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post #5056 of 5069 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 12:54 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

States are already so involved, it would not be difficult for each state to produce a worksheeet with all acceptable "types" of child expenses.
Then, the parent receiving CS has to fill in the worksheet (maybe online for ease of submission?) and can choose whether to break down the expenses into itemized categories or just put down a lump of what was spent per month/quarter.

Just an idea.


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post #5057 of 5069 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 01:02 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Originally Posted by gridcom View Post
Good time to mention that I did get it in my agreement that if I should make more than $400,000 in any year, that the Child Support north of 400k would go into a fund for the kids that they can share when the youngest turns 21. So, the max CS my ex can have is 100k per year. Which, lets be honest, is still INCREDIBLE


Yes it is incredible. Your combined tax rate would approach 50%, so your net pay would be around $200,000. Great pay, but she would get half. Tax free.

I hope you deduct every work related expenss you can from your gross income.
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post #5058 of 5069 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 01:05 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Originally Posted by bandit.45 View Post
Can you just wait on divorce until the younger daughter turns 18? I dont see how your life would change that much if you divorced today. Just stay legally separated, keep dating and let your slag wife show everyone what a p.o.s. she is.

Or stay married and move out of N.Y. to a state that has much more equitable divorce laws? Let your wife divorce you in that state if she has to. Make her do the work. You fly the girls to visit you in the summers and holidays.
Waiting until the daughter turns 18 won't prevent a child support obligation because it's 21 for emancipation in NY as he clearly stated in his post that you quoted.

If wife stays in NY then NY is the home state and NY retains jurisdiction on divorce related matters, even if wife eventually moves out of NY State.

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NY State is 25%
That's for 2 kids.

It's 17% for 1 kid.
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post #5059 of 5069 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 11:42 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Website GOOGLE reference: des.az.gov/sites/default/files/2015CSGuidelinesRED.p...


Looking at the Arizona guidelines for child support I came up with the following calculations for child support

1 adjusted gross monthly income of the parents (Both husband and wife)
Husband = $6000 Wife = 4,000 = $10,000

If husband or wife pays child support to another family then the amount paid to the other family is deducted from gross income example Husband pays $500 to other family = $6,000-$500 = $5,500



8. DETERMINING THE BASIC CHILD SUPPORT OBLIGATION

EXAMPLE: Combined Adjusted Gross Income is $10,000. The father's Adjusted Gross Income is $6000. Divide the father's Adjusted Gross Income by the Combined Adjusted Income. The result is the father's share of the Combined Adjusted Gross Income. ($6000
divided by $10,000 = 60%) The father's share is 60%; the mother's share is 40%.




13. ADJUSTMENTS FOR OTHER COSTS

EXAMPLE: A noncustodial parent pays for medical insurance through his or her employer. Because the cost has already been paid to a third party (the insurance company), the cost must be deducted from the noncustodial parent's child supportobligation because this portion of the child support obligation has already been paid.

There is also an adjustment when the noncustodial parent has the child (Children) for many days in the year.


Schedule of Basic Support Obligations
For a Combined (father + Mother) adjusted gross income of $10,000 per month the basic support is Two children =$1,683
Without any deductions the father would pay 60% of $1,683 = $1,010 per month child support for two children.

Would be less with deductions as described above in section 13.

I believe that is a lot different than gridcom and the NY state percentage at 25%!!!
NY state sucks on child support!

That is my understanding after reading the Arizona guidelines for child support. I may be missing something but that seems to be right as I have seen some child support orders in Arizona that match up pretty good to the above. This is just a guess and I am not an attorney.

I am open to corrections or more examples if anyone has any.

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post #5060 of 5069 (permalink) Old 04-01-2017, 11:57 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Originally Posted by 225985 View Post
How do you decide what is for the children? Mortgage, car note, food, heat, gas, cable, internet etc can all be considered for the benefit of the children, in addition to their clothes and education expenses.

My brother divorced his cheating wife a decade ago. They lived not to far from Grid. Same state. She made his life miserable and extracted every penny and more from him.

She bought a small plantation in Puerto Rico. Never made much money working. Guess who paid for that.

His youngest recently turned 21. The money never went to them.

But my niece and nephew know who was the real parent. They think their mom is crazy. She wanted to live the single wild life. Still does. It's pathetic.

BTW when she showed up at my father's funeral visitation a few months ago, I had to throw her out.
I don't know if you are familiar with legal guardianship, but in my state, if a person becomes a court appointment legal guardian over someone, they receive money from the state. And then the state requires a monthly printed budget of what the money was spent for (clothes, food, etc).

That is something that I think should be used for CS. That way there is no question that the money is being spent on the children. If the state has the right to know if its money is being spent right by a legal guardian, then it is only right that the spouse paying CS has the right to know how the CS is being spent. It is for the children after all.

But we all know life isn't fair or right, and we know who mainly gets screwed over in the family courts.


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post #5061 of 5069 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 07:24 AM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Originally Posted by lordmayhem View Post
I don't know if you are familiar with legal guardianship, but in my state, if a person becomes a court appointment legal guardian over someone, they receive money from the state. And then the state requires a monthly printed budget of what the money was spent for (clothes, food, etc).

That is something that I think should be used for CS. That way there is no question that the money is being spent on the children. If the state has the right to know if its money is being spent right by a legal guardian, then it is only right that the spouse paying CS has the right to know how the CS is being spent. It is for the children after all.

But we all know life isn't fair or right, and we know who mainly gets screwed over in the family courts.
Of course the state would want a print-out... it's THEIR money and THEIR reputation. In family court,

it ain't their money so they don't GAF. Deal is... these laws were put in place many decades ago.

When it was a time when the woman, maybe not even a HS graduate, has babies and stays at

home (see B/W sitcoms). Staying home, raising 3-4 kids, tending house, cooking, small garden,

running the kids.... sorry but that's NOT an easy job. I doubt I could ever do it. My mom was a SAHM

and never went to work FT until after I started junior high. Yeah I was an only child but

I was enough of a he!! raiser to match any three normal kids.
When the H gets frisky with

the much younger secretary and runs off with her, there is the W left to raise a family with zero

job skills. You bet your a$$ I hope she gets as much CS as she can, she will need it. But things aren't

that way anymore. Not by a long shot. Society changes, change the damn laws.

We shouldn't get mad at the ones accepting all the CS, we should get mad at the lawmakers

who are NOT doing a thing about changing the laws. Until it inflicts them, they don't give a damn.

Just like with AIDS 35 years ago... nobody cared until high profile people came down with

it and heterosexuals did as well.
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post #5062 of 5069 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 08:53 AM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Originally Posted by Mr Blunt View Post
Everyone knows that the child support is for the children and I did not suggest that the children get penalized. My point is that all the CS should be spent on the children and the x-spouse should get NONE of it! That is why I said:




Satya’s post below is a very good idea
You can't separate housing/food/clothing for the kids from payments to custodial parent. The custodial (mother or father cause it goes both ways), gets a percentage of the obligor's income and that's the way it goes. Otherwise the non-custodial parent is obsessively involved in a non-spouses household and they do not have that right after a divorce. That is why it was set up that way. If there is a suspicion of abuse, there currently exist mechanisms for properly alleging abuse and bringing that before the court. Overly controlling ex-spouses are more of a problem that you realize.

Former spouses don't want to see the ex move into a bigger house, when they get a raise. Too bad. It is for the kids and the custodial parent will live there, too.
Some states an income model that considers the income of both parents and calculates child support as a percentage of both incomes. Some just consider a percentage of the obligor's income. Most states mandate a review of statutory guidelines every few years and they do make changes, so the argument that the guidelines are archaic is incorrect.

In youth it was a way I had, to do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, and do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you! --Dorothy Parker
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post #5063 of 5069 (permalink) Old 04-02-2017, 10:53 AM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Originally Posted by Pluto2 View Post
You can't separate housing/food/clothing for the kids from payments to custodial parent. The custodial (mother or father cause it goes both ways), gets a percentage of the obligor's income and that's the way it goes. Otherwise the non-custodial parent is obsessively involved in a non-spouses household and they do not have that right after a divorce. That is why it was set up that way. If there is a suspicion of abuse, there currently exist mechanisms for properly alleging abuse and bringing that before the court. Overly controlling ex-spouses are more of a problem that you realize.

Former spouses don't want to see the ex move into a bigger house, when they get a raise. Too bad. It is for the kids and the custodial parent will live there, too.
Some states an income model that considers the income of both parents and calculates child support as a percentage of both incomes. Some just consider a percentage of the obligor's income. Most states mandate a review of statutory guidelines every few years and they do make changes, so the argument that the guidelines are archaic is incorrect.
And men that think this way are the reason divorced dads are getting screwed all over the country. Why are we screwed so badly in court? Because we do it to ourselves. There's always someone in authority that makes excuses for obvious injustice.
If grid makes 400k a year, his ex would get 100k and he'd be lucky to keep 100k himself. It doesn't take 100k to take care of 2 kids.
My best friend was paying 11k a month in child support to an adulterous leech who had the potential to earn at least 250k a year. She bought her AP a new pickup with the first check he sent.

Anyone that sees justice in these laws and doesn't find them archaic, I strongly disagree with.

Oh, my buddy has full custody now since she let her AP, now husband, hold her child while she punched her, then slapped her little sister so hard it left a hand print she couldn't hide from the cops because the youngest tried to come to the aid of her big sister. The evil that woman did to those children was astounding. She doesn't even call them now, ever.
And thankfully, she is unable to drain my friend anymore. He's a self- made man, btw. He worked unloading delivery trucks during the summers to pay for his education. He and I even worked together one summer. It just hurts me to think that evil woman was able to use the law to take advantage of my friends hard work, especially after cheating on him with her first employer she ever had.
So yeah, I'm triggering, lol

Last edited by Evinrude58; 04-02-2017 at 11:00 AM.
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post #5064 of 5069 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 07:19 AM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

my apologies @evenrude58. Never meant to cause a trigger.
and sorry grid for the thread jack. I'll stop

In youth it was a way I had, to do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, and do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you! --Dorothy Parker
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post #5065 of 5069 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 09:20 AM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Originally Posted by Pluto2 View Post
my apologies @evenrude58. Never meant to cause a trigger.
and sorry grid for the thread jack. I'll stop
Just a childish outburst, LOL. I'm lucky in that I divorced fast enough that my ex still felt guilty for doing what she did and I got a fair divorce. And my ex made the same amount as I do, and I got 50/50 custody.

But I can think of numerous examples that are like Grid's.
I don't believe a person should be able to divorce a spouse and live off their spouse's work. One shouldn't be able to cheat/ditch a person and still have them support you if you're perfectly capable of earning a living. Exceptions of course.

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post #5066 of 5069 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 12:36 AM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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You can't separate housing/food/clothing for the kids from payments to custodial parent. The custodial (mother or father cause it goes both ways), gets a percentage of the obligor's income and that's the way it goes. Otherwise the non-custodial parent is obsessively involved in a non-spouses household and they do not have that right after a divorce. That is why it was set up that way.
.
That's a BS rationale. Because on the flip side, the custodial parent is DEEPLY involved in the noncustodial parent's household as they dig deep to find more money to demand a child support percentage, sometimes even trying to impute the income from the noncustodial parent's new spouse (even though they are not supposed to be able to do so, there have been judges complicit in such maneuvers)*.

So why is it OK for the custodial parent to comb through the NC ex-spouse to see what money is available, but NOT ok for the reverse to happen to be sure of where it goes? Pure hypocrisy.

Your argument doesn't stand up, and in fact, I've seen it before. It's straight out of the CS apologists' playbook.

()()()()()()

* here's something for you and your little "not entitled to be involved in a non-spouse household" theory to chew on:

Impacts of Remarriage on Child and Spousal Support | Attorneys.com

Let me quote one damning section from that link:

"In Illinois, courts may now consider income of a parent's new spouse on an equitable basis when determining child support. In Illinois and similarly-minded states, courts are no longer required to ignore financial resources contributed by a new spouse. "

How does that mesh with your theory? In this link, they are not only allowed to get involved with the ex-spouse's finances, but ALSO with the ex-spouse's future mate! How's that for invasiveness? And you think I should accept your little fig-leaf "shouldn't get obsessively involved in the ex-spouse's household" excuse as to why the recipient parent shouldn't be held accountable for the received child support? Hogwash!!

Last edited by Wolfman1968; 04-06-2017 at 12:52 AM.
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post #5067 of 5069 (permalink) Old 04-06-2017, 05:50 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

.....edited.....

I had a really bad joke, but thought better of it.
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post #5068 of 5069 (permalink) Old 05-25-2017, 02:55 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Grid............ what's wrong with those Mets??? Oh... hows yousa doin?
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post #5069 of 5069 (permalink) Old 05-26-2017, 08:53 AM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

why were they not charged for child abuse.
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