I apologize in advance if this gets lengthy. I just discovered this board and while I am happy to have found it, I am very sad that I had to look for it.
I confirmed suspicions today that husband cheated. He claims it was one time only. Today seems like a bad dream, with part of it playing out like a scene from Fatal Attraction. The other woman put a note on my car to tell me what was going on. I am acquainted with her so I went to her house. He was there. What was I thinking? Fast forward, she told me the reason she did it was because she tried to be friends with me and I didn't want to be friends with her. Gee, ya think?
My first reaction was to change the locks and send him packing, but I do not want to act hastily. We've been together almost 15 years, married for 8 (no kids). Both in our mid-40s, only marriage for each. Although I hate him right now, I do love him. He keeps telling me I should throw him out on the street. It's tempting. If he keeps saying it, I may acquiesce. I cannot look at him right now.
Oh, and by the way, he has a porn addiction. I have put filters on our network to block much of it, but the internet is laden with the stuff, so it's impossible to block it all.
I needed to talk to someone, so spoke to my mother, who is a veteran of two divorces, and finally it looks like marriage #3 (22 years) is a keeper. Of course, she supports whatever I want to do, and one thing I asked is that she NOT tell my father (though divorced 35 years, they still remain amicable). I told my husband that I had told her but was not going to tell my father, and he said that he would. I came completely unglued and told him it would kill my father; I will always be his little girl. Unburdening on him would only make things harder. My step-mother would never speak to him again. Guaranteed. In case we work this out, there's no need for them to know yet.
I believe we need marriage counseling (have probably needed it for a while.) On top of this, I believe he needs help for possible bipolar/ADHD. He has agreed to go to counseling with the understanding that he must follow the counselor's advice.
If I could have found an emergency counselor today, we would have been there.
Glad I started blood pressure meds a couple of weeks ago.
Words cannot describe what I am feeling. Betrayal, heartbreak, shock, anger, disgust, sorrow, disbelief, fear, more? More than anything, I feel broken.
Thanks for reading. It helps just to put this in words.
I confirmed suspicions today that husband cheated. He claims it was one time only. Today seems like a bad dream, with part of it playing out like a scene from Fatal Attraction. The other woman put a note on my car to tell me what was going on. I am acquainted with her so I went to her house. He was there. What was I thinking? Fast forward, she told me the reason she did it was because she tried to be friends with me and I didn't want to be friends with her. Gee, ya think?
My first reaction was to change the locks and send him packing, but I do not want to act hastily. We've been together almost 15 years, married for 8 (no kids). Both in our mid-40s, only marriage for each. Although I hate him right now, I do love him. He keeps telling me I should throw him out on the street. It's tempting. If he keeps saying it, I may acquiesce. I cannot look at him right now.
Oh, and by the way, he has a porn addiction. I have put filters on our network to block much of it, but the internet is laden with the stuff, so it's impossible to block it all.
I needed to talk to someone, so spoke to my mother, who is a veteran of two divorces, and finally it looks like marriage #3 (22 years) is a keeper. Of course, she supports whatever I want to do, and one thing I asked is that she NOT tell my father (though divorced 35 years, they still remain amicable). I told my husband that I had told her but was not going to tell my father, and he said that he would. I came completely unglued and told him it would kill my father; I will always be his little girl. Unburdening on him would only make things harder. My step-mother would never speak to him again. Guaranteed. In case we work this out, there's no need for them to know yet.
I believe we need marriage counseling (have probably needed it for a while.) On top of this, I believe he needs help for possible bipolar/ADHD. He has agreed to go to counseling with the understanding that he must follow the counselor's advice.
If I could have found an emergency counselor today, we would have been there.
Glad I started blood pressure meds a couple of weeks ago.
Words cannot describe what I am feeling. Betrayal, heartbreak, shock, anger, disgust, sorrow, disbelief, fear, more? More than anything, I feel broken.
Thanks for reading. It helps just to put this in words.