Thanks for the summary. I am now only two weeks post DDay. I have been through every single emotion humans can feel. Still am. I am taking all the necessary steps (though I have hit a small snag at this point). I am numb but understand that the steps need to be taken in order for me to move on. I am moving on but it does not feel that way. Although she has said she was sorry for hurting me, cried a few tears I do not FEEL her remorse and I really don't think it will ever be there. Yes, I am following the script above but it does not seem to be going in a linear first A happens, then B. More like it is all over the board right now. Very fragmented, but then that seems to be what this has done to me...I am shattered and trying to get the pieces back together again.
. Yes, I am following the script above but it does not seem to be going in a linear first A happens, then B. More like it is all over the board right now. Very fragmented, but then that seems to be what this has done to me...I am shattered and trying to get the pieces back together again.
And that's normal, perfectly normal.
We've been there.
I agree. When I found out I gave her a choice, him or me....with no guarantee that there would be me after all was said and done.
I did too, and he came back for 2 days, and on the day we were to go to our first MC, he refused, said he just didn't love me anymore. I don't think he was abiding by NC, as he erased ALL his texts and call records that morning from his cell. So as far as how he feels about me, I don't think he really knows... how can he when he still has contact with the OW-- he didn't even give us a chance.
But the refusal to try when I stuck myself out there was SO painful.
Hmmm, mine was... "I know you're lying to me. Would you like me to read this very interesting Facebook chat your lover sent me? Yes? No? Okay, I'll read it anyways... <reads> <pauses> So... you've been lying to me. You're not in love with me. You've destroyed our marriage and probably my career. So, here's what we can do: 1) you can follow your plan of moving in with your lover and know that I will fight you tooth and nail every step of the way for our daughter's sake, or 2) you can relocate with the family, meet me on some conditions like No Contact, and AFTER you've convinced me that first - you're not an in-the-closet lesbian, second - that you're not a serial cheater,... then I'll consider addressing the A. <listens>... You're still lying. That has to stop immediately. etc."
To any bona fide lesbians out there, I'd love to hear from you. This isn't familiar ground to me but I'll honestly say that one of the reasons I'm still here is because if she is an in-the-closet lesbian, she needs time to come to terms with it and be stable for her own and for our kids' sake. I can give her that. Given the dismal survival rates of lesbians in straight marriages, it seems like a valid concern. If you disagree, please help me understand.
My wife went through most of the stages on DDay. Two days later she forgave me. Then, right into "Well, that's behind us. Let's move on."
That's why I'm so confused, lost, screwed up, and more. I've taken on the role of her by applying boundaries, transparency, NC, punishment, and guilt. She did check my phone once so far, and has asked me if there has been any contact (none), but that's it.
Oh, and she will ask me from time to time if I really do love her. Now I'm asking my self the same question.
Have you lost respect for your wife since she has not shown much outrage over your cheating and/ or seems to be accpeting it?