My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-24-2015, 02:46 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

Wow, just WOW. I've read your thread and the advice that you are ignoring. Some things don't make sense.

How could you be this huge Azz hole to your wife, correction, aggressive AH, and then, suddenly, realize that you need to be the big fighter, beggar, pleader for the marriage? I mean, you blame yourself and specifically say that it was all your fault and really just bash yourself. IT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE.

azz hols remain azz holes. You can clean them up, but they are still azz holes. They don't change on a dime and suddenly become martyrs. It doesn't happen. Something does not make sense.

As for your wife, give her what she wants. Seriously, give her a divorce. Get the best deal you can for yourself and let her go. Either she will "snap out of it", whatever that means, once she realizes that she is free to go; or she will go and realize that life with someone else is really life with someone else and not all that stolen moments bullcrap. Lastly, it will be great to be away from you and she will enjoy the rest of her life with this guy.

Why you would want to keep her in light of what you told us is beyond me. Why she does not just file on you is confusing. I mean, why say stuff to make you angry when all she has to do is file?

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post #122 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 07:04 AM
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Your story is just like mine OP. Don't hang around get an apartment, get some guns and a girlfriend half her age. I got mine back. But it still sucks cause she is squirlly and doesn't really love me and lives in a fantasy about the other guy I believe. She still works with the dude. I wish I would have not gotten back together with her. It's better to let me go trust me. Its never the same
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post #123 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 07:11 AM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Your story is just like mine OP. Don't hang around get an apartment, get some guns and a girlfriend half her age. I got mine back. But it still sucks cause she is squirlly and doesn't really love me and lives in a fantasy about the other guy I believe. She still works with the dude. I wish I would have not gotten back together with her. It's better to let me go trust me. Its never the same
Its proven many times here, the one absolute everyone agrees on is that cheaters that work together never get over it or become faithful. Surely your gut is telling you this. She gets another job or gets dumped. Its your only shot.

You didn't get yours back, you just swept it under the rug and hoped things will get better.
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post #124 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 07:57 AM
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My wife swears hers was a friendship and did not get physical, not sure if she is truthful. I on the other hand banged a girl half her age which she knows about after we separated and she left me. This is good ammo for her to carry on her friendship. I have no evidence what she is doing, she says they don't speak. I am in a hard place. I can't say to much since I got some on the other side. Mine was a fling women's are tied to emotions
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post #125 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 07:59 AM
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All I know is she holds that over my head and something doesn't feel right and living like this is a complete *****.
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post #126 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 09:24 AM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

So while you were officially separated from her you had a fling with another woman. OK, many would consider that fair game while separated. Did you and your wife have a specified agreement on whether or not it was ok to date while separated?

There is some room to argue whether you were right or wrong to bang the girl while separated. But it is nowhere near the same thing as an EA like your wife had!

Why don't you leave your wife now?
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post #127 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 09:45 AM
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That's all I think about, should I leave or should I stay. We have an 10 yo son and sold our two separate houses earlier this year and bought a house together. Things were great at first then she started checking out again, she said things will never be the same after I screwed a girl. Meanwhile she was checked out so far when I did it, what did she expect me to wait around forever. I still don't know if she got physical with the guy but he was definitely in her ear and had her butterflies. She listens to all this country music chase rice and **** in the bath every night. In a fantasy, about this guy I suppose. She keeps her walls up slightly, I believe I am a plan b for her. The guy worked under her, her younger employee. He asked to transfer from her unit because it was causing home stress for him as he has a baby momma at home with a young son together. He is still there under a new supervisor. I have no idea if she talks to him, they flirt or he is playing hard to get and that attracts her. It's a bunch of bull**** I have to live this day to day. Our sex life is okay, frequent massages and sex, she has to use a vibrator to orgasm. I guess I want more affection from her, warm and cuddle but I get none of that. I don't know what to do.
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post #128 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 11:28 AM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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That's all I think about, should I leave or should I stay. We have an 10 yo son and sold our two separate houses earlier this year and bought a house together. Things were great at first then she started checking out again, she said things will never be the same after I screwed a girl. Meanwhile she was checked out so far when I did it, what did she expect me to wait around forever. I still don't know if she got physical with the guy but he was definitely in her ear and had her butterflies. She listens to all this country music chase rice and **** in the bath every night. In a fantasy, about this guy I suppose. She keeps her walls up slightly, I believe I am a plan b for her. The guy worked under her, her younger employee. He asked to transfer from her unit because it was causing home stress for him as he has a baby momma at home with a young son together. He is still there under a new supervisor. I have no idea if she talks to him, they flirt or he is playing hard to get and that attracts her. It's a bunch of bull**** I have to live this day to day. Our sex life is okay, frequent massages and sex, she has to use a vibrator to orgasm. I guess I want more affection from her, warm and cuddle but I get none of that. I don't know what to do.
Polygraph or divorce plus marriage counseling. Have you told her she's acting as she did before.

Your letting her, the cheater run the reconciliation.

Last edited by Chaparral; 07-28-2015 at 11:32 AM.
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post #129 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 12:25 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

MC is a must if you want a chance.

She can't work with her affair partner for you two to work.

Having sex with someone else really shot a hole in your chances.

You might just want to call this quits.
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post #130 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 12:38 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

After reading this thread I can tell you. You sadly sound like me early on in my divorce..

You should read my thread labeled mymistake in my signature.. As you will get to see your future..

Hopefully you will grow a pair and protect yourself for your pending divorce..

Again it is very hard for you to see this right now because you're at ground zero.. But one day you will look back at this, like I did and wonder WTF was I thinking back then..

I can clearly say IF I had the balls I did during my divorce I would have or might have been still married today.. But I know for a fact it would have not been fixed..

I said the same things and felt the same way you do.. Sadly you are being fooled by your soon to be ex wife.. What you will kick yourself in the head for is that she will still leave you, and she will leave you as you beg for her to stay.. You will hate that the most later on..

Again I feel bad for you because you just are so afraid to lose her.. You can't see your life without her and that you will do whatever she wants to keep her..


My Mistakes -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...e-dealing.html Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners.. -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...tml#post534068 The 180http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180

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post #131 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 01:14 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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Polygraph or divorce plus marriage counseling. Have you told her she's acting as she did before.

Your letting her, the cheater run the reconciliation.

I never get it when someone comes on here and says "don't do what I did, you should divorce her" and then acts like his advice is no longer an option for him, like he is stuck or something. It's the same inaction and emotions paralyzing him now as before.
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post #132 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 01:34 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

I think thebest thing to do in this situation is to just let her go. She's no good to you anymore, only to cause more hurt. An anyway now that you know that she's capable of this, would you even want her back? Don't talk to her anymore only when necessary and talk to her as she's someone you don't know and be as indifferent as you can. It's best if it looks like she hasn't hurt you.

One thing I would urge you to do is not seek out a therapist so soon. I would stay with friends or family that will support you til this horrible thing is over. A therapist will only tell you what you already know and and drain which will be much needed resources.

There will be better days ahead for you, thiunk about that and not what she has done. There isn't anything you can do about that. I would however look for ways to drag her through the mud in divorce court.
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post #133 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 05:43 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

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I think thebest thing to do in this situation is to just let her go. She's no good to you anymore, only to cause more hurt. An anyway now that you know that she's capable of this, would you even want her back? Don't talk to her anymore only when necessary and talk to her as she's someone you don't know and be as indifferent as you can. It's best if it looks like she hasn't hurt you.

One thing I would urge you to do is not seek out a therapist so soon. I would stay with friends or family that will support you til this horrible thing is over. A therapist will only tell you what you already know and and drain which will be much needed resources.

There will be better days ahead for you, thiunk about that and not what she has done. There isn't anything you can do about that. I would however look for ways to drag her through the mud in divorce court.
As my Therapist tells me.

You are asking a cat to be a dog.. A cat cannot be a dog, so you are asking for the impossible.

When someone is grasping at straws.. They are grasping at straws.. They are desperate to get this fixed.. They just don't know how..

I don't believe in god. But just out of custom I prayed to make my pain go away... I prayed for her to come back..

IF I could definitely figure out what exactly was wrong.. If someone gave me the cure to fix my Ex wife.. I would take it..

But sadly I cannot.. This is something I carry with me for the rest of my life..

The OP just hasn't realized that yet.. Everyone realizes it in their own time.. It is a bitter and hard pill to swallow.. It is so painful to realize you just have ZERO control or say when this stuff happens..

If I had the cure for this I would give it away to everyone who needed it.. Because some things are just priceless...

My Mistakes -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...e-dealing.html Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners.. -http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general...tml#post534068 The 180http://www.network54.com/Forum/23319...891381/The+180
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post #134 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 09:24 PM
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Re: My wife thinks she is in love with a co-worker

This thread just reinforces something I have learned a long time ago in life, and it applies to a lot more situations than just infidelity.

You can try to advise and help people all you want....but you cannot make them stand up and fight for themselves or their own dignity as human beings.

Some people are just incapable of it I guess.

I can't even imagine how degrading it must be to a person's self-esteem to be the whipping boy or doormat for vicious, abusive people.

I remember as a kid reading history about slavery in the Classical Greek/Roman world, or feudalism in Medieval Europe, or slavery in Ante Bellum America....and I recall thinking how could people EVER accept being treated like that?

Life has taught me so much, and reading threads here on TAM and other places just reinforces it.

I do not wonder anymore how or why it happens.

Sad....decent people deserve SO much better.

And OP,

I don't care how neglectful you may have been before the A.....all that entitled her to do was demand counseling and better treatment from you....or gave her the right to file for a D if she was that unhappy.

But justified her decision to turn into a f*cking traitor towards you, and destroy your children's family and home in the process?

H*LL NO....that's a sign of her crappy character.

Your WW trying to play the role of the angelic, wronged victim here?.....NO WAY should you tolerate that sh*t.

Your WW is currently acting like an immoral, hateful piece of filth.

File for D and refuse to reconsider until you start seeing real evidence that she can reform herself back into the decent person you thought she was by putting the man she made vows to and her children before her libido.

And find out if POSOM is in a relationship....I think I recall seeing that you didn't think he was but didn't know for sure.

Well find out and start to rain h*ll down on this guy by exposing to a W/gf if he has one and telling him to stay the f*ck away from your WW or you are contacting HR about their little fling.....HE IS DESTROYING YOUR KIDS LIVES AND FAMILY!!!!
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post #135 of 5070 (permalink) Old 07-29-2015, 12:51 AM
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So I just went through this and basically wish I would have read all these comments 6 months ago! I begged.. Cried.. Etc and it wasn't until I started doing my own thing that he come back. Even then, he came back and continued to see the OW behind my back. Your wife has to see that you are strong enough to move on without her and see that her actions are producing real life irreversible consequences. It's a real slap in the face to them. And affairs rarely last when reality hits. It's all just fantasy.. So ruin that by exposing her!! I hate cheaters!!! Such selfish people! I'm sorry for what you're going through.. And Know that it wasn't your fault. It does get easier.. Do you!
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