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Affairs are Romantic.

14K views 83 replies 40 participants last post by  larry.gray 
#1 ·
Aren't they?
 
#4 ·
I wonder if my stbx thought that when she was having sex in the walk in beer cooler with Mr. Perfect. Just like being on a sandy beach with a perfect sunset.

Hollywood has done a good job of portraying affairs as romantic and at the end everyone is "happy"
 
#9 ·
You guys are bored tonight, aren't you? :rolleyes: What, no 4th of July weekend plans?

It's not the guy in the puffy shirt, it's not the guy in the leather jacket, and don't tell any of the musicians around here, but it's not the lead singer, the drummer, or the bass player, either. It's not even really about the adrenaline rush.
 
#10 ·
Here is a true story of how an affair started.

A wife was sick of her husband being a typical squaddie. He was a sergeant in the British army and treated his wife like the soldiers under him.

She was becoming more and more unhappy.

One day she was on a company outing and she had left her jacket in the office. The weather turned very cold and she was shivering.

A male colleague took his jacket off and gave it to her to keep her warm.

"My husband wouldn't have done that for me" she thinks. And then thinks "Oh!"

The affair was with the young man who gave her his jacket. They are still together 10 years on.

Was that romantic? Maybe a little.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#13 ·
On a side note ha ha ha ha Bandit you got smacked down by a guy on another thread that did not understand your humor ha ha ha ha. But I digress.
 
#17 ·
I think it's the ego kibble. They feel like they deserve to be treated like rock stars, they aren't getting that kind of appreciation at home, and here's someone falling all over them like they're gods. They don't see the reality of the situation - that she just wants their money and/or is desperate to not be alone, or that he is just horny and looking to score regularly with someone grateful for his attention.

Really, it's a fantasy. It's all the benefits of an emotional connection without any of the day to day reality of actually maintaining a relationship.

I know some people marry their APs and live happily ever after. 3% of the time.
 
#23 ·
It's not always about being romantic.


I once took the wife on a sleigh ride in the Austrian Alps on Christmas Eve during a snow storm because she missed having a white Christmas. I did a lot of other things just like that along with some really simple things. No, the OM had nothing on me on being "romantic"! No his idea of "romance" was oral sex in his car in a parking lot across the street from their work. During their affair I probably spent $800 on flowers and cards, and not just on special occasions, he on the other hand texted her Merry Christmas and left a "sticky note" on her windshield on her Birthday.

No it's not always about being romantic. It's about what's missing in their selfish minds at the time. Sometimes it's romance and sometimes it's something else entirely different. My WW was suffering from esteem issues and a midlife crises and having a much younger man pursuing her sexually filled that need in her, at least for a while. Eventually though this solution falls apart, and when it did she found herself worse off esteem and self worth wise then before.
 
#24 · (Edited)
Harry: I think that it's pretty evident that from your W's sordid experience, it so aptly illustrates that "one truly reaps what they sow!"

Well anyway, at least that slim minority of cheaters that may possess some semblance of an internal conscience!
 
#25 ·
I'm with Harry. My STBX wasn't looking for romance when he started his affair. He was looking for someone who'd continuously feed him ego kibble. "Oh! You're an airline pilot! How exciting and glamorous! What a hero you are! Let me throw my pathetic self at you in constant worship of your magnificence!" He met her at a funeral, for Chrissakes. He tells people he met her at a high school reunion - because the truth is not remotely romantic. Or normal.
 
#27 ·
I'm with Harry. My STBX wasn't looking for romance when he started his affair. He was looking for someone who'd continuously feed him ego kibble. "Oh! You're an airline pilot! How exciting and glamorous! What a hero you are! Let me throw my pathetic self at you in constant worship of your magnificence!" He met her at a funeral, for Chrissakes. He tells people he met her at a high school reunion - because the truth is not remotely romantic. Or normal.
You should tell people they met at their family reunion.:grin2:>:)
 
#28 ·
Why would any one want romance out of an affair? It's been my experience that the emotional side could just be a band aid and screwing the AP is just the currency to keep the band aid on.
As far as sex goes it's erotic lust that usually is rushed.

If you think about it, why romance the WW when she is willing to phuck a guy behind her unattentive ( or any other bull shyt excuse to cheat) husband's back......in short it's easy picking for the POS that bangs married chicks.....forget about the flowers, pay for the booze and have at it in the parking lot.

Now if one is a real man one would stick to single chicks and to the real work...like romance...to get in her pants.
 
#42 ·
In my particular situation, both my WH and the OW think it's romantic and that they're in love. What they feel is "real". He brings her flowers from my yard, makes her the same dinners he used to make me, it's romantic, right? They're both crazy selfish people, but they're so fixated on how they are not like each other's BS's that it must be romantic they they started screwing around while married. It's obviously romantic to have lengthy text conversations with her while lying in bed next to your wife. It's delusional.

I suppose An affair can be romantic if that's the kind of relationship it is, but when it's solely about getting what you want in the moment with no thought to the world around you, it's just selfish. Especially when the affair is based significantly on lies. So many lies, to the BS, to the OW, to the children, to friends, everyone. It's really just sad and pathetic.
 
#30 ·
They think it's the height of romance, in my opinion. It's a fantasy rush of ego-feeding desire and flattery. It fades the noise of normal life to the background and makes the partners feel like very special, chosen people again. They say they are 'soulmates,' which seems to mean that they have a unique, special bond that excludes the rest of the mundane world. It's so special that the sordidness of it all just simply doesn't register. Ego, desire, 'I AM SPECIAL,' (S)HE PICKED ME!'

They definitely think it's romantic, in my opinion. No matter how silly it can look to the rest of us, their love is real to them:

https://soulmateshmoopies.wordpress.com/2010/11/06/part-1/
 
#31 ·
I think you summed it up perfectly.


What's sad is that the betrayed spouse often wished that he/she got to do the same romantic things with the WS that the AP got to enjoy, but because they are the "spouse"...the "ball and chain"...they represent the mundane, boring, drudgery aspects of life. So they are automatically disqualified. And if they try to do those things with the wayward spouse during R, the WS balks because doing those things is a "trigger" and they don't want to be reminded of the stuff they used to do with th AP. so the poor BS is double-fvcked...

Funny the way that disconnect works....
 
#32 · (Edited)
Affairs are romantic. To be blatantly sexist about it, I think in most cases for guys infidelity is a little desert on the side. For women it is fantasy and escape. And romantic. It stirs all that teenage excitement. And the guy on the other side of that will play along for a little desert on the side. As time goes by I care less and less about infidelity and the selfishness from which it is born. Bandit, you're a free man. What in this topic keeps your attention?

Edit: Well, of course, dessert instead of desert. It the oasis that draws. Anyone remember midnight at the oasis?
 
#36 ·
I'll come at it from a completely different angle. Affairs are a sign of desperation. It put me over the edge to realize just how lonely and disconnected my marriage had become. I asked to separate the next week. It was over.
It wasn't romantic, it was never "oh isn't this fun because we're getting away with something", it offered an escape in the moment (selfish, yes) but mainly it was sad and lonely. And desperate. But it gave me the resolve, finally, to leave a bad situation. We're both better off.
 
#38 ·
Sure. Romantic.

A trip down the Amazon, an excursion into deepest Africa, a treehouse in the rainforest, rebuilding the inner city, living off the land, running for political office, blah et belch.

Its all a stupid, poorly thought out idea for almost anyone, anywhere. Ignorant fools with weak reasoning fall for that crap.
 
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