My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-10-2015, 11:35 AM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

This can save your marriage.

Reconciliation with a Hardened Wife


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #17 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-10-2015, 11:37 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Sorry is there a place where I can learn all this shorthand? The "D", the "WW"?
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post #18 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-10-2015, 11:38 AM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Your wife will respect you if you stand up for your marriage.

Tell her you know you have been an '*ss' but that doesn't excuse her cheating. Tell her that unless she agrees to end the affair and go to counseling with you, you will be filing for divorce.

I am thinking she will tell you she is done with you.

Then you need to act. File for divorce. Do the 180.

If you beg and wine and plead she will lose respect and attraction for you. You need to be strong and show her that you won't tolerate her cheating.

It is very important that you tell everyone what is going on. Tell his wife if he is married. Tell her parents. Get this affair out in the open. Affairs typically lose a bunch of the excitement once it is out in the open. If this guy is married, then he might very well choose his family over your wife. He might have been using your wife and never planned on giving up his marriage for her.
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post #19 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-10-2015, 12:15 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Originally Posted by gridcom View Post
Sorry is there a place where I can learn all this shorthand? The "D", the "WW"?
Divorce and Wayward Wife

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #20 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-10-2015, 12:17 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Originally Posted by jld View Post
This can save your marriage.

Reconciliation with a Hardened Wife
I would also like to share a link...

timing is everything

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #21 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-10-2015, 12:19 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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I would also like to share a link...

timing is everything
How is that related to mine?

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #22 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-10-2015, 12:34 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Originally Posted by gridcom View Post
Sorry is there a place where I can learn all this shorthand? The "D", the "WW"?
D=divorce/divorce papers
WW=wandering/wayward wife

You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #23 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-10-2015, 02:57 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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How is that related to mine?
It's not.

And that's the point.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #24 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-10-2015, 03:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Thank you guys for all of these comments. I am going to continue to post here. The JLD post of Reconciliation with a hardened wife (link above) was the absolute best thing I've read and I'm not even a believer in a specific God. I found comfort in that article and JLD I thank you for posting it. We are actually going to see a Marriage Councilor tonight and honestly while it's 10 years overdue, at the same time it's not too late. Despite all of the instruction to act hard and fast with a lawyer, I am going to chose to generate love between myself and my wife. Roll your eyes, go ahead. Maybe your right. I love my wife.
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post #25 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-10-2015, 03:58 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Most of the people on this board say to anyone who's spouse has an affair to a 180 and divorce so don't be too surprised at the responses. I think your marriage can be saved especially since you admit you haven't been a good husband and want to change to keep your family together.

It won't work unless she wants it to work and the first step is for her to stop seeing this man. If she won't then your marriage can't be saved and don't just go by her saying she isn't seeing him anymore. She needs to find another job so they are not in contact with each other anymore. Good luck I hope she does give you another chance and comes back to you.

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post #26 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-10-2015, 04:13 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Not wanting to add to your woes with more bad news but you need to find out who the OM (other man) is.

You have two young children who, if your wife continues on this path, will be living with this man at least part time.

You need to find out if he has any history of criminal activity, DUI's, etc in his background.

Yep, it sucks.
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post #27 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-11-2015, 05:59 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Good luck niceing her back. Please check in once in a while and let us know how that goes.

Last edited by bandit.45; 07-11-2015 at 06:36 PM.
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post #28 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-11-2015, 06:41 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

If not going for divorce, then the resource from jld is quite useful but you can't let her off the hook for fvcking another man and putting her crotch above the well being of her marriage and children.

You are not responsible for her disgusting behavior.

You are responsible for your part in the poor state of your marriage.

She has to switch jobs immediately.

If she doesn't go no contact right away, you are wasting your efforts because the other man will keep fvcking your wife like a cheap piece.

If reconciliation isn't going to work, take advantage of her stupidity and get a favorable divorce like bandit said.

If she doesn't fully face the ugly woman she has become here you two won't be able to face and work through your marital issues.

Her infidelity needs dealt with as her own issue. You didn't make her stop caring about the welfare of her children over pleasuring herself with another penis.

If she won't stop immediately, quit her job and deal with her infidelity as her vile choice, then you are whistling in the wind if you think your marriage has a chance.

It takes two and when one of you is fvcking an idiot, you, needless to say, have no hope of repairing your marriage.
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post #29 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-11-2015, 06:46 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

P.S. Might want to check if she is pregnant, affair sex is often unprotected because people who cheat are usually being pretty damned stupid. Get her to have a full STD test as well as you. Morons that bang married women aren't exactly upstanding citizens and who knows where he has been sticking his penis besides your wife.
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post #30 of 5069 (permalink) Old 07-11-2015, 07:23 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Jld's approach is really solid, once she's out of the affair. MC is worthless when someone is in an active affair. . You can't compete with the high of a new, illicit relationship. You are basically dealing with an addict, and begging, reasoning, will only work against you.

You don't want to file D, but you need to fight for the marriage. Something between the nuclear option and degrading yourself is called for.

Suggested actions:

1. Investigate. Check out @weightlifters standard evidence thread. Find out who the OM is.
2. Apologize once for your contributions to the marital problems. Do not let her blame you in any way for her decision to destroy the M and family.
3. Expose to family and close friends. Not in a vindictive way, but asking for help and support. She will be furious and tell you that there is no chance for R now. This is important, it will kill the fun of the new relationship.
4. Expose to the POSOM's wife if he's married. If he's not, expose to his family.
5. Look into the 180 and live it. It will help you keep your sanity.
6. Lift weights. A lot.
7. See a lawyer to understand your rights.
8. Get a VAR (voice activated recorder). She may try to accuse you of domestic violence and have you removed. Our society will take her word over yours. She'll be a victim, you'll be a monster. Even if it's illegal in your state, better to have that evidence and protect yourself.
9. Don't tell her any of this before you do it.
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