Twistedheart

In short, wife of 13 yrs/15 yrs together, 2 kids. My D Day was May 2010. She had 7 month PA. I discovered via cell phone bill. Had I not discovered we would have been divorced today. My story is in my signature.

We are trying to work through it. Well, if you ask her everything's hunky dory and she'll never cheat again, we'll be together forever blah blah blah. Inside myself it isn't ok and I get tired of hearing all that BS from her. Something doesn't feel right.

I keep thinking to myself that this love she has for me, what I thought was genuine before the A, just is not. It seems really dry and generic. Like if it wasn't me it would just be someone else and she could care less who as long as it was someone. I am not sure she knows how to love anyone for real, besides her self.

And who knows, we were so young when we got married, I thought that was how love was supposed to be. I thought everything was perfect. Obviously it wasn't because she strayed. But I sense no change in her.

She seems to be the same person even before the A. If anyone has changed, it is me. I try to meet her needs but I am getting tired of doing that. It feels like I am putting in work, and she just gets to have her cake and eat it too. And I get to walk around with the shame of having been cheated on.

In the beginning these emotional roller coaster's were almost hourly to daily. Then they went to weekly to every other week. But now, 13 months later, these past few weeks have been really tough. I second guess my decision to reconcile daily. I wonder if I am making the right decison. Is this normal? Anyone else have similiar feelings?

I just needed to get this off of my chest this morning. It feels good to just write things down sometimes. Thanks for listening!

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My Story

F-102

Sounds like she just wants to pretend this never happened and go back to the old M without doing the work of true reconciliation.