am_i_crazy35

Dandri--he has said its not worth risking his marriage for this friendship. She just keeps worming her way back into our lives (I miss seeing you guys, stuff like that). That's why part of me thinks she has him snowed too. I'm just not as gullible (or miss seeing her?) as much as he does I guess.
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Almostrecovered

well that's the best way to explain it to him if you ask me, the rules that were set up were broken and you were disrespected and it's the same thing as cheating even if it wasn't sexual. It doesn't matter if the the third party was the one who started it, your husband was certainly party to agreeing with it


good luck

Almostrecovered

time to block her number/texts/facebook etc

Dandri

doesnt matter if he said no - he still has communication with her - you state that she is the one calling him and txting him - how do you know this?

cause he says? - heres a good questions if she is the one contact him does he respond? - if he is responding then he is in fact still in communication with her - if he wasnt hed have blocked her number or changed his number so as not to worry you to keep your trust in him.

this is what i was saying do not believe his excuses "shes the one contacting me"

Ok fine but y did u not block her number when she continued? cause you wanted the contact still - like I said he is in an EA with her.

If he was serious - he would have blocked the number or changed his number of his own free will - or called her in front of you and told her to stop calling texting or communicating with him or you in any way.

He didnt do this now did he?

He needs to understand that he can not have his cake and pie at the same time he needs to choose.

am_i_crazy35

I understand what you're saying. I know it was her who contacted him bcs I was there. He showed me his phone records. Now what is done or said when I'm not there is all together a different can of worms. She calls from a lot of different numbers, and a lot of times he doesn't know who is calling or texting until he answers. I've heard him question who it was even when he didn't know I could hear, or was even around. But it all better stop as of now. This is going to b a bad weekend for fighting, I already know that.
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am_i_crazy35

Something else I found odd, the night she left in a drunk fit, he came home, climbed into bed, and said thank you for not being crazy. I laughed and said I thought I was crazy. He said no, just protecting what's mine. Not sure what that means.
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Jellybeans

He is enabling her and playing into it if he has not taken the steps to end her contacting him.

It takes 5 seconds to block someone's # and to tell them not to contact you anymore.

So if she still contacts him, he hasn't been clear enough.

Dandri

Since its the case she calls from many numbers tell him to change his number and block her from any internet sites he may have her linked to ie : facebook, myspace, twitter, email, skype or any other texting, chatting service he may have.

you can also get whats called and No Contact order from the cort and have her served.

and if she violates it call the police - if he violates it then you have your answer.

Now it may seem harsh but if he truly wants YOU not HER he should have no issues, problems or complaints with changing his number or banning her from any of his socializing sites.

Tell him if she continues you'll then proceed with legal action against her and if he violates it hes out on his butt.

be staight, be honest, be open

thats the best you can do and give to him with this issue - and its the best he can give you in return.

am_i_crazy35

Changing his number isn't an option. He's self employed, and a LOT of his previous customers can only contact him on his current number. He's had it for years, and clients from 5 years ago will call out of the blue. I don't want him to lose that opportunity for work. But the other sounds interesting. Guess I will see how things go and what he agrees to tonight and go from there.
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Jellybeans

He doesn't have to change his # at all.

He can block her from calling/texting him.

am_i_crazy35

Just have to gather up all her numbers and block em all. Lol. I'm sure gonna write em all down and call the odd ones when the phone bill comes in.
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am_i_crazy35

I really do appreciate all of your advice, input, etc. Its nice to know that I'm not just making things up in my mind.
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am_i_crazy35

Any ideas how to go about making him know dedinitively that this is an EA? He's one of these ppl who think its either an all out PA or nothing @ all. I've tried to get him to wear my shoes, but he don't get it.
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Jellybeans

You can't make him think/believe something that he doesn't.

You already asked him and he told you it wasn't. Accept that and tell him you feel more comfortable with him blocking her #/other ways she contacts him.

am_i_crazy35

Ok. Thank you.
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