I'm married and have 2 children and am on the verge of losing everything I worked so hard for.
It started with an older guy paying attention to me. I brushed it off because he was over 10-years older than me. It was completely harmless when it started. I tried to stop a few times, but he always found a way to get back in touch with me. After a while, it turned physical. I did something so unbelievably stupid. I can't even understand why I did it. I also got caught by my children and daughter's friend.
My kids told my husband. He exploded about how F-ing stupid could I be to do something like this when the kids were around and how could I do this to us, etc. He was yelling and insulting me in front of our children. I tried denying it, but he called the OM and he admitted to it.
My daughter couldn't even go to school at the end of the year. My kids won't speak to me. They told my parents, my parents won't speak to me. I tried calling my dad today for father's day and he cried and told me he had to go.
I still can't believe that I was used. We had a real connection and now he is denying it. To save his own marriage I'm certain. Why does he get to keep his family and mine is disowning me? The old double standard at work.
I'm about to lose everything. My husband won't even hear of counseling. If he truly loved me we'd get past this. I'd forgive him. I've tried explaining that and he just gets angrier.
I made another mistake and moved out of the house. My kids and H were insistent that I go. Now my kids refuse to speak with me, write/email me, or spend time with me. I was in the PTA, helped sell girl scout cookies, was a homeroom mother, walked the floor at night when they were sick, etc. How could they forget everything I have done! My daughter is in counseling and wants to be home schooled because she says she can't face her friends at school next year. My husband speaks to me, but only in a business like tone. He said I killed us.
Before it turned physical, I tried telling him that I had an older man was flirting with me. He brushed it off. Does he not own part of this as well?
I read some of the posts on here and tried calling the OMs wife. She already knew, told me to not call any more and that I was harassing her family. This can't be legal, surely there is something I can do, get him for slander?
I am at a complete loss. I know it was wrong, but this outcome is not possible. I was a good mom/wife/person. I do not deserve this and cannot figure out how to help my family understand that. This cannot be my life. It doesn't even seem real.
I also want the OM to tell me one on one why he is now acting this way.
I feel the pain in your post. But, I have to say no, your H doesn't "own part of this" and neither does the OM. You are responsible for what you did.
My advice is to get your H away from the house in a neutral place and talk to him. Remind him of your family and all you will lose. Keep in mind that taking you back would be a big hit to his self respect and pride. I know this, I've been there.
Let him know you understand this and tell him how you feel. You need to understand there's a painful atonement for what you did but you need to start the process. Believe it of not, you could actually be closer as a couple after all of this.
I wish you the very best.
How is the OM not responsible? He was right there with me. He chased me, not the other way around. He is married also.
I was never a ****ty girl and have only been with 2 other guys before my H. Both were long term boyfriends. I have never ever done anything like this before.
Sorry dear but you diserve this, so the best thing right now is own it, make no excusess for it.
Once you truely own this behavior then you can make the step with in your self to change. To make a personal commitment to your self to never be that person again.
Then you can only hope that your husband and kids see this change and see that you have taken full responsablity for your actions and see the new person infront of them that can regain their trust.
So please stop with the OM did this and he did that and I don't diserve this and that.....own this sh*t and women up. You f*cked up and now take the cosequences like a big girl and stop blaming the OM and show your family who you really are and what you want to be.
It will take time to show them that you are different now and the ughly lessons you learned will make you a better person.
How is the OM not responsible? He was right there with me. He chased me, not the other way around. He is married also.
He is responsible for his own marriage, but not yours. Until you own up to screwing your marriage up all by yourself, you will never be able to begin to heal. You allowed this. Having some guy flirt with you made you feel good. You felt alive, excited and beautiful. Then your fantasy crashed all around you. You did it, not your husband, not the OM.
The OM was obviously looking for a quick lay with no strings attached and got it.
What do you think would have happened if you had not been caught?
I still can't believe that I was used. We had a real connection and now he is denying it. To save his own marriage I'm certain. Why does he get to keep his family and mine is disowning me? The old double standard at work.
It's too bad you didn't find this forum before you had the affair. People such as myself would have warned you that the only connection he had with you was wanting to bang you and put another notch in his belt. When are you women going to learn that a man will tell you ANYTHING to get in your pants??
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Originally Posted by Anymum
I'm about to lose everything. My husband won't even hear of counseling. If he truly loved me we'd get past this. I'd forgive him. I've tried explaining that and he just gets angrier.
Easy for you to say since your the one that cheated. If you truly loved your husband you wouldn't have cheated on him in the first place, and certainly not been stupid enough to get caught by your children. Talk about throwing caution to the wind. Some people don't want to deal with the deception and lies. You not only cheated, you lied about it afterward. And now have the gall to blame your husband for not doing something when you told him someone was flirting with you?
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Originally Posted by Anymum
How can I fix this mess??
You can start be accepting full responsibility for your actions.
I'm not trying to make excuses. I admit i made a mistake, but the end result is to severe. Also, just pointing out that I'm not alone in this mess. Why doesn't all of the things I have done before count for anything? How long is this supposed to take. It's been over a month and only getting worse.
Fix it by taking all the severity and blame and carry it...own it and except all the consequences that are put on you. Do this with out any deniel. Show your family you will except and understand there pain that you have caused.
Once they see you owning this mistake it will be easier for them to forgive.
This is going on for ...what a month and nothings changed? its getting worse? Well please look inside your self in what you can change to show others. What is it that *you* can do different that you haven't done in the last month?
At the time I never stopped to consider the consequences, but would have never imagined this. You cannot imagine how horrible I feel. This went against everything I believed in. I don't know why I did this.
You are also making assumptions about the OM. I can't believe that he used me me for just sex. He shared personal issues with me. He won't even give me the time of day now for one last discussion to close this out. He has washed his hands of me.
I can probably ball park it, I watched my husband go through this same thing. He had an affair as well, and it ended pretty similarly. And he thought the same thing about his affair partner, that it must be real, that she really GOT him, they could be so happy. Then he found out she was basically after a paycheck and someone to rub in her husbands face. And she got it! Almost at the cost of two marriages!!
No one here is going to say you are a terrible person, just that you did a terrible thing. as you can tell by being here, it happens a lot. the first thing you are going to probably have to realize, is what the FOG is. Because I think you are still in it quite a bit
My mess 
