I know my wife is having an affair. I'm not 100% certain yet, but given some recent facts that have presented themselves it is hard to believe that she isn't.
My wife and I live in Baltimore and she has a friend from a previous job that lives in DC. A couple months back my wife would go to DC on a Friday or Saturday night and go out with her friend and come home usually around 1:30 or 2am. That didn't bother me, and I didn't have any questions at that time about her faithfulness. However, about 2 months the trips to DC started happening a bit more frequently (every weekend instead of once a month), and she began spending the night at her friends house because she would be drinking and didn't want to drive home. I encouraged that because the last thing I need is a wife in jail or even worse (I won't mention the possibilities.)
Eventually I started noticing behavioral changes in her. She would be upset with me over little things. For example, we put the dog in a pet hotel when we went out of town for one night and she told me it was $30 a night, and I told her I paid $50, and she got all upset that I forgot that I paid to have the dogs nails clipped, and teeth brushed, and a couple other grooming things. That is not something that a normal person would get upset over I wouldn't think. Also, her trips to DC became 2 night stays a couple of weekends. She is also always buried in her phone texting, which isn't exactly a red flag with her, but it was still drawing my attention to the fact that something didn't seem right.
This past Thursday her and I went to the gym together, which we often do, and when we got home around 10pm she received a phone call. The ring tone on her phone actually announces the person that is calling her, so when it announced a name that I did not recognize, and she answered it quickly and ran upstairs and talking in the back room in hushed tones that was the ultimate straw for me. I felt terrible doing it, but I knew I had to to get answers that she wouldn't provide, but I went into her Facebook to investigate. The first thing I saw was a conversation between her and the friend that she was initially going to DC to visit from work. My wife told her that she was pissed off that some guy (not the same one that called) said he would take her out to dinner, but never actually did it. She said "all men are like that" and that the guy is too "immature" anyway. A weeks later in their conversation the guy that called her pops up. My wife is asking her friend to find out about some girl that is in this guys Facebook profile picture. Also, at one point her friend asked her about who was over "his" house when you went there? I can only assume that "his" is referring to the same person that called my wife the other day. To top it all off, I also see in my wife's Facebook a couple messages to this guy. The first one says "Thanks for friend requesting me. Just so know, my husbands checks my Facebook profile from his profile so don't post anything on my wall or any pictures of just the 2 of us. If it is a picture of us in a group that is fine, just not only us. Thanks." Then was a message from him that said "I'm out of town this weekend, but will be in DC next weekend." She replies that has to do "hubby stuff this weekend." Then the last message was from her to him and all it said was "Hiya, whatcha doin this weekend?"
Upon reading these messages I went upstairs and asked her who was it that called her and she said a friend of mine. He is sick and wants to know what medicine to take. (She is an ex pharmacist). I didn't believe that for a second, but that is irrelevant. I very calmly told her that I have been having issues trusting her lately with her going to DC all the time but she insisted she isn't being unfaithful. After trying to pry the info out of her as gently as possible she got upset and told me she wanted to separate for 2-3 months. I asked her who would move out, she said her. I asked where would she live, she said DC. Well that was not the right answer I wanted to hear. So I told her I looked at her Facebook messages and saw what I saw. She got upset that I did that, but I said that I felt bad about it, but I couldn't go another second without answers and I knew she wouldn't give me any answers, so I took matters into my own hands.
Here is where it gets interesting....
The next day she asks me if it is ok if she goes out to dinner with another girl from work and she will be home by 10pm. I told her that was fine, but I would like to be able to hang out with her the next day. She then TELLS me that she is going to DC and that she can't hang out with me. So, I ask her why she asks if she can hang out with one person but tells me she is hanging out with another. We had agreed the other night that we want to work things out and get our marriage back on track, so I told her that going to DC is not the best way for that to happen. She was upset and was accusing me of controlling her life, but she didn't go and we had an excellent evening together in our city until right before we left the restaurant. Earlier in the evening she posted on Facebook something about her attire, and I commented on her post saying that she looked nice in said attire. When I head to bathroom to freshen up she texts me that I "CANNOT post on her Facebook. We are getting separated and people think I'm lying and I have to explain myself. You are not taking this seriously. I'm so embarrassed." Well, supposedly the only people that know about this whole episode is her girlfriend in DC and my cousin (and my boss because we are friends and I thought it was good for him to know why I am not myself at work). But I question her because she said "people" think she is lying. I think the "people" she is referring to is this guy. Long story short, that night didn't end too well for us. Sunday was a good day. We spent the whole day together without episode. Today (Monday), is a whole new ball game. This morning she is getting ready for work and asks me to zip up her dress for her. This isn't any work friendly type dress either. This is a tight, white, short, show off the figure type dress. I say "Isn't this a little elegant for a work dress." She says that it isn't because she put a cardigan over it. She was supposed to go to DC after work today to look at a potential apartment. Now it is almost 11:30pm and she is just now on her way home. She said she got a drink with another of her friends from down there and didn't like the place. I am having trouble believing that.
Am I reading too much into the situation? Am I blind and not seeing what is clearly right in front of me? I'm scared, confused, hurt, and sad. What should I do with this situation? How do I find out the truth? Any help will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you
My wife and I live in Baltimore and she has a friend from a previous job that lives in DC. A couple months back my wife would go to DC on a Friday or Saturday night and go out with her friend and come home usually around 1:30 or 2am. That didn't bother me, and I didn't have any questions at that time about her faithfulness. However, about 2 months the trips to DC started happening a bit more frequently (every weekend instead of once a month), and she began spending the night at her friends house because she would be drinking and didn't want to drive home. I encouraged that because the last thing I need is a wife in jail or even worse (I won't mention the possibilities.)
Eventually I started noticing behavioral changes in her. She would be upset with me over little things. For example, we put the dog in a pet hotel when we went out of town for one night and she told me it was $30 a night, and I told her I paid $50, and she got all upset that I forgot that I paid to have the dogs nails clipped, and teeth brushed, and a couple other grooming things. That is not something that a normal person would get upset over I wouldn't think. Also, her trips to DC became 2 night stays a couple of weekends. She is also always buried in her phone texting, which isn't exactly a red flag with her, but it was still drawing my attention to the fact that something didn't seem right.
This past Thursday her and I went to the gym together, which we often do, and when we got home around 10pm she received a phone call. The ring tone on her phone actually announces the person that is calling her, so when it announced a name that I did not recognize, and she answered it quickly and ran upstairs and talking in the back room in hushed tones that was the ultimate straw for me. I felt terrible doing it, but I knew I had to to get answers that she wouldn't provide, but I went into her Facebook to investigate. The first thing I saw was a conversation between her and the friend that she was initially going to DC to visit from work. My wife told her that she was pissed off that some guy (not the same one that called) said he would take her out to dinner, but never actually did it. She said "all men are like that" and that the guy is too "immature" anyway. A weeks later in their conversation the guy that called her pops up. My wife is asking her friend to find out about some girl that is in this guys Facebook profile picture. Also, at one point her friend asked her about who was over "his" house when you went there? I can only assume that "his" is referring to the same person that called my wife the other day. To top it all off, I also see in my wife's Facebook a couple messages to this guy. The first one says "Thanks for friend requesting me. Just so know, my husbands checks my Facebook profile from his profile so don't post anything on my wall or any pictures of just the 2 of us. If it is a picture of us in a group that is fine, just not only us. Thanks." Then was a message from him that said "I'm out of town this weekend, but will be in DC next weekend." She replies that has to do "hubby stuff this weekend." Then the last message was from her to him and all it said was "Hiya, whatcha doin this weekend?"
Upon reading these messages I went upstairs and asked her who was it that called her and she said a friend of mine. He is sick and wants to know what medicine to take. (She is an ex pharmacist). I didn't believe that for a second, but that is irrelevant. I very calmly told her that I have been having issues trusting her lately with her going to DC all the time but she insisted she isn't being unfaithful. After trying to pry the info out of her as gently as possible she got upset and told me she wanted to separate for 2-3 months. I asked her who would move out, she said her. I asked where would she live, she said DC. Well that was not the right answer I wanted to hear. So I told her I looked at her Facebook messages and saw what I saw. She got upset that I did that, but I said that I felt bad about it, but I couldn't go another second without answers and I knew she wouldn't give me any answers, so I took matters into my own hands.
Here is where it gets interesting....
The next day she asks me if it is ok if she goes out to dinner with another girl from work and she will be home by 10pm. I told her that was fine, but I would like to be able to hang out with her the next day. She then TELLS me that she is going to DC and that she can't hang out with me. So, I ask her why she asks if she can hang out with one person but tells me she is hanging out with another. We had agreed the other night that we want to work things out and get our marriage back on track, so I told her that going to DC is not the best way for that to happen. She was upset and was accusing me of controlling her life, but she didn't go and we had an excellent evening together in our city until right before we left the restaurant. Earlier in the evening she posted on Facebook something about her attire, and I commented on her post saying that she looked nice in said attire. When I head to bathroom to freshen up she texts me that I "CANNOT post on her Facebook. We are getting separated and people think I'm lying and I have to explain myself. You are not taking this seriously. I'm so embarrassed." Well, supposedly the only people that know about this whole episode is her girlfriend in DC and my cousin (and my boss because we are friends and I thought it was good for him to know why I am not myself at work). But I question her because she said "people" think she is lying. I think the "people" she is referring to is this guy. Long story short, that night didn't end too well for us. Sunday was a good day. We spent the whole day together without episode. Today (Monday), is a whole new ball game. This morning she is getting ready for work and asks me to zip up her dress for her. This isn't any work friendly type dress either. This is a tight, white, short, show off the figure type dress. I say "Isn't this a little elegant for a work dress." She says that it isn't because she put a cardigan over it. She was supposed to go to DC after work today to look at a potential apartment. Now it is almost 11:30pm and she is just now on her way home. She said she got a drink with another of her friends from down there and didn't like the place. I am having trouble believing that.
Am I reading too much into the situation? Am I blind and not seeing what is clearly right in front of me? I'm scared, confused, hurt, and sad. What should I do with this situation? How do I find out the truth? Any help will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you