really don't think it will stop
I need advice. I am totally confused, and have no idea what to do.
A couple of months ago, my wife told me that she cheated on me. We had been hanging out with a bunch of people and she had sex with someone. When she told me, I just cried forever. I didn't know what else to do. However, she was drunk at the time if that matters. Based on that, and the fact that I love her and she confessed on her own, and that I don't want to ruin the lives of my two children, I forgave her and we moved on.
Recently, she had been acting odd. She kept asking to check my phone for text messages, and saying that she smelled womens perfume and deodorant on me (FYI, I have NOT been cheating and I work in an office full of men). Last night, she was texting in the store and I tried to look at her phone. She fought me tooth and nail for it, but when I got it I noticed that it was password protected. She refused to tell me what the password was, and said that the message was something personal her sister sent me, and her sister didn't want me to know.
When I got home I went on the internet and looked at her text messages records. It was from our California area code, and her sister lives in Chicago. To stop rambling, it ended up being one of her old sex buddys that she has been sexting and reminiscing about old sexual encounters with. She says nothing physical happened with him yet. She also says that the multimedia messages she sent / received were jokes and not audio and video of them messing around. I asked if there had been any audio video stuff and she said 'I don't think so but I don't recall. I don't believe that for a second. I asked if there was more / other people and she said no.
I feel obligated to write this next part. Early in our marriage (4 year anniversary soon) I wrote dirty to two girls I never met before on the internet. Totally wrong. I felt like the scum of the earth for what I'd done. When we talked about it I admitted everything, cried to her, and told her it would never happen again. It hasn't.
However, when I bring up this latest incident to her, it's different. She shows no remorse, and tries to justify her actions (We don't talk dirty EVERY time we text, for example). I've told her that I feel very hurt and I don't know what to do, and her response is 'well, I don't know what to tell you'. I honestly feel like she wants a divorce, but doesn't want to initiate it, so eventually all the sneaking around will be discovered and I'll divorce her.
Sorry for the mismatched rambling, but I am hurt and confused. I have not been perfect, but I kept my word. I don't want to think that because I screwed up in the past, I have to be treated like this.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, I love my kids. I don't want to hurt them or ruin their lives, but I don't know what hope there is for my marriage. She has cheated in every relationship she has been in, and apparently this one is no different. Any advise would be great. Please. Thanks for reading my novel here.
EDIT: I forgot to add that we have been to two marriage counselors. She has refused to go back to either, one after one visit and one after two.
Last edited by justwow; 05-31-2011 at 05:59 PM.