My husband of 5 years has cheated on me before, it destroyed everything we had and after many painful months I agreed to try again mainly because of our 3 children.
Things got much better, but then he announced he was unhappy about 6 months ago. No reason given, but since then my life is unbearable.
Tonight I did an awful thing. I looked on his phone, which I know is terrible, and now Im being eaten up with fear. He has a text message from a sender which leaves no number, reading: CS result = negative. I am right or wrong in assuming this is an std result text? His previous affair was 4 years ago so this will mean he is at it again, I know I have brought this on myself by reading his messages but its done, and now I feel sick with the thought of being hurt and made a fool of again :-(
Besides checking his phone ,what have the two of you done in the past 6 months since he "announced he was unhappy"?
Looking at his phone didn't bring this on, and you didn't bring this on yourself; his prior cheating + telling you he is unhappy did.
But I don't know what a CS test can be. The only way you are going to know is to get it out in the open and ask him. More importantly, you need a plan for what you will do if he says he got an STD test and tells you why he needed one... so prepare! I'd be surprised if you're not going to need that plan.
THank for you reply, its a question I am dreading asking because I know if its something he doesnt want me to know he will turn it into the 'you shouldnt go through my phone' argument. I have tried to Google the message and it brings up chlamydia screening. I think I need to move on for my own mental state as this is not healthy for me or the kids, my confidence is ruined and I dont see a way of us fixing.
Try looking the number up in google or something. Also there's this App for the iPhone called iPrivus and you can use that to look up numbers as well, that is if you have an iPhone, I don't know if its for any other smart phone.
make 2 plans:
- one if the answer is something harmless... what will you do, since it's clearly evident you do not trust him and you are having real marital issues with a previous cheater? I suggest MC at least.
- one for if it's devastating news to you. Will you leave? How/when? Other options? MC? IC?
Id say keep digging before you come to any conclusion or set off alarm bells which could force a cheating hubby underground.
I cant figure out what CS is, there are so many possibilties. CS = ChemScreen? (a detailed blood screen) Guessing seems like it could be a waste of mental energy just too many possibilties for an active imagination, (which anyone who has lived with or is living with infidelity has). Trust your gut and keeping digging.
Why would he object to you checking his phone? Prior to my A, when I had nothing to hide from my wife, I couldn't have cared less if she checked my phone. Now post my A, she has every right in the world to check my phone and I wouldn't dare even bat an eye about it. I gave that to her when I cheated on her. The only time I ever cared if she checked on me WAS WHEN I WAS IN AN AFFAIR. Personally if I were a BS I wouldn't give two tinker's damns if my CS got their underwear in a wad if I checked up on them. Hell, I was the cheater and I pick up my wife's phone every once in a while.
The flip side is, if you ask with only this, and the answer is the one you don't want you could well just push him further underground.
I would think it stands for chem screen too. The main thing is that you should be able to look at his phone and check his texts. If this is something he feels is off limits, even though he had an affair, I'd say it's a red flag. You should be able to ask him about it without feeling guilty or that he'll be upset.