06-24-2011, 10:44 AM
Join Date: Jun 2011
| | Please help, I dont know what to do
This is my first time posting something like this, I just don’t know what to do or where to go.
My husband and I have only been married for 8 months (as of yesterday). But I have known him for 12 years, we have been together for almost 7 and have lived together for 6. Earlier in our relationship (about 1 and a half years) I got pregnant and miscarried before I was 12 weeks along. I was pretty young and it took a big toll on me. I pushed him away emotionally and physically. I know it was the wrong thing to do but I was so depressed and cried every time he touched me. I know this hurt him just as much. He wasn’t getting the attention from me and was hurt. He initiated a talk with me on how I was feeling and I told him. He was so upset that someone (regardless of who) was close enough to him to make him feel like I had made him feel so he put up his walls against me and wont let me in. He sought out attention from other women and this made matters worse so our relationship was in a downward spiral. 3 years later I left and it took a week for him to come talk to me, he knew I was at my moms house and all but begged me to come home and said things would be different. He was starting to become a little more open with me and I feel that he just got comfortable and things went back to the way they were (not with him talking to other women, just the lack of communication). I started to give up on us all together, even looked for another apartment so that I could move out and he found paperwork for an apartment and we got into it, but it was actually the most constructive talk we had ever had. We decided to give our relationship a chance, vowed to make changes, I would be less suspicious of him and his previous actions and he would be more open verbally and emotionally. In the longest time he hadn’t just held or kissed me for no reason, told me he loved me without me telling him first or been fulfilling my emotional needs (affection, sensitivity, communicate with me, compliment me on anything at all).
After this, things were perfect, we were the happiest we had been in a long time and I fell in love with him all over again. No fights, not arguments…absolutely amazing. A few months later he asked me to marry him. Told me the last few months had been the best time of his life and is what he wanted for the rest of his life for us. I accepted and a little over a year later we were married. This was last October and since we have been back from our honeymoon things have been really rocky. He had begun to earn my trust back fully UNTIL I found on facebook that my best friend had been talking to him about how much she wanted him and I felt so betrayed, so lied to because he hid their conversations from me. It felt like the old wounds had been ripped open and I began to fall into depression thinking “why did I marry him….what is going to happen now, things are going to get bad again and everything we rebuilt is crumbling at my feet and I don’t know how to deal”. (this was 4 months ago) and here I am now, still not over it…still struggling. We have no communication…things are right were they started. He got mad at me yesterday because I picked up him phone and unlocked the screen. Don’t know why I did it, I wasn’t looking for anything. But he flipped out and we haven’t really talked since (with the exception of arguing and him calling me a nosey *****). I feel like we have the potential to be great but its just like no matter what it always comes back to where we are now.
I did not post this to have everyone tell me to leave this man, because he is not all to blame. I am trying to figure out what I can do to help open up the line of communication again. How can we get back to what we had. I don’t want to fight anymore. I love this man more than anything, and I don’t want to lose everything we have and could have. I know I have tried to keep this as short as possible so I have left a lot out….I hope someone has the time to read my novel because I feel like I am at a road block.