How would you interpret this message

ladybird · 06-26-2011, 05:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mirrormask

There is nothing for you to "understand" here. The fact is that sometimes things cant be taken back. She has said something that will stay with you for a very long time. I hate to tell you my friend but your not gonna look at her the same when she returns home. You will either have to let it go for good. Or it will eat at you till you despise her and leave her.

This is the truth.

I over heard my husband and his 18 year old son talking about stuff he should have been tell his son to begin with. When i asked my h about what was said he said "I dont remember that conversation." Well i know what i heard, now i just need the proof. Easier said then done tho. IT has eaten away at me for the last year and it will until i finally find out the truth.. I am going to find out on my birthday (i know of all days to find out) but he says he has to work and can not get it off (2nd year in a row, so we will see if he is really at work that day! I am betting he won't be!

KanDo · 06-26-2011, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by reindeer

Things have changed a bit since your last post KanDo. i was just wondering why you are at MC, but also proceeding in a legal way, are you planning to divorce or hoping to reconcile?

I am sorry you feel so bad. I understand that. Further to my last post, I now have confronted my husband with absoloute proof and he still denies. I have broken all contact with him for 15 days now. I do feel more in control and it is helping me to move forward.

The truth is painful, but you need to know, not being sure is even worse. Take care.

I am in MC to see if we can work it out and as it is also a requirement for divorce in my jurisdiction. If we are in my city and away from Jim's city, I am hopeful that we can make the marriage work. Short of that, she is gone. The beginning of the paperwork has helped me by making my plan concrete (Maybe I am a bit weird, but it has helped my anxiety because I have decided what to do???) Anyway. It is my expectation she will choode Jim given the emails I found.

reindeer · 06-27-2011, 12:57 AM

That makes more sense now then. I can understand too that having a plan makes you feel better, you are more incontrol. I too feel like that with some things I am doing (although yesterday, I felt very out of control).

I am sorry to hear that the e mails were particularly leaning towards things not working out. If it does seem like you have a chance, do be sure you can handle the doubts you might have. I have been in that place and I could never really drop the doubts. This played a destructive part in our marriage, which I know led to its downfall. Thinking of you.

shaung · 06-27-2011, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KanDo

I am in MC to see if we can work it out and as it is also a requirement for divorce in my jurisdiction. If we are in my city and away from Jim's city, I am hopeful that we can make the marriage work. Short of that, she is gone. The beginning of the paperwork has helped me by making my plan concrete (Maybe I am a bit weird, but it has helped my anxiety because I have decided what to do???) Anyway. It is my expectation she will choode Jim given the emails I found.

Did she ever admit who 'Jim' was?

KanDo · 06-27-2011, 03:19 PM

Yes Jim she says is a good friend who she does everything with and I should understand

KanDo · 06-28-2011, 04:47 PM

Well,
I had planned on a "Choose me or him" discussion on Thursday; but the MC says I should not have an ultimatum in there and that I don't know enough yet to make a decision about this ??!? Is that right?

KanDo · 06-29-2011, 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KanDo

Well,
I had planned on a "Choose me or him" discussion on Thursday; but the MC says I should not have an ultimatum in there and that I don't know enough yet to make a decision about this ??!? Is that right?

NObody has a thought on this development????

whodoyouthinkyouare · 06-29-2011, 12:59 PM

It looks to me like she meant to send that text to a friend stating "she wants two lives, one with you and other with him" - kind of like a vent text.

2xloser · 06-29-2011, 01:35 PM

A MC who doesn't think she needs to make a choice is a MC I would never see again.

Nobody can tell you what is right for you; only you know what you feel and think about your situation. fwiw, I feel that choice up-front is a critical first step toward any possibility of R. Without it, you're fighting a losing fight, and fighting it alone when it takes two to succeed. It's hard enough to do with both of you fighting for it.

KanDo · 06-30-2011, 05:28 PM

Well, The MC told her she could not be working on the marriage and continue this 2nd relationship. W interprets this a controlling her. Sort of admitted the relationship was over the line. Says she doesn't want a divorce but not certain she can re-engage in the marriage. I'm continuing in the therapeutic posture for now.

KanDo · 07-05-2011, 08:16 PM

Well, the hits just keep on coming. I remained concerned that I did not really know the full story. This weekend the current W left to pick up someone at the airport and left her laptop in the kitchen. Her yahoo email was open and I couldn't help but look through it. In the trash folder I found a copy of a risque picture she had taken of herself emailed to a different yahoo account. I took a chance and tried to reset the password for that different email account and the reset email came to her normal account: I was in! Turns out it is much worse than I thought. Multiple guys.

Told her to leave when she got back. Tears remorse and apologies ensued. wants me to continue counseling with her for a bit and see if we can get through this.

Would anyone actually do this????.

DayDream · 07-05-2011, 08:22 PM

Would you ever be able to trust her again? I say no.

reindeer · 07-06-2011, 01:05 AM

As she works away, don't think it is worth your while.

This must have been an awful shock-sorry, I understand how those things just hit you.

KanDo · 07-08-2011, 04:18 PM

Ok,

MC has pleaded that I wait a month before making any permanent decision. W, has been very loving, but in the midst of this crisis, went on a long weekend "Girls Birthday celebration" trip to Las Vegas! If this wasn't so sad it would be comical. I have no evidence that this trip is not innocent, but just the thought of something like this when the relationship is in crisis seems crazy!

Or am I wrong?

Current plan is to take advantage of the warmth and attention for the month and boot her cute a** out. ( I know, I'm hating myself over it). Comes back Monday.

michzz · 07-08-2011, 04:23 PM

How old were the affairs and raunchy pictures? Or are they current?

Personally, I don't see the attraction for this person as a wife.

Running off to Vegas is NOT how a contrite supposedly ex-cheater/trying to be ex-cheater should act.

Curb her.