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Never thought I would be posting here

107K views 290 replies 58 participants last post by  Taxman 
#1 · (Edited)
Hello all. Here is my story. As you may or may not know I stumbled on this site about 4 months ago when I googled "My wife doesnt love me anymore"..I have been posting on the sex in marriage, and mens rooms, but liteally had not looked at this forum, because that was not the problem. I have been going thru 2.5 years of hell at home, no real affection, lots of resentment from both my W and me, some pretty rough times. I have contemplated divorce,but was reluctant to give up on my 30 year marriage, felt like this was the "worse" in "B or W" and I really take that vow seriously. My kids are all but grown one is going to be a Junior in college, the other two are 24 and married, and 27 bipolar and a constant source of frustation, exasperation (putting it mildly, but to tell that story would take a novel, and I am afraid this one is going to be too long as it is). In December 2009, my troubled one moved back home (from UTAH where she had lived for 3 years, and had refussed to talk to us, wrote us off,) and that was a disaster! Her time here was STRESSFUL finally she got her own place in Florida, but before she was gone my wife was prescribed anti depressent, and I believe the meds, along with that smothering stress brought on her subsequent lack of libido. and a slide into the abyss. (more here as well) Couple of months ago: my W who does not work outside the home, started doing odd jobs working with a family friend of 22 years (if there is a power tool in our home it is hers not mine) and at first I was happy, I was actually glad that she was doing something that seemed to make her happy ( a VERY rare occurance) and the little extra money would come in handy as well, especially since she seem to really like haveing her own money (I am not wealthy but we live a nice suburban americana lifestile, but the little she made helped pump her ego) I became suspicious of her relationship with this friend as they did a lot of things together...went to auction sales together (buying tools, I get bored easily at auctions, she loves them, the OM was happy to go with her, as he likes auctions as well) etc. Saturday nite I waited for her to fall asleep, then checked her cell phone, and on there were these texts from the OM, professing his love for her. Looking at the "sent" messages, I saw where she expressed her love for him..."thank u for loving me" "I needed you so much" so at 3:00 am I loaded my shotgun and headed for his house, not to shoot him but to put loads of double ought buckshot into his car and truck. As i patroled the area to make sure no cops were about my head cleared a bit and I realized to do jail time would just be stupid, so I proceeded to drive around thinking a million thoughts, my head spinning. after an hour or so I drove back past his house (he lives 5 minutes from me) and parked in front was my wife. She had found the empty gun box figured out where I was (there is some info missing here how she figured it out etc..but god you people dont need to be reading this until next year). As I drove up, she jumped out of her car and ran over to me saying, "Your problem is with me, not with him!" I rolled down my window and said "You are right you s**t! "You go right now and pack your bags and get the hell out of my house!" She then said "I love him, he treats me better than you ever have!" "You have never treated me good" She proceeded to drive home, load her suitcases and leave, going to his house. Now this is Sunday 4am. On monday I received a tearful phone call,on my voice mail informing me that she wasnt going to "take me to the cleaners". I texted her"What do you want?" "My attorneys name isXXX and his phone is YYYY." was her reply. I called the att. and all she basically wanted was her personal things and $50k. Now her half of our assets would be worth much more than that the vast majority tied up in our business not liquid at all and if forced to sell in this market easily $300k would be lost. I had been concerned that I would be forced to sell to pay her off, so that made me breathe a little easier. I know the attrny, picked up on my surprise and he state"all she wants is to get this over with and get on with life." A friend had explained to me that in Indiana, a H and W if they can agree on the split of assets, can use one attrny draw up an agreement, sign it, give it to a judge to sign and 60 days later Boom! u are D. I asked if that were true and it was. So I texted my wife back that I was basically in agreement, thought we could go this route. "Fine As long as it is not contested" says she. Today I met with my attrny, he agreeded to review the doc. for me. I then called her guy back, discussed a couple of items he had brought up, mentioned that she missed her 20+ oil lamps and she would want them on the list, and in 20 minutes hammered out the basics of the entire agreement.
Tonight as I looked the texts over, I believe strongly that this was the very first encounter, and triggered by my being an ass, and going to the office to get away from her (I have done a LOT of that the last two years) not giving her any breaks but just acknowledging my fault in this as well
This knowledge has caused me to loose 90% of my anger!, still have 100% of the hurt of betrayal, but thinking for the first time this might be saveable (cant believe I am saying this) as I still do very much love my wife. I havent been able to stand living with her the last two years, bt I can remember back just before that, my youngest started college, we were empty nesters, and loving it and each other. best 4 months of our marriage! So my inclination is to hurry thru the D to conserve our business, then thinking about looking into Recon. I have read the forums everyday for these last 4 months, and kinda know were we REALLY went wrong, know enough to realize at least we have something we can work on with the right help. Am I delusional? I realize she would have to be willing to try, and all that but am I just in denial? Will I wake up 3 wks from now and hate her all over again, a product of this WAVE of emotion I have been on? is this just me wishing?
 
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#281 ·
:wink2:Dear Hoosier:

Read your whole thread in one sitting tonight. Congratulations on being The Man for your family. You will always be loved by those around you.

She will never be loved by anyone. Misery forever. Sad. Her own choice. The price of being a traitor.

Keep on being the loving Grandfather. And congrats on being a "Sexy Grandpa". You are like a fine wine, you just keep getting better with age.

Thanks for being a role model to your family and your TAM family. :wink2:
 
#282 ·
Just an update. Realizing that this original Thread is 9 years old and anyone who followed it probably long gone. Anyway.............

Well the POSOM dies yesterday. Not sure what did him in, but he had had a bout with cancer some time back, but really a lot of things were going wrong. He ended up being married to my xw for just under 7 years. She is now 60 (he was 72) and with no job, thank god her mother left her some money last year or she would be looking at NO funds coming in. (Cant draw SSI until she is 62, called the widow black out period). Either way that monthly check is stopping.

In the obit, my middle daughter, who remains in contact with her mother, is the only surviving Step daughter listed, my granddaughter is listed (but not her mom!). Also in the Obit. my xw uses her maiden name when their marriage is noted, ummmm dont think that was her name, hadnt been "maiden" for over 30 years.

A few years ago I would of been buying drinks at the local pub in celebration. I think its a very good sign that really no emotion sprang forth. Cant say I am not glad he is gone (more like I am glad I out lasted him) but now I can finally put away those thoughts (still get them couple times a year) where I am going to have it out with him, tell him what I really think. He is dead not even a starter. I feel kinda sorry for my xw. She has lost her relationship with two of her three daughters, missed out on 6 of my granddaugters 8 years, lives in a converted church in the boonies (away from shame I think) and she is mentally ill, I seriously believe that. The POSOM was very manipulative (she was a willing partner, no breaks here on that) and now maybe some healing can happen. As while I will always hate what she did, I still think it very important for my daughters to have a relationship with her. Currently two do not.

I look back at the start of this thread and realize how far I have come. Remarried last year, traveling 3 or 4 times a year, going to my grandkids stuff, I really am better off than I would of been. Hard to see that when **** is going down, but it is true. This can be you.

For those of you just starting this journey, keep positive, keep pushing forward, take the high road, dont give up, improve yourself. Time, time is the answer. Time to heal, time to go thru it in your head 2 million times until you can either figure it all out (not me) or you can get to the point that it really doesnt matter.(thats me) Some day that POS is going to die, and it really isnt going to matter to you. As his effect and place on/in your life is long gone. And the fact that it doesnt matter feels really good.

Hoosier
 
#284 ·
Very good update. But you need to quit trying to make decisions about your daughter's relationship with the XW.

They are adults and can make that decision on their own. It is up to them, not you and what you "think" is best.

Enjoy your new life and allow your daughters the same courtesy without interference.

If they ask your opinion, give it to them....if they don't, leave it alone.
 
#291 · (Edited)
Me, I would filter a bottle of vodka through my kidneys all over his grave. PLUS...I would be willing to bet Hoosier's ex will suddenly darken his door. Even ten years down the road, I have seen this behavior. Entitlement on steroids. The entitlement is present in stepping out of the marriage for an affair, and I have yet to see it mellow.

PS, if you hear he is being cremated, send along a cord of dried firewood. Send your ex a pig statue or dildo to hold his ashes.
 
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