Is this acceptable!?! Does it make it any better!?!
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Is this acceptable!?! Does it make it any better!?!

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 07-20-2011, 07:08 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Is this acceptable!?! Does it make it any better!?!

for those of you that dont know my story, A month ago I found out my bf had a One night stand with some girl he doesnt even know the name of. It happened over a year ago while I was pregnant with our 3rd child. I decided to forgive him and make things work. Since I forgave so quickly my emotions went backwards at first I felt compassion, then just recently I started to feel very angry and I found the reason was because I never really asked him any questions about that night and I need to get it off my chest.

Well he told me what happened and said that he and this girl started talking **** to each other and as he was leaving she followed him to the parking lot where they took it further and started to do the deed, he said he felt like **** immediately and that it maybe lasted 2 minutes when he stopped, got in his car and left. He came home and took a shower because he felt disgusted.

After hearing his story I felt better I had my questions answered but I also felt better about the ONS almost like it was better that he stopped and felt like **** instead of knowing he enjoyed it and was passionate with someone else. However, it still disgust me that he would even do something like that I mean who does that? but...I guess my question is why do I feel its more acceptable (but i know its not acceptable) instead of if it had been a heat of moment passion session...I dont understand my thought process sometimes...
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Old 07-20-2011, 08:11 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this acceptable!?! Does it make it any better!?!

I get you. My situation is different in that my H had an EA with a woman he worked with. I know that there was more than one occasion where they got very close to it being physical but he pulled back. I feel partly pleased that he didn't take it that step further, but simultaneously angry that he let it get to a point, more than once, where he had to make that decision. Like he was flirting with the idea and making it look like he *would* take it further, right up until he had the choice to continue or not.

Have you spoken to him about WHY it happened? Has he offered up anything? Has he been remorseful and reassuring that it won't happen again?
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Old 07-20-2011, 08:56 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this acceptable!?! Does it make it any better!?!

The fact that he claims he stopped in my eyes does not make it better, the fact that he was able to get to that point is the big issue. There was something missing or that he wanted with her, and maybe it was just a few minutes of fun, but the big question is why did he want that.

He may also claim that he stopped but I can tell you from my own experiance as my wife had an affair, the cheater tends to keep information back........they will share the bare minimuim with you.

I am glad that you got the answers that you think that you need but I would ask what pushed to that point with that woman.

Best of luck
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Old 07-20-2011, 09:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this acceptable!?! Does it make it any better!?!

He has been very remorseful and he says he doesn't know why it was stupid and he feels like a complete pos, I can guess it was everything at that time, we were living with family because of the economy, I was pregnant it was a very tense environment we lived in, so we fought a good bit and happen to be fighting that night. There is really no excuse for what he did no matter what but I guess temptation got the best of him I don't know, it just sucks we have so much hurt in our relationship now because of it.
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Old 07-20-2011, 09:08 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this acceptable!?! Does it make it any better!?!

Why hasn't he married you?
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Old 07-21-2011, 06:44 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this acceptable!?! Does it make it any better!?!

He has asked me in the past but we just never did it, mainly because our money situation but now he has set us back even further because marriage is the last thing I want to do right now.
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Old 07-21-2011, 06:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is this acceptable!?! Does it make it any better!?!

I don't know if I'm in denial but my mind doesn't run as rampant as it did before I ask all these questions and got things off my chest, it still hurts deep down but I somewhat feel better, am I normal, gosh I hate this up in down with my emotions...any advice?
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