What are the clear indicators that someone is cheating?
I've been reading some posts around here and I just don't get why you would stay with your partner (spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc) if you want to be intimate with someone else.
Why do these people stay in the relationship? Why don't they just leave?
The very first indicator is usually a gut feeling that something is wrong. That feeling is usually right.
The WS struggles with a confusing set of emotions. They usually don't know what they want for awhile. Discovery forces them to face reality and make a choice.
The BS usually stays because there are children involved. Sometimes its because the WS is immediately remorseful upon discovery. People post here because they want to try and find a solution. Most other people do leave.
Why do these people stay in the relationship? Why don't they just leave?
In my wife's case, the kids. Her affair took a typical growth pattern. Just friends, more than friends, full on EA, not PA yet only due to him being half across the country. I believe it was several months before the EA. Actually, I have the transcript from where he finally told her he had feelings for her. They had been playing games online for about 7 months at that point on a daily basis.
Anyway, my point is that it grew slowly. By the point she was hooked on him, it was pretty much too late. She hasn't left yet because of the kids. I haven't left yet because of the kids. We will be separating soon, I believe.
I bet kids have a lot to do with "Why don't they just leave?" in a lot of situations.
Cypress, I have what I think is a gut feeling but I'm very insecure and jealous that I'm afraid that I am reading into things.
If my husband is having a PA, then I don't know when he is doing it as there has been no change in his daily schedule. He doesn't really go anywhere without me or one of the kids.
What are the clear indicators that someone is cheating?
I've been reading some posts around here and I just don't get why you would stay with your partner (spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc) if you want to be intimate with someone else.
Why do these people stay in the relationship? Why don't they just leave?
for the WS ? why dont they just leave?
Partially its the same reason they cheated: Weakness.
They are scared and uncertain.
In some cases, it's just to easy for them not to leave.
Who doesnt want a cake eating buffet if the LS is serving it up?
I'm assuming your husband is working out of the home. It could be a workplace affair, or he could be simply struggling with depression. You will need to do some snooping to find out what is really going on. Put a Voice Activated Recorder (VAR) in his car. They are inexpensive and can be found at most big box stores. Affairees usually use their car to make calls or meet. Keep a log of his times and trips, check to odometer sometimes too.
What are the clear indicators that someone is cheating?
I don't know what men do but I have been through two cheating W's. I would assume some of the things will be the same.
Change or interest in phsyical appearance, i.e. new hair style, working out more, different perfume/cologne
Purchase of new underwear (this one was unusual but happened both times).
Secretive actions - always having cell phone within reach, closing e-mails when you walk by, unexplained abscences, always laying cell phone face down.
Extreme defensiveness when confronted
Change in sex life, expecially if you have been married awhile
Sudden change in and attention to new friends
Mentioning the OM's (or OW's) name in casual conversation
INSTINCT AND GUT FEELING, especially if you have been together for awhile.
Strange business cards (another strange one but happened twice)
I know that none of these or even all of them are definitive but I have gone through this twice and speak from experience. Google the topic and you should see some matches. I truly hope you are wrong as a cheating spouse is heart breaking. Good luck and my heart goes out to you.
Why do these people stay in the relationship? Why don't they just leave?
Also wanted to note that no one will pass up a big 'ol serving of having your cake and eating it too. Found that my STBXW has planning a trip to Cozumel with the OM but needed to stick around for the $$ for a plane ticket.
In my wife's case, the kids. Her affair took a typical growth pattern. Just friends, more than friends, full on EA, not PA yet only due to him being half across the country. I believe it was several months before the EA. Actually, I have the transcript from where he finally told her he had feelings for her. They had been playing games online for about 7 months at that point on a daily basis.
Anyway, my point is that it grew slowly. By the point she was hooked on him, it was pretty much too late. She hasn't left yet because of the kids. I haven't left yet because of the kids. We will be separating soon, I believe.
I bet kids have a lot to do with "Why don't they just leave?" in a lot of situations.
I agree. When an online EA starts between strangers, it can take a little while to develop. On the other hand, when it's an old flame (old high school/college boyfriend/girlfriend), it can happen VERY quickly, usually in just a few days. All the old feelings come rushing back and all of a sudden they are reminicing about their younger years and that young infatuation hits them like a truck.
Then all of a sudden they can throw years and years of marriage and kids behind them and all they can think of is the OP and what they shared long ago. The fog definitely comes quick and thick then.
They can either withdraw from you emotionally and sexually, or they can do the opposite and suddenly be more sexual and daring in the bedroom. OR they can fluctuate between both.
They can also start to have fights for you for absolutely trivial matters, matters that didn't bother them before. This is all part of the process where they start to demonize you so they can justify their affair actions to themselves and their AP. On the other hand, they can suddenly become the sweetest husband/wife imaginable because of their guilt. Like the emotional/sexual withdrawal, they can fluctuate between both. I know my WW did. For one week, she would be the sweetest, most caring woman, and I would thank my lucky stars that I married this woman. Then she would change and start screaming at me literally the moment she walked in the door after coming home from work. Holy Jeckyl and Hide.
Also watch for a change in sleep habits. My WW all of a sudden started sleeping in on Saturdays and Sundays when she was off, and we stopped going to church. I only found out later it was because she was up chatting and talking all night with her OM while I was asleep. She also started going to bed early, whereas before she would stay up late watching tv. This was because she had to get up early to call her OM while I was asleep.
These are all indicators that he might be cheating. In any case the relationship is in trouble. You can snoop, and check it out. But that also could be a violation of trust. It is a hard desicion to make.
You stop communicating. Suddenly your partner is not interested anymore in having conversations and he doesn't care what is on your mind.
Your partner frequently starts arguments with you.
You find that your partner has suddenly updated their wardrobe (especially their underwear)
He/she accuses you of cheating.
If your partner is cheating with someone you both know, he might criticize that person frequently to divert suspicion.
Your partner uses new terms or starts listening to different music.
Over all he might suddenly become interested in things that never interested him before.
He/she is not as affectionate anymore and doesn't complement you are tells you they love you.
On the flip side they may shower you with gifts and become especially attentive out of guild.
Your partner distances themselves from you and insists on more privacy in regards to finances, phone conversations the internet and personal habits.
Your partner will tell you that no matter what happens, they will always love you as a friend and their main goal is for you to find happiness.
Signs of cheating 
