My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker - Page 6 - Talk About Marriage
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post #76 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-12-2015, 08:50 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Originally Posted by thundarr View Post
i missed this. She may have had reason to separate or leave you. She did not have reason to cheat.
yes! This!!!

Stop excusing the infidelity!!!

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post #77 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-12-2015, 08:52 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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You all have been my friends tonight. My kids are asleep and my wife is at work. All I want to do is the best I can, and being an admitted OCD person, my inclinations are to talk it out until it's figured out. I feel like I am sitting at a roundtable with a roomful of faceless people with a wide spectrum of advice and it's healing to me, no matter if I agree or dont agree or simply dont want to agree.

Thanks for being my buddies tonight
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You mean your kids are asleep while your wife is with her paramour/boyfriend! Sheesh!

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #78 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-12-2015, 08:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Here is the other issue too. My wife REALLY loves her job. I'd go as far as to say it's the most fulfilling job she has ever had. I cannot see her leaving that job under any cirumstances, even to the point that we fell back in love and it made all the sense in the world. I can see her being at her current job for 25 more years easy. Another huge mess.
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post #79 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-12-2015, 08:55 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Here is the other issue too. My wife REALLY loves her job. I'd go as far as to say it's the most fulfilling job she has ever had. I cannot see her leaving that job under any cirumstances, even to the point that we fell back in love and it made all the sense in the world. I can see her being at her current job for 25 more years easy. Another huge mess.
Which does she love more?:

A. You
B. Her job
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post #80 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-12-2015, 08:57 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Which does she love more?:

A. You
B. Her job
I'd append item A thusly...

A. You, your home, your marriage, your family, and your children's security

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #81 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-12-2015, 09:08 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

What's she gonna do when you divorce her and she has to have someone else watch her kids while she's on shift work, and PAY to have them watched? Now that she no longer has your income to support the family aside from some child support?

She's not thinking logically. You need to help her SEE what life with numnutz will be like. And the longer you kiss her ass and beg her to forgive you and offer to do anything and everything she wants, SHE HAS NO REASON TO SEE what that life will be like.

She needs to HEAR from you that you will not sit by and let her 'have a friendship' with her 'former' lover, not and stay married to you. She needs to hear that you will let her go and try out her fantasy with him, but you won't stick around and wait for it to fall apart. Nor will you PAY HER to go do it.
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post #82 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-12-2015, 09:09 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
Exactly.

The way your acting makes you appear like this to your wife. Something to wipe dog crap on when she comes home after being pumped full of the other man.

You are toilet paper to her. Useful, for one thing.

I am not excusing your poor marriage performance but that really has nothing to do with her fvcking another man right in your face.

How the hell does this work? She goes out to get fvcked while you babysit for her?

Have you even broached the subject of protection?

Whatever dude. You are right about one thing. Someone with over 4000 posts on this site might actually know a lot more than you.

You are taking the wrong damn approach. You need to wake her up before you can work on your marriage.

Ignore this at your own peril. Right now you are a willing cuckold and your wife has more respect for herpes than you.
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post #83 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-12-2015, 09:13 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Here is the other issue too. My wife REALLY loves her job. I'd go as far as to say it's the most fulfilling job she has ever had. I cannot see her leaving that job under any cirumstances, even to the point that we fell back in love and it made all the sense in the world. I can see her being at her current job for 25 more years easy. Another huge mess.
Yes it's a mess but she'll have to choose or you'll have to accept being a low priority. I think you said something to the affect of fixing yourself because if it's too late to fix the marriage then at least there's a silver lining. Hold on to that thought because it makes sense.
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post #84 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-12-2015, 09:28 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Yours is only about the 150th "unique" story I've read here, because I'm relatively new. They all sound the same after awhile, because cheaters have a lot in common.

One of the things they have in common is that there is no way you are going to get her back, other than for her to use you as an ATM and baby-sitter, if you apologize to her while she is cheating on you!

Yes, I know you have made mistakes, but that doesn't excuse her behavior. You have to be strong. Listen to the old hands here, who have seen it all.

Always remember the LD motto: "Sex isn't important!!!"
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post #85 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-12-2015, 10:02 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

gridcom...you will not succeed in getting your wife back using the nice guy routine. I have been there, your situation is not unique. I have two young kids. Only once i fully exposed the affair and made her choose between me and the other man did the affair end. She chose the other man (a co-worker as well) and he dumped her four days later to go back to his wife. Within a couple of weeks her fog began to lift. We are currently separated but are on good terms. She just quit her job because it was so unbearable to go to a place that reminds her of breaking up her family. You say that she will never quit her job...guess what, at some point in time, she will have to quit that place. Once her affair is exposed (and it will be, you can't hide it forever), life at work will no longer be sunshine and lollipops.

I have been reading on here for awhile and I can tell you I haven't read one success story using the nice guy routine. It won't work.

The people on here are not lying to you. If you continue down this path you are lowering your stock value and the other douche's stock is rising quickly.

EXPOSE THE AFFAIR!!!!!

What's the worst she will do...she has already done that. Take a stand and be a man.

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post #86 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-12-2015, 10:39 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Earlier in the thread someone posted a link to the effect that timing is everything.

The time for ACTION is now. The time to expose and the time for consequences is now.

Not out of revenge or punishment, but to stand up and show that you yourself deserve respect and won't be taken for granted.

What would you tell someone else in your situation?

The problem is, when we are going through something like this, that we are so clouded by our emotions, the fear of the future and being alone, that many of us, like myself, rationalize ourselves into doormating behavior, that is not only counterproductive but we ourselves will loathe later.

The moment you disconnect yourself from the end result is the moment you will make rational decisions and paradoxically will have the greatest chance of "success".
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post #87 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-12-2015, 10:56 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

OP, I know it feels like you're getting beat up on. I hope you'll continue to post. And if you don't want to do things the way we are all telling you to do, that's your choice. There's a slim chance that she may wake up and dump the guy and change jobs and recommit to you. Stranger things have happened. Understand, though, that women usually hold out hope for their love only so long, and then it's just GONE. So even if she gives him up, she may never love you again. Anyway, continue to post your status and we'll provide the best advice we can give under the circumstances.
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post #88 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-12-2015, 11:24 PM Thread Starter
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You are all bumming me out but thank you and stay tuned
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post #89 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-13-2015, 12:38 AM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Brother. Our words shouldn't be your storm cloud but your wife's actions.

There is always hope. Others have recovered their marriages from worse.

The simple truth is that the affair must be ruthlessly destroyed for your marriage to even have a fighting chance.

The odds of you"nicing" your wife out of her affair are almost non existent.

Once the affair is atomized you can "nice" your marriage up very well.

Best wishes man.
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post #90 of 5067 (permalink) Old 07-13-2015, 01:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Tonight was not a good night. After all of your advice tonight, I once again ignored it all and tried to reason with her that giving this marriage every last chance to work was the only proper solution. She's not having it and during the conversation you could clearly tell she was coming from a place of great anger and vindictiveness. She admitted that she was trying to hurt me by being so open about the affair, hoping to "send me over the edge" and act promptly in anger.

Again, I know you all have really heard enough about this, but I am really trying to do the right thing for my children. To me, it's them first. It really is. This move will devistate them both emotionally and functionally. They will grow up poor kids in a rich town. We are already pretty much on the low end of finances in a financially viable community and cannot afford many things that our childrens peers have, and this is only going to make it way worse.

Tonight it was clear to me that my wife is in a real dark place, not just with me but in her life. I am the cause of this. I let her down. I didnt give this woman the love she deserved, All true. But, she is coming from a real dark place, a vengeful place, an unhealthy place, and a place that is ultimately going to harm my children. I CANNOT SIT BACK AND WATCH THIS HAPPEN AND DO NOTHING. It sucks that I have to cause more chaos in a chaotic situation. That does not generate love and kindness and caring, three things that I lack that I am trying to find in my life. I am absolutely gutted that my plan will not work; trying to nice her back into at least giving the marriage another chance.

Last edited by gridcom; 09-05-2015 at 05:16 PM.
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