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I screwed up and want to fix it...

31K views 119 replies 50 participants last post by  eastsouth2000 
#1 ·
I am going through a terrible phase, having screwed up and facing consequences of my own actions.

I am married, early 30s ( both of us). I met a man, also married and 1 kid, at work and would occasionally chat with him, go for coffee. Once we went for drinks and he told me he is attracted to me and wants to sleep with me. I think that acted like a huge ego boost to me and I fell for him. After that, it was a limerance kind of phase : I always wanted to talk to him, be with him, had thoughts about him, lost some focus at work, forgot how to be a wife at home, forgot my family etc. I told him after a few days of the drinks meeting that I also had feelings for him and am attracted to him. He listened carefully to me. Ofcourse, he is the kind who is more than happy to have sex ( one time or a few times and forget the woman). However, he did mention to me that if he and I were to be involved physically then I would not be the same person in his eyes since I am not the kind of woman who is involved in one night stands. He mentioned he values my friendship and therefore we should try and not to get involved sexually. I agreed but I do have physical feelings for him. I also feel a little rejected since I know I am attractive to a lot of men in general but this man did give me very valid reasons for us not to sleep with each other. So, I controlled the feelings.

Then he left the job to move to another job and we still meet 2-3 times a week ( earlier it would be 5 times a week, every day after work). We talk a lot of stuff : work, career development, sometimes our spouses ( but nothing private), health etc. I feel like I am the one head over heels with him and it is hurting me that he does not show his feelings as much. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I have these feelings. Now, all of this made me think about how terrible I have been to my husband and I want to end the feelings I have for this man but want to keep the friendship ( I value his input in my life, he is very respectful, wise etc).

I am thinking of having a chat with him next week and telling him that I am hurt he rejected me sexually, I still have feelings, I will control my feelings and focus my energy on my husband but he will always be close to my heart. I will end up destroying myserf if I keep going on with feelings for him. He also wanted me to be someone like a wingwoman for him to pick up women who are interested in one night stands, I am thinking of helping him now. I was not able to help him before because I had feelings for him and it was hard to imagine him with other women. Any thoughts on the chat that I plan to have with him?

I have a wonderful marriage and husband and I don't know why I did this. Hope I can find an answer eventually.
 
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#97 ·
Seriously, asking you to be his wing woman was a zen master-level mindfvck. If I ever decide to be a totally amoral dbag, your AP would be a great role model.

Can you not see you are being played?

And trickle-truthing? Every minute you don't come out with the full, unspun truth is another lie.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#105 ·
OP here

I have not digested all of your posts here, I imagine I need to do a lot of reading in between the lines. I met my therapist today , I am happy I got that going. We will see how that works for me.

I haven't met the guy for 5 days now, he sent me a text ( usual, hello types) and I just responded as I would to other colleagues or friends.

One thing I realized, as I Was talking in therapy today, is that this surge of feelings has mostly been from my side only. I know my colleague mentioned that he wants to sleep with me but I don't count that any more since it could be a "pick up" line just to get me going. Aside from that one comment, he did not make any other comment or move. That makes me feel I am the one head over heels and I have started to stop the thoughts in my head (my therapist is also helping me with this since I mentioned it as one of my goals) by soaking myself further into work, planning other goals, vacation with the husband etc.

I feel like a fool for allowing these feelings to cloud me but I also realize there may be deeper rooted issues I have to address. Fortunately or unfortunately, this experience has brought some issues to the surface. I now have to find a way to address them.
 
#113 ·
Please take it from someone who has recently been on the opposite side of such a "friendship. End all communication with this man. It destroyed me when I found out my Husband was having as emotional affair, if he had remained "friends" it would have ended our marriage immediately. Now our marriage is in limbo (but that's another story). Your husband doesn't deserve this. Why do you still need this man in your life? The truth always comes out about these affairs and if you carry on "being friends" it will destroy you all. Please just walk away and seek counseling for your actions.
 
#117 ·
God have mercy! This woman is dense. What don't you understand?

I guess people at TAM wasn't telling you what you wanted to hear. So, you are now making up what you read and think you understand.

No therapy is going to help you until you are honest with yourself. You are living a lie.

Wake the freak up. This is not going to end well for you. Or maybe your husband is just one stupid man, who will live in ignorance forever. As you continue to feed him lies.
 
#119 ·
By Locke.Stratos
TERMINATE/CEASE/END ALL CONTACT, COMMUNICATION AND INTERACTIONS WITH YOUR COWORKER/OTHER MAN.

You do not send texts to him, you do not reply to any messages from him. You do not call him or take his calls. You do not initiate or respond to any form of communication from him.

You block and delete all of his contact information and do not see and interact with him in person.

To: Lovemydarling
If you do not do what the post above says then you are just playing head games and are not serious about your betrayal.
 
#120 ·
my 2cents,

Lady if you want this OM leave your husband get a divorce. Its either OM or the husband. Don't Monkey around and hold on to two branches before you let go. coz that's just cold hearted and mean.

Dont treat your Husband like plan B.

If you don't wanna tell your husband and don't want a divorce go NC with this OM.
 
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