lovemyfmly

I am just coming in terms with the shocks. I am married or 10 years now and few months back my wife was caught cheating .she was having internet affair with a single man.after caught she admitted the relationship was on for some time and she wanted me to give her a chance.I trusted her and accepted her.we had healthy discussions as what went wrong between us for which she took such steps. both of us agreed to stick on to our marriage as we both love each other. we agreed to shed the past and start all over again, decided to forget the 3rd person who came between us.few days back she took the call of the man who tried to reach her against our understanding.when asked she said she took call to make him explain it is all over.few days back she confessed she is concerned as how he is going through and she admitted searching for his profile in the internet.i am not comfortable and told her very clearly as what i feel.she told that there is no harm in such curiosity and she is just searching profile and dont have any intention to restart. i am worried whether i am over doing it now or is she right on her concerns and curiosities. her such activities are hurting me again. Please guide

Runs like Dog

I guess I am retarded. What exactly is an internet affair?

lovemyfmly

they both crossed all limits over the net

Runs like Dog

I don't even know what that means. My wife talks to her female friends about intimate and raunchy things she's never admitted to me she even thinks about. What is that?

BigToe

She's wrong and you should be concerned. You should demand no contact and "no contact" means NO contact. She has no business being concerned about him. Tell her to start being concerned about YOU because if she continues this behavior she'll be looking for a new husband.

sexuallyfustrated

I don't understand for that life of me why they do that. You say you want to work things out yet in still your more concern about the person you ruind my life with. WTH?.

sexuallyfustrated

Ahhh there is a huge difference. A female friend and a man she is exchanging sexually conversation and or pics as well as emotions with. Yes it's a affair. Not a PA but a affair just the same.

jnj express

You have a 3rd party in your mge------she needs to stop thinking about him COMPLETELY----no one needs to give a hoot about what he feels

Ask her would she rather have him support, and take care of her---or would she rather have her solid mge, him being a stranger who in reality she knows nothing about.

Stop being mr. nice guy

Initfortheduration

The boundary is as follows. NO COMMUNICATION WHATSOEVER, NO INQUIRING AS TO ANYTHING CONCERNING THE OM EVER. That's it. Personally when she said it doesn't hurt anything, I would have told her that she must not think I AM ANYTHING. I would make her pack her stuff and get out. This would surely enlighten her as to exactly how you feel regarding her and how she defines what ANYTHING is. Get up in her grill.

joe kidd

Yep. She has to know there are consequences otherwise why stop.

morituri

Ask her how would she feel if the roles were reversed and you said to her the same things?

__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

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F-102

"No harm in such curiosity".

That's probably what she convinced herself of when she started the online A, and it got totally out of hand.

"No harm..." indeed.

reallyover?

My wife did this BS for 8 months...violated the nc after 4 months. I plan to file for divorce tomorrow. Tragic Facebook flameout. No trust, no marriage.

alphaomega

This is all part of the infidelity script. It's called fishing. It starts with a quick email or text, and yes, it could be innocent enough.

Her: hi. How are you? Just seeing how you are doing? I am concerned about you.
Him: I'm doing ok. As well as can be expected.
Her: explain?
Him: I miss our conversations.
Her: me too.
Him: I miss you!
Her: Me too! I miss yo so much!


And then they are off to the races again!

This is why there is to be NO contact! Ever. Again!
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sigma1299

What everyone has told you above is correct but I will add, as a the cheating spouse in an internet based EA, that putting the emotions of the EA behind you are hard and not done over night. No Contact is No Contact and that's what she should stick to because your feelings should mean more to her than the feelings of her AP or the pain she is experiencing in the death of her affair. If she truly wants to reconcile she will stick to no contact but don't hold it against her if she struggles with it for a little while.

I committed No Contact to my wife and broke it 3 times, some with my wife's consent and some not, but I was always completely honest and transparent with her. She was strong enough to believe that I was committed to our marriage and that I was really struggling through unraveling the affair in my mind. If she tells you the truth, all of the truth, try to help her out a little.

Again, the advice you've received so far is all spot on. Just trying to give a little perspective from the wayward side in that it is hard unwinding yourself from the Affair. That doesn't earn the wayward spouse any sympathy, they earned their pain, but it doesn't change the fact that no matter how much they love their spouse and want to reconcile, there is a lot of pain for the WS too.