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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 06-08-2011, 01:35 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Television / Movies

2+ years post D-Day. Making some progress towards reconciliation.

Does it seem like infidelity is the theme of almost every other TV show or movie? How do other trying-to-reconcile couples handle sitting side-by-side while yet another television show suddenly turns on an infidelity-related plot-point.

I've been watching "The Glades" on A&E, which is a pretty decent cop show. The recurring sub-plot, however, is the main character's on-again / off-again romance with a nurse who's raising a teenager, who's husband is in prison, and who is contemplating divorce. It's amazing to me how easy it is to tell that the writer(s) have never been the BS. From where I sit now, it's so easy to say that the moral dilemma the cop faces is simple: stay the hell away until the nurse gets a divorce. And yet, before D-Day, it would have seemed morally ambiguous to me.

There's the same sort of moral conflict "is she justified" in the Good Wife. And again, now 2 years past D-Day, I can say that there's no dilemma at all. Either get divorced or don't. If you want an EA / PA with another person, that's fine, but end your marriage first.

I'm not sure I have a point except to note that as my anger has faded and I've grown numb, I've slowly come to realize how many of our culture's stories revolve around infidelity and how little one really understands about the consequences of infidelity until you are wholly and completely betrayed by the one you love most.
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Old 06-08-2011, 01:50 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Television / Movies

As was touched on in the Titanic thread, gripping drama is born of conflict, whether that conflict is internal, external or a combination of the two. If everyone in tv/movies behaved properly (or, for the most part, fully realistically), it would make for boring stories, relatively speaking.
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Old 06-08-2011, 01:58 PM   #3 (permalink)
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yes, I think it's a very common theme. Or maybe I'm just that much more attuned to it. Either way, it's hard when you're trying to recover to be smacked in the face with it all over again. I saw it on the tv show "Justified" and the passionate sex scene between the main character and his remarried x-wife was hard to watch.
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Old 06-08-2011, 02:39 PM   #4 (permalink)
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one of my and my wifes favorite comedies is forgetting sarah marshall...mostly because of russell brand...

but it came on lately and i had ti change it, because the premise is that sarah marshall was cheating on the lead character for a year...i mean its a comedy and all, but its hard to watch at this point...


even with mila kunis....
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Old 06-08-2011, 05:26 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Just watched Sarah Marshall again recently, but I was alone in the house as my wife was working or something. Even though that hit on her cheating or whatever, they weren't married, so it didn't really bother me as much as I thought. And Mila Kunis pretty much cancelled out any bad feelings I had. If only we all had a Mila waiting for us....
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Old 06-08-2011, 05:41 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Things haven't changed much since the Tale of Genji was penned, have they?

I don't agree with censorship, but I do agree with freedom of choice. Both in media and in life.

I think most people cope with less than perfect marriages & lives or parts thereof by having daydreams or fantasies: movies and literature are an extension of that, only collectively so.
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Old 06-08-2011, 05:42 PM   #7 (permalink)
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I think it bothers my H more than me right now, even though he's the DS and I'm the LS. He said it was easier to ignore his guilt when his affair was only known to him, another beast all together when it's out in the open.

When I watch shows about affairs I'm curious about how it's portrayed and focus more on the show then my own life drama. Since I'm the LS, I'm not the one always being portrayed as a total d-bag cheater, so I see why my H hates seeing it. Reminders suck.
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Old 06-08-2011, 05:55 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I guess we can conclude that being betrayed certainly changes your perspective on TV shows and movies.
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Old 06-08-2011, 06:33 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Homemaker_Numero_Uno View Post
Things haven't changed much since the Tale of Genji was penned, have they?

I don't agree with censorship, but I do agree with freedom of choice. Both in media and in life.

I think most people cope with less than perfect marriages & lives or parts thereof by having daydreams or fantasies: movies and literature are an extension of that, only collectively so.
The aristocracy of 11th c Japan I think had a more realistic grasp of things. Sure, everything is imperfect, but it's a 'modern' illusion to imagine things are supposed to be perfect.

To rip a page from modern cinema.

"Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock. So long Holly." - Harry Lime, in 'The Third Man'

And another brilliant line from the same movie "A person doesn't change just because you find out more."
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Old 06-09-2011, 12:00 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Was watching American Dad tonight and it was one where fran wanted to be part of some social group. The knack of that group "the ladybugs" is that each one of them had affairs. They stumble onto Fran doing something that looks like she's having an affair. And was accepted into the group. I love the show but had to turn the channel. Both me and the wife was watching it. Bu because were in an ongoing situation. It was very uncomforable.
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