Background, the short and sweet version:
23 y/o man marries 22 y/o woman. 6 months later, man suspects woman of lying/deceiving/cheating on him. 3 months after that, man discovers incontrovertible evidence that woman is cheating (emails, phone calls, text messages, and a little 4 am trip tot he emergency room due to "vaginal soreness" where woman is diagnosed with herpes [man did not and still does not have herpes...]). Man confronts woman and alleges an affair, woman disputes and leaves two days later, never to be seen or heard from again other than court documents of divorce.
I am the man and I am now 25, about to turn 26. Needless to say, I was very broken up about the way my previous marriage ended, but in retrospect I believe it was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am with a girlfriend of five months and must say that I am happier than I ever imagined I could be (much happier than I ever was with my ex). Communication is great, intimacy and sex is great (though, another topic I hope to discuss with people here), we have fun together and laugh a lot, and we can discuss our problems and concerns openly.
However, there is something which for several reasons I don't feel comfortable talking about with her; I am what I consider to be moderately paranoid. Based on what has happened to me in the past, the closer I get to her the more and more concerned I get that something is going on behind my back. I find myself sometimes, though not always, trying to weasel my way into things like her online social networking account, her cell phone, email, etc. I DO NOT want to live that way and I DO NOT want to feel that concern about her. I also DO NOT want to hurt her, make her feel untrusted, or make her feel that she has no privacy. I really have no reason that I know of to distrust her, I only have my previous experiences.
She is aware of my past in great detail and we were friends for many months before we started dating. I don't hide anything from her and we both take pride in being open and truthful with one another.
How do I handle this pervasive paranoia??