Chances of affair lasting
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Chances of affair lasting

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 06-30-2011, 11:01 AM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 14
Default Chances of affair lasting

I am currently separated 19 months. I will be filing for D soon as I have had enough of the emotional rollercoaster. I was just wondering what the odds are of my WS and the OM actually working out long term relationship wise. I personally can't understand how a relationship started with deceit can last. I would be interested in hearing about other's opinions/experiences on this.

Take care all!

Qwill
Qwilleran is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 06-30-2011, 11:08 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
alphaomega's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,369
Default Re: Chances of affair lasting

90 percent of affairs die in two years.

I have a friend that's going on three with OM, but I can start seeing signs of discontent. I give them another six months, tops.
Posted via Mobile Device
alphaomega is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-30-2011, 11:08 AM   #3 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,573
Default Re: Chances of affair lasting

My SIL's husband cheated. They got divorced less than 2 years ago. He is still with the OW but he is miserable now. He regrets it and just recently came blubbering to EX wife how awful his life is now. She just said "sucks to be you" and walked away.

Karma's a *****.
magnoliagal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-30-2011, 11:12 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,177
Default Re: Chances of affair lasting

Quote:
Originally Posted by magnoliagal View Post
My SIL's husband cheated. They got divorced less than 2 years ago. He is still with the OW but he is miserable now. He regrets it and just recently came blubbering to EX wife how awful his life is now. She just said "sucks to be you" and walked away.

Karma's a *****.
Awesome!

It's said statistically that most affairs don't last but who knows. Some do (Camilla & Prince Charles, Brangelina) and some end (Meg Ryan/Russell Crowe, Tiger Woods and all thousand of his OWs).

One thing is true though--the honeymoon phase ends in every relationship and then the "real" relationship starts.

Try not to worry about your ex. Yes, their entire relationship started on a lie so they will prob have a lot of trust issues.
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-30-2011, 11:20 AM   #5 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
sigma1299's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 2,401
Default Re: Chances of affair lasting

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans View Post
Try not to worry about your ex. Yes, their entire relationship started on a lie so they will prob have a lot of trust issues.
Ironically enough my AP actually said this to me towards then end off our A. She said if we did run off together that she would always wonder when I was going to leave her. Affairs are so stupid.
sigma1299 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-30-2011, 11:22 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,177
Default Re: Chances of affair lasting

^ Yes they are.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pidge70 View Post
I met my SO while I was married. We've had a lot of problems, mostly my fault. We are still together and in Nov it will be 17yrs.
Posted via Mobile Device
Did you cheat on your ex husband with your now SO? Was your SO in a relationship?
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-30-2011, 11:43 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Pit-of-my-stomach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Hi! my name is ~Pit~.
Posts: 1,906
Default Re: Chances of affair lasting

the statistics are overwelmingly against any possibility of a sustained/happy relationship. Literally almost impossible. Yes, they can last (again low pertentage) for years in some cases. BUt, they are far from happy and rife with negative undertones. Jealously, insecurity, more infidelity, emotional abuse on both sides, you name it. They are poisonous.

Because the odds are so stageringly against forming a lasting relationship as the result of infidelity and people know that (they have been told that through the process and still choose to persue it despite the wisdom.) The people that do have a "longer than average" or even marginal relationships with the AP are QUICK to point out to everyone, any success. They often jump at a chance to say "SEE" it can be done, or they paint the failing relationship as more fullfilling or happy than it really is... they want to prove people wrong and hold onto the part of the fantasy that is "romantic, soul mate, against all odds" crap......

It's more bullsh*t. I promise you. These relationhips are poisoned from the start. Wish you could see, feel and essentially witness what is really happening inside of these two people's heads/hearts/souls as it all happening. It is dark and disgusting much of the time.

You only see a tiny percentage and mostly what they allow you see about the truth of this union of sin. These are well accomlished liars as you know, and they have become just as good at lying to themselves and decieving themselves as they have the people around them.

From day 1, it's rotting from the inside out... and if you are able to get close to it... you can smell it.

read my signature, its a dead truth.
__________________
Don't say never

Last edited by Pit-of-my-stomach; 06-30-2011 at 12:21 PM.
Pit-of-my-stomach is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-30-2011, 11:52 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,177
Default Re: Chances of affair lasting

But tell us how you really feel, Pit.
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-30-2011, 11:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Pit-of-my-stomach's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Hi! my name is ~Pit~.
Posts: 1,906
Default Re: Chances of affair lasting

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jellybeans View Post
But tell us how you really feel, Pit.
huh ? whatcha mean?
__________________
Don't say never
Pit-of-my-stomach is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-30-2011, 12:27 PM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Numb-badger's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: North East UK
Posts: 534
Default Re: Chances of affair lasting

From what I've seen, 5 years was the max (and the woman went off with another man-again )

Another case: My daughter has a friend whose mother ran off with another man, leaving the father devastated. This OM left his wife and kids. Now - 2 years later - those kids have grown a little and don't really want to see him. The OM was so upset that he has promised to spend much more time with the kids.
A lot of time with his kids.
And a lot of time with his ex wife.
And now?
The mother of my daughters friend is a tad worried. She feels as if he's hiding something (F***ING LOL!) She is scared that he still feels something for the ex wife and is scared that he will move back with her.
He has now announced that he wants to go on a small holiday with the ex wife and kids.
I wonder what will happen next.
3-6 months I give it. And I'm being optimistic

I love a good comedy
Numb-badger is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-30-2011, 12:32 PM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Entropy3000's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: In Love
Posts: 9,797
Default Re: Chances of affair lasting

Quote:
Originally Posted by Qwilleran View Post
I am currently separated 19 months. I will be filing for D soon as I have had enough of the emotional rollercoaster. I was just wondering what the odds are of my WS and the OM actually working out long term relationship wise. I personally can't understand how a relationship started with deceit can last. I would be interested in hearing about other's opinions/experiences on this.

Take care all!

Qwill
Well if that is any solice or not who knows. I hope you are not holding out for the affair to end. Move on.
Entropy3000 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-30-2011, 01:53 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
Jellybeans's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 19,177
Default Re: Chances of affair lasting

Quote:
Originally Posted by Numb-badger View Post
The mother of my daughters friend is a tad worried. She feels as if he's hiding something (F***ING LOL!) She is scared that he still feels something for the ex wife and is scared that he will move back with her.
No, not the evil ex-wife!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Numb-badger View Post
I love a good comedy
Jellybeans is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-30-2011, 02:58 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 840
Default Re: Chances of affair lasting

After 19 months, what are you waiting for, really?
When does the empiotnal rollercoaster become a lengthy enough ride to deciee to get off, permanently?
2xloser is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-30-2011, 03:09 PM   #14 (permalink)
Lon
Member
 
Lon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 5,613
Default Re: Chances of affair lasting

I'm curious about this too, my wife has admitted that when she started with this OM she wasn't looking to make it LTR... but I can see she is investing more and more time and energy into it, a lot more than he is by the looks of it. She even refutes that it even was cheating because in her mind she had checked out and moved on already (barely, still living in the house and was with the guy who most definitely was a PA the weekend before). Anyways, she'll be heartbroken when it ends, probably more so than when she ended it with me
Lon is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 06-30-2011, 03:21 PM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
AppleDucklings's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: overlooking Iowa
Posts: 1,405
Default Re: Chances of affair lasting

my exH's ow is playing both him and her exBF against each other. They are both fighting for her affection (dont ask me why. I aint got a clue) but they are. It's almost comical to sit back and watch this all happen. Seriously she aint all that. She sleeps with one, tells the other about it, then that one gets mad but then she sleeps with that one to make them feel better but then tells the other one what she did and it's enough to leave one wtf'ing all the live long day. It's almost like my exH and her exBF are having some sort of chest beating, I'm more manly than you contest and neither will back down because they are too f*cking egotistical.
__________________
"said woman, take it slow, it'll work itself out fine. All we need is just a little patience."-Gun N Roses
AppleDucklings is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Lasting WAY longer? kl84 Sex in Marriage 33 09-05-2012 03:34 PM
Lasting for too long? SoWhat Sex in Marriage 26 05-02-2012 07:52 AM
Lasting Longer Ted Sex in Marriage 20 04-18-2012 02:21 PM
What are my chances when it comes to fight an affair ? DiabliQ7 General Relationship Discussion 6 02-08-2010 07:52 AM
What are my chances when it comes to fight an affair ? DiabliQ7 General Relationship Discussion 0 02-07-2010 09:01 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:56 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage