I have been to other sites similar to this one in the past. Recently, I have found myself coming back to this one frequently over the past week. To seek answers. To seek stories of people who may be in the emotion state I'm in. This is my 1st post. So I will try to talk about my situation and background the best I can.
My wife and I have been married for 15 years, raised 5 children. 4 are mine. 1 was from a previous relationship she had, this one has been a part of my life since she was one years old. It has been a marriage with it's ups and downs having a family this big. For the most part, I have always felt we had love that would get us through life. But of course, financial struggles from raising 5 children has caused stress and problems in the marriage. For me, growing up in a similar up bringing with a strong mother, I felt if my mother could do it, then 2 parents could succeed where only one did. To me, though I wish life could have been slightly easier. I only had to think of my kids it gave me strength and felt after the kids have grown. My wife and I could finally do the things we missed out on doing when we were younger.
I have cheated on my wife the 1st year of marriage. So I guess, in the end. I might have been the cause of all this. At the time I was stupid and selfish. It caused my wife a lot of pain and I didn't help her in the healing process. I kept pretending to myself that we barely knew each other and wasn't sure if I wanted to stay married. I was so stupid and immature. I deserve all the pain I am getting right now. Since the first year. It made me sick to my stomach what I had done and have never done it again. It wasn't until the 3rd year of marriage when I finally confessed to her voluntarily. She took me back and our mistake was not to seek counselling of any sort.
8th year of our marriage. My wife has an affair with an old boyfriend. This hurt me allot. This was when I started going on forums such as this one to find answers and advice. In a way it helped me understand why it happened and what we had to do in order to move forward. We separated for 6 months and got back together. If anything, I felt our relationship got stronger. As bad as this sounds. I felt the affair helped our marriage in a way. It made me understand her more. Things were revealed to me about her past that helped both of us to become stronger. But like I mentioned before, life raising 5 children can be stressful. At times I became verbally abusive. I didn't help out enough around the house. I feel I could have done more.
15th year of marriage. The past couple months, I noticed a change in her. She seemed different. All of a sudden I started to see red flags from 7 years ago. I asked her several times if there was something going on. of course she denied any funny business going on. I saw the signs but keep telling myself that I must be going crazy. Especially, since after the last affair, she earned my trust back. Well, a week and 1/2 ago we get into an argument about the condition of the house. for the last couple months I started to notice how certain things were not getting done in the house. It didn't help that she has been very harsh with me for just the little things that I would ask her. In turn I would get upset and it become a big argument. She also seemed like she was distancing from me. Which hurt me a lot so that caused even more problems for us.
Well, at the time she said she wanted a divorce which caught me by surprise. Not even a chance of working anything out. She told me she wanted her own place, her own money, and do her own thing. I already felt this was just BS. I knew it was because she was probably just cheating on me again. Everything she was saying to me was the same things she told me when she had her last affair. But this time she was leaving me and the children. I had to talk her into trying to make this work, not only for me but for the kids. As much as I knew that most likely that the trust was gone. I wanted to at least try. All she did was tell me what she wanted me to hear. She was still trying to protect herself. Trickle-truth is all I got. Lies after lies. It was until after 8 days later when I notice how she wouldn't show me her phone, so I told her either we work this out or show me the phone. Well even then she couldn't say anything to me. I practically guessed everything right with just her nodding her head and the occasional yes. What killed me the most was when she said she loved him. How she wasn't willing to give him up. I keep telling her that she was just in a fog. That that this bum was just a predator feeding on women with marriage problems. That he was just telling her all the things she wanted to hear and that her brief time with this guy was not worth a marriage of 15 years and 5 children. She couldn't understand and didn't want to listen to me. After a couple days of talking things through I finally got her to stop all contact with him in order to reconcile from this.
Well 2 days ago I was next to her when she text him to say it was over between them now. This guy she claimed loved her doesn't respond back until 6 hours later with. "ok" "So you are getting back with your ex?" "Is this what your saying?" I told her to not call or text him back. that it was over. She listened to me. But the he texts her back hours later with,"Don't contact me again you crazy POS." With that last text from him it seemed as the fog started to lift. It was like she was starting to wake up. Well, I felt we were going in the right direction even so it was still too early to tell. I felt we had a chance to try to improve on our relationship and if it didn't work out in the end. Hopefully, we could become a better person to whoever we end up. We were planning to seek IC and MC. And make changes in our lives.
All of this changed when I found out from my brother that 3 weeks ago she borrowed money from him, telling him she was planning to get me something for father's day. My brother was the one that pulled me aside and asked me if she bought me anything. I told him no. And truthfully, I can't remember one time, in the 15 years of our marriage that she has went out of her way of getting me anything. I gotten her things in the past all the time. This is not about materialistic things. It hurt me deep inside knowing the sign of affectation she showed for this bum she only knew for 3 months was more than what she has shown me through out our years together. It also hurt me that when I checked the date of which she did this, it was when we were struggling financially that week. After this I lost my temper and yelled at her. Something I promised myself not to do this time around. I just told her it was over. I think I felt it was already doomed but finding out what I did last night kind of confirmed it for me.
I'm so broken right now. I know I have to be strong for the kids and I have support of of family. I've found god again, which is the only good thing that came out of all this. I think right now I know I'm angry but I don't think I care anymore what happens to her. I feel I need to protect myself now.
I know this is long but I needed to vent. I know everything I'm saying might just be emotional but I can't understand why she would put us through this again.
My wife and I have been married for 15 years, raised 5 children. 4 are mine. 1 was from a previous relationship she had, this one has been a part of my life since she was one years old. It has been a marriage with it's ups and downs having a family this big. For the most part, I have always felt we had love that would get us through life. But of course, financial struggles from raising 5 children has caused stress and problems in the marriage. For me, growing up in a similar up bringing with a strong mother, I felt if my mother could do it, then 2 parents could succeed where only one did. To me, though I wish life could have been slightly easier. I only had to think of my kids it gave me strength and felt after the kids have grown. My wife and I could finally do the things we missed out on doing when we were younger.
I have cheated on my wife the 1st year of marriage. So I guess, in the end. I might have been the cause of all this. At the time I was stupid and selfish. It caused my wife a lot of pain and I didn't help her in the healing process. I kept pretending to myself that we barely knew each other and wasn't sure if I wanted to stay married. I was so stupid and immature. I deserve all the pain I am getting right now. Since the first year. It made me sick to my stomach what I had done and have never done it again. It wasn't until the 3rd year of marriage when I finally confessed to her voluntarily. She took me back and our mistake was not to seek counselling of any sort.
8th year of our marriage. My wife has an affair with an old boyfriend. This hurt me allot. This was when I started going on forums such as this one to find answers and advice. In a way it helped me understand why it happened and what we had to do in order to move forward. We separated for 6 months and got back together. If anything, I felt our relationship got stronger. As bad as this sounds. I felt the affair helped our marriage in a way. It made me understand her more. Things were revealed to me about her past that helped both of us to become stronger. But like I mentioned before, life raising 5 children can be stressful. At times I became verbally abusive. I didn't help out enough around the house. I feel I could have done more.
15th year of marriage. The past couple months, I noticed a change in her. She seemed different. All of a sudden I started to see red flags from 7 years ago. I asked her several times if there was something going on. of course she denied any funny business going on. I saw the signs but keep telling myself that I must be going crazy. Especially, since after the last affair, she earned my trust back. Well, a week and 1/2 ago we get into an argument about the condition of the house. for the last couple months I started to notice how certain things were not getting done in the house. It didn't help that she has been very harsh with me for just the little things that I would ask her. In turn I would get upset and it become a big argument. She also seemed like she was distancing from me. Which hurt me a lot so that caused even more problems for us.
Well, at the time she said she wanted a divorce which caught me by surprise. Not even a chance of working anything out. She told me she wanted her own place, her own money, and do her own thing. I already felt this was just BS. I knew it was because she was probably just cheating on me again. Everything she was saying to me was the same things she told me when she had her last affair. But this time she was leaving me and the children. I had to talk her into trying to make this work, not only for me but for the kids. As much as I knew that most likely that the trust was gone. I wanted to at least try. All she did was tell me what she wanted me to hear. She was still trying to protect herself. Trickle-truth is all I got. Lies after lies. It was until after 8 days later when I notice how she wouldn't show me her phone, so I told her either we work this out or show me the phone. Well even then she couldn't say anything to me. I practically guessed everything right with just her nodding her head and the occasional yes. What killed me the most was when she said she loved him. How she wasn't willing to give him up. I keep telling her that she was just in a fog. That that this bum was just a predator feeding on women with marriage problems. That he was just telling her all the things she wanted to hear and that her brief time with this guy was not worth a marriage of 15 years and 5 children. She couldn't understand and didn't want to listen to me. After a couple days of talking things through I finally got her to stop all contact with him in order to reconcile from this.
Well 2 days ago I was next to her when she text him to say it was over between them now. This guy she claimed loved her doesn't respond back until 6 hours later with. "ok" "So you are getting back with your ex?" "Is this what your saying?" I told her to not call or text him back. that it was over. She listened to me. But the he texts her back hours later with,"Don't contact me again you crazy POS." With that last text from him it seemed as the fog started to lift. It was like she was starting to wake up. Well, I felt we were going in the right direction even so it was still too early to tell. I felt we had a chance to try to improve on our relationship and if it didn't work out in the end. Hopefully, we could become a better person to whoever we end up. We were planning to seek IC and MC. And make changes in our lives.
All of this changed when I found out from my brother that 3 weeks ago she borrowed money from him, telling him she was planning to get me something for father's day. My brother was the one that pulled me aside and asked me if she bought me anything. I told him no. And truthfully, I can't remember one time, in the 15 years of our marriage that she has went out of her way of getting me anything. I gotten her things in the past all the time. This is not about materialistic things. It hurt me deep inside knowing the sign of affectation she showed for this bum she only knew for 3 months was more than what she has shown me through out our years together. It also hurt me that when I checked the date of which she did this, it was when we were struggling financially that week. After this I lost my temper and yelled at her. Something I promised myself not to do this time around. I just told her it was over. I think I felt it was already doomed but finding out what I did last night kind of confirmed it for me.
I'm so broken right now. I know I have to be strong for the kids and I have support of of family. I've found god again, which is the only good thing that came out of all this. I think right now I know I'm angry but I don't think I care anymore what happens to her. I feel I need to protect myself now.
I know this is long but I needed to vent. I know everything I'm saying might just be emotional but I can't understand why she would put us through this again.