i am new here, and would appreciate some help as i have no one to talk too, and i have searched all over the internet for something similar, and can't find it.
some background - second marriage for both. my first marriage, extreme abuse, verbal and physical. he cheated on me too many times to count. finally got out. one child. his first marriage, bad choice, no children.
we have been extremely happily married for almost 5 and a half years. we have a 3 yr old princess that we adore. we have an extreme amount of communication, and we have had hundreds of conversations on how lucky we are, we have never had an arguement or disagreement. we want the same things out of life, have the same beliefs. we have talked in length over the affairs or indiscretions of friends and aquaintences, how they could do that, how they could be with their spouse and children after lying and being with someone else. we always talked about how lucky we were to have such peace and tranquility in our lives. we are always asking the other how we feel, if we are happy, if there is anything the other could do, or is doing something that could be changed. this was sooooo different for me, compared to my experience of what marriage was...well i have been on cloud 9 forever.
so, he asked me to send out an email from his account... and on his email are text transcripts from his cell. as soon as i sent out the email the page came up, so i wasn't snooping, it was just there... and there were hundreds of texts to a woman from about a month ago... where he met her to pick up some items to deliver to her family on a trip he took 3 weeks ago. i was aware this had happened as she is a sister of a friend of his whom he had never met. after the favor, she texted him to say thank you, etc... it all was very innocent, they texted about her husband and kids, and me and our daughter, even that we might all get together as he wanted her to meet me, because i was an amazing wife... then...
the texts just changed, and he started pursuing her... she was reluctant at first... said she was a one man woman, married her first boyfriend and couldn't continue the texting... then she started texting him... and from there it ended up in a couple of very quick meet ups, until finally some kissing at one of them. there was only kissing, i guess some pretty serious kissing, as he marked her neck, one of the next texts was how desperate she was to cover the mark so her husband wouldn't see.....
then a few texts on how horrible she felt, and then some phone calls in between, some more texts on what were they going to do, they both texted on how they had never done this before and both sounded quite regretful with eachother and what had happened... that was the last texts that i found, and i called her. she was devastated that i knew, and cried and apologized over and over to me... that she was soooo regretful and would never contact him again. she hasn't...
i flipped out... my husband works grave driving a truck, and i disconnected the garage control, his only way in the house. he has been out of the house since then, about a week, i won't take his calls. he leaves me soo many messages, crying, sooo sorry. he texts me constantly, how he will do anything to have his family back, etc etc... begging me not to take his life and daughter away, that he was sooo stupid, he doesn't even know how he could let it happen.
what do i do??? i am devastated because of the great marriage we had... we were really in bliss, always laughing, loving, always wanting to spend all our time together... our daughter is our life... do i stay with him just for our little girl?? can her really be so regretful that he will never hurt me like this??
Tell her husband about the affair (without letting your husband or the OW know).
Only you can decide if you want him back but if you decide to reconcile, youneed to list out CLEARLY what he needs to do in order for you to even consider reconciliation.
By the way, it's good you took a hard stance with him cause he knows you are NOT f*cking around. Good for you for NOT being a doormat.
You may want to copy/paste this into the Coping with Infidelity thread.
i am trying desperately to tell her husband... i can't get a number for him... all i have is her number. she answers every time too. i tell her that i am giving her the opportunity to tell him the truth, or i will... she says she won't tell him. i don't know her last name or her address... i call late at night, hoping he will get fed up with the calls at all hours and answer.. but no luck yet.
i think because of my previous marriage and heartache, i was able to stand a little bit strong... i am just so lost... everything i read is about things like this happening when things are not so good in the marriage or things like that.. but i am at a total loss. we were in bliss, we constantly talked about things like this.. he always told me how lucky we are.. the last time we had a talk about this was last saturday.. i then found the texts on sunday about midnight...
what should i do.. please please help... i am sooo lost, and have no one in my life to talk to... my mom is too old and i don't want to affect her health.. no friends... no family... please help me.
he wants to work things out... my heart breaks for my daughter.. i have seen my son suffer through my previous divorce... i am in so much pain... i would appreciate any opinions, advice... thank you!!!!!!
I would not be able to stay myself because once trust has been broken i just can't live like that.
I hate the thought that he chased her.
Ask him why he didn't persue you? Ask him what he felt was lacking and why he didn't come to you to help each other add excitement? Ask him why he has such poor impulse control?
He does seem genuinely remorseful, now I think you need to find a marriage counselor you are both comfortable with. He needs to perhaps find a job if he can that will give him more suitable hours and allow you to have some peace of mind. (I would not advocate him leaving untill he finds a new job). I would make sure that he was being totally transparent and was happy for you to read his emails and look at phone transcripts etc.
i have asked him why he was soooo desperate to kiss her.. kissing is my favorite thing and am constantly asking him for kisses.. it is like my thing with him, and definitely why this has hurt me soooo badly. it's not like he wasn't getting it from me... our sex life is great, our communication was great.. we laugh a lot... we are sooo considerate with eachother... i mean he will just bring me a glass of water, just because... i am just blown away by his behavior.
he actually texted me today, to tell me that he is going to train on another job, that a friend of mine actually got him an interview for.. he said he wanted to do it to have better hours, and to be able to dedicate more time to us (baby daughter and i) he said he wants us to be inseparable, so there is noooooo doubts on my part.. i can check on him 24/7, all emails, texts, phone calls, etc. anything so he can come home and recooperate his family. and he swears to have all the patience in the world with me as i go through the process of forgiving him..... he seems so sincere. we have never even argued ever before, and he is soooo calm and patient... i am at a loss, i truly am. if it weren't for my extremely horrifically abusive prior marriage, i would probably have given him a second chance already... but because of my past pain.. i am terrified to do so... am i wrong????
thank you.... i just hate to think that he is paying the price of someone else's broken dishes... you know what i mean??
i know men can be slimey (as can some women), but when children are involved, well most women tend to sacrifice themselves for them. i finally left my abusive ex when my son was 11... and he is still suffering from that.... and the thought of doing this to my daughter... it is KILLING me.. and i just can't deal with the fact that i stayed previously with a wife beater and cheater for 20 years, and now just over a kiss (that seems to have hurt me worse than the other things i have suffered) i will not even try to stay married for my daughter.... i am just feeling like a very bad mother..
Stop calling her. It was a bad idea to tell her if she doesn't tell her hub you will tell her yourself because now she and your husband have time to get their story straight. She is a coward who had no problem interjecting herself into your marriage but won't own up to the problems she has now caused for her own. Ugh.
Can you research on your own and find out who her husband is and how to contact him on your own? Facebook? There are ways to do it (your own husband's phone and call logs).
You should definitely tell the OW's husband. Drive to her house when he will be there if you need to.
As for forgiving your husband, there's no right or wrong answer. He started pursuing her, which means this may not be the first time. The fact that he told her it was a first for him means nothing. No man will tell a women she is just another potential notch to him.
The best thing for your daughter (and son) is to be raised in a 2-parent house with a good marriage. Whether that is possible is unclear. Your husband may fully repent and never stray again. Or he may be biding his time for another opportunity. You just can't know.
You should definitely tell the OW's husband. Drive to her house when he will be there if you need to.
As for forgiving your husband, there's no right or wrong answer. He started pursuing her, which means this may not be the first time. The fact that he told her it was a first for him means nothing. No man will tell a women she is just another potential notch to him.
The best thing for your daughter (and son) is to be raised in a 2-parent house with a good marriage. Whether that is possible is unclear. Your husband may fully repent and never stray again. Or he may be biding his time for another opportunity. You just can't know.
Good luck.
Can you contact this friend of his (the one she is sister to) and fish out info on hubby this way? Pretend something was left behind or need a mailing address or something? Posted via Mobile Device
Can you contact this friend of his (the one she is sister to) and fish out info on hubby this way? Pretend something was left behind or need a mailing address or something? Posted via Mobile Device
The OP's husband knows the address. He delivered something to their house. So that shouldn't be a problem.
i am trying desperately to tell her husband... i can't get a number for him... all i have is her number. she answers every time too. i tell her that i am giving her the opportunity to tell him the truth, or i will... she says she won't tell him. i don't know her last name or her address...
H knows it, poster doesn't. You think H will tell her? Posted via Mobile Device
She shouldn't ask him cause he will give her an excuse as to why he won't give it to her. We ALL know that.
She should try to find out on her own.
Exactly, that's why she needs to get hold of the friend. Make an excuse of something left behind that you want to drop off at the house or something. I wouldn't confide in friend. Posted via Mobile Device
my husband kissed someone else.... 
