SecretTears

It's been 1 month past DDay and I have gone through the denial stage (in .5 seconds) and I thought that my intense anger was fading a bit these last few days. Had some normal conversation with WH and even a hug over the weekend. Great. Today, I went to the Dr. for the std check.

I was anxious about it all night. I broke down in the Dr. office and the whole thing was so humiliating (fortunately my dr. is wonderful, calm and comforting, can't say enough good things about how she handled the visit today).

Anyway so now again all my emotions have resurfaced. I am crying and really sad about what happened. I am so mad at my WH for putting me through this and for potentially giving me some nasty disease. I am doubting again my ability to ever forgive him. And the dr said it could take up to 2 weeks for the tests to come back, I am so anxious and distraught, I don't know how I will make it that long.

Thank you for reading/listening. It feels good to get it off my chest.

StrugglingMan

It's a little over a month since Dday for me and I can understand. My wife has gone out of town on business for the first time since dday and I'm a bit of a wreck. I haven't had the mind movies for over a week and suddenly all I can see is her in a hotel rm w/OM.

I know she's actually there on business (she showed me the itinerary her company booked and the charge on the company cred card for her and her team) but my heart is just beating like a drum all day.

Does your H apologize? Feel remorse? Want to make the situation better?

It gets better. I know it does. It will be that way for you too, just have patience and faith.

lordmayhem

I know it's rough so soon after DDay, all I can say is it will eventually get better and offer you a hug.

(((SecretTears)))

Saffron

I had a horrible day when I went in for my std testing too. Even though my H wore a condom, there's still things you can catch. I was tested for the works. Made him get tested too. I felt better the following day and was able to put it out of my mind for the most part until we got our results (all clear).

Try to stay busy and for sure talk to your WH. I felt so much better after letting him know how embarassed I felt about getting std testing when I've been married for over 14 years. It brings the hurt rushing back to the surface again.

It does get better, but a lot depends on how well your WH is supporting you through the healing process.

SecretTears

Thanks! I feel a touch better today. StrugglingMan I totally understand how your wife being away might be a trigger. Looks like we are at the same stage about 1 month past DDay, it gets a little better most days. My H apologizes, feels remorse, goes to counseling, got tested for STDs, is transparent. Even then last night I completely lost it on him (I actually felt a tad sorry for him but really not that much). He asked me what he could do for me while we wait for the test results but I really don't know if there is anything he or we can do. Just wait I guess.

StrugglingMan

Secret, I think there are a few of us who are all in the same time frame. Funny how that works. I realized yesterday for the first time that my dday was Friday 13th. How weird is that?

We get a little better every day. My triggers are becoming pretty manageable. I even triggered during MC last night and if I hadn't said something about it they would never have known. I triggered, got upset, processed it and let it go, all in the space of a few minutes. So I'm hoping that they will all be like that.

Who knows? We are still dealing with a little bit of fallout that hasn't quite cleared up but hopefully after next week we can start putting it all behind us.

Good luck!

disabled

Sorry that you had to endure the pain. Have faith in Jesus that everything is going to be alright. I know you are in really bad pain. I want to offer words of comfort. Pray to Jesus for his touch in your life. He will help you get over this.


Huggzzzzzz