its apparent that in addition to everything else that is difficult with the Fog mechanism, one of the things I find hardly bareable is the complete and utter lack of any PROBLEM with this whole mess according to her own actions and daily routine.
La, Ti, DAHHhh, as if things are so completely normal.
not one singular molecule of discomfort in her.
no step was missed, no stumble
Plans made for the next few months with her girlfriends. whoo hoo!!! Life will be good!
Its hard to deal with this.
Why is it that "I" am dealing with grief and turmoil and gutwrenching heartache??
She appears to have simply just awoke from a long nap, refreshed!!
I know what this is, and I know her time will come.
I was just getting this out there so OTHERS will know they arent alone.
That's fine that it won't last, and she'll crash and be the fool while I still have my values. But how is that a win for me again? I lose my wife, my family is split up forever, I am reduced to a distraught and lonely mess and will never ever be able to completely trust my lover ever again. I am not vindicative nor do I want to be, I just want this all to stop because it feels like I'll be stuck repairing the damage no matter what and the longer this goes on the more damage it will do. I don't want to see her ruin her life, even if I have already decided not to be a part of it any longer.
And you are free to vent Lon. We all want our pain to stop, each of us. There are no winners in this situation. Trust that you CAN move from a distraught and lonely mess into a strong and independent person. The longer it goes on, the more you will have dealt with. You WILL get through this, Lon.
Argh its getting messy right now... I told her family my side of things and they have been confronting(?) her about it, she is getting livid with me for making her life a "disaster" and she is threatening to withold her family from me. I had just told her any problems with her and her family are between them, I told her they are my family too and will take some time to detach from that. She asked me to drop my son off at her parents and pick him up before bed since her brother is in town, but I want to have a quick visit with him too, even if its to say my last goodbyes (which it probably won't be). Said I can go if I don't talk about her, I said I'd respect that, no reason I can't show them our text conversation though (not sure if thats useful yet). Gah.
YES LON, get rid of this idea that you are going to be something less, because your WIFE screwed up.
Thats giving her wayyyy too much power over who and what you are. Of course there will be emotional pain and hurting. You still seem to respect her as a grown woman adult capable of making her own decisions, so what part was yours in that again?
That exactly how my wife acts. She wonders why I get pissed at the very thought of her talking with her g/fs about going out to a club or something for "girls night". She just acts as if nothing happened and that there isn't a care in the world.
You still seem to respect her as a grown woman adult capable of making her own decisions, so what part was yours in that again?
Not sure I follow the question... the "what part was yours in that" part. You mean I need to let her deal with the consequences of her actions by herself?
I'm trying to be respectful but I realize she is not a grown woman (emotionally or intellectually) and is capable of making her own decisions (just most are the wrong ones at least for the past several months)
Anyway the damage is done already, I'm just trying to get in all the casualty reports.
I know how you feel. In this situation nothing makes you crazier than listening to her sitting there giggling non-stop at a TV show while you are in the corner feeling like you are dying.
How do these people go on through life thinking its just dandy to inflict so much heartache on the person they once considered their "everything." I'm at a loss. I guess I should be relieved with my situation... huh...
That exactly how my wife acts. She wonders why I get pissed at the very thought of her talking with her g/fs about going out to a club or something for "girls night". She just acts as if nothing happened and that there isn't a care in the world.
Supression, Minimizing, Denial and Blame Shifting. All the favorite defense mechinisms of a person coping with an inability to take responsibilty for their actions.
Also a good checklist/road map for your probabilty of recovery of the marriage. Are they there? then your marriage is not.
If I was in that situation I would just get angrier and angrier to the point of utter hostility toward my wife. Ugh.
Now, mine has been doing that, but we are in R, and healing together, so it's okay. But if it's over, or if the WW is still with the OM, I would be openly hostile if this was happening, and making sure she wasn't having such an awesome time.
I mean, you know what her "buttons" are, right? Push them.
How do these people go on through life thinking its just dandy to inflict so much heartache on the person they once considered their "everything." I'm at a loss. I guess I should be relieved with my situation... huh...
Supression, Minimizing, Denial and Blame Shifting. All the favorite defense mechinisms of a person coping with an inability to take responsibilty for their actions.
Also a good checklist/road map for your probabilty of recovery of the marriage. Are they there? then your marriage is not.
my exH's OW wrote me an email last night and all the above (Supression, Minimizing, Denial and Blame Shifting) was in that email and directed right at me. She blamed me for her problems.
The Happiness that Fog Brings 
