Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 07-23-2011, 03:02 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

So four months ago was D-day. I caught my wife cheating with a looser, who had me thrown in jail on d day for threatening him. Me and the wife have been slowly working out our problems, and i believe she has finally told all the truth. Her affair was an EA and PA that lasted for 3-4 months. She says they had sex about 8 times in my house, and he was over every time I was at work. I work with an ambulance, and during the affair I was on mandatory OT, working 72 hrs. with 72 hrs off.
During the affair we had our 10 year marriage anniversary, and that has added to how painful the affair really was.
So...now things are going better, but what is weird is, that my wife is now trying to hook me up with one of her married friends who's husband won't have sex with her. I'm not sure how to handle this, as I don't want to hurt another like I've been hurt. She is even offering up a threesome with her. The offer is appealing, as her friend is down for it, but like I said, I don't want him to hurt like me.
Also, this affair she says was more emotional than physical, but after this, I'm not sure. Is it common after an affair for your spouse to be more sexual? How often in an affair is sex more rewarding or better? She says I'm a better lover, and has no complaints, but before the affair, she would have never considered this. I don't think she'd tell the truth about how sexually charged the affair was, or if she was more satisfied with him than me. She says she's more sexual because she's no longer angry at me, and has let go of a lot.
So.... my friends, what is your take on all this???? What do I say or do??? This offer is very appealing to the male, sexual pig side of me!!!
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Old 07-23-2011, 03:25 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

I think in a nut shell, it will validate her cheating if you do it...
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Old 07-23-2011, 03:27 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

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So four months ago was D-day. I caught my wife cheating with a looser, who had me thrown in jail on d day for threatening him. Me and the wife have been slowly working out our problems, and i believe she has finally told all the truth. Her affair was an EA and PA that lasted for 3-4 months. She says they had sex about 8 times in my house, and he was over every time I was at work. I work with an ambulance, and during the affair I was on mandatory OT, working 72 hrs. with 72 hrs off.
During the affair we had our 10 year marriage anniversary, and that has added to how painful the affair really was.
So...now things are going better, but what is weird is, that my wife is now trying to hook me up with one of her married friends who's husband won't have sex with her. I'm not sure how to handle this, as I don't want to hurt another like I've been hurt. She is even offering up a threesome with her. The offer is appealing, as her friend is down for it, but like I said, I don't want him to hurt like me.
Also, this affair she says was more emotional than physical, but after this, I'm not sure. Is it common after an affair for your spouse to be more sexual? How often in an affair is sex more rewarding or better? She says I'm a better lover, and has no complaints, but before the affair, she would have never considered this. I don't think she'd tell the truth about how sexually charged the affair was, or if she was more satisfied with him than me. She says she's more sexual because she's no longer angry at me, and has let go of a lot.
So.... my friends, what is your take on all this???? What do I say or do??? This offer is very appealing to the male, sexual pig side of me!!!
your wife made the choice that would possibly ruin her life as she knows it, ruin your relationship, and hurt you as much as she possibly can... on purpose ... for a loser! whats that say about your wife? If you go through with this disgusting 3 some (3 somes are awesome but in this situation its gross) and knowingly and willingly participate in an affair that would hurt her husband then you are no better then your loser wife and you guys are perfect for each other. If I was you... well I wouldnt be in this situation because I would have washed my hands of her the minute I found out she cheated...

personally, I dont think you should be saying "my wife cheated on me with a loser". I think you should be saying "I married a loser and I should have left a loooong time ago"
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Old 07-23-2011, 04:12 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

She's trying to even the score. She feels that since she got the chance to have an affair with another man, that it is only fair that you should have a chance to have affair with another woman in order for you to emotionally move on from her affair.

She said that her affair was mostly emotional rather than physical and in a way it makes sense because most women often cheat more for the emotional connection than for the physical one. She probably realizes that the PA part of her affair is the sticking point for you and she's trying to offer you a chance to sexually enjoy another woman.

But let's say that you talked to the woman's husband about whether it would be okay for him if you had sex with his wife and he said "go for it" and you did - which I seriously doubt would happen anyway. The problem may arise in that his wife may end up falling in love with you after a couple of sex sessions. She may even want to replace your wife and become your new woman. Don't think this can happen? Then read this thread from a woman regarding 3somes titled are they in the beginning of EA?
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Old 07-23-2011, 09:19 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

Walk away from this and seriously question your wife's commitment to your marriage.

You are being played for a fool .
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Old 07-23-2011, 09:21 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

Do. Not. Do. It. You have to be the bigger person and tell her you're not interested
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Old 07-23-2011, 09:32 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

I told my SO the same thing. He said he would never do it, two wrongs don't make a right. He ultimately did it anyway. Now we are still together but, all his A did was make a horrible situation worse. We are still together though. A work in progress.

She is testing you.
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Old 07-23-2011, 09:42 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

I'm agreeing with folks here. Settling the score by having you score with her friend only makes the slope that much more slippery. If she brings it up again, perhaps mention that you'll call the husband and see if he's 'down' with it.

Maybe that'll shake her up a bit and you can see what she's really trying to do.

Keep strong.
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Old 07-23-2011, 09:42 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

Dude, this girl is trying to make HERSELF feel better. By dragging you into something way more effed up, her indiscretions won't seem as bad. The whole situation should be avoided. Pidge70 is right. She's testing you.
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Old 07-23-2011, 09:47 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

If it were me I'd tell her to hire someone to start her car in the morning just to be sure.
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Old 07-23-2011, 09:49 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

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So.... my friends, what is your take on all this???? What do I say or do??? This offer is very appealing to the male, sexual pig side of me!!!
Just with the other person in the threesome being married, it seems fraught with peril for someone or a lot of someones to get hurt.

Does your wife say why she wants you to do this? Even the score? Give you a fun gift? Somehow make hers okay if you do this too? There may be a time and place in the future with a single third person that would make this work for all of you, but the circumstances in this and how soon it still is after her PA may have a lot of triggers.
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Old 07-23-2011, 09:53 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

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Walk away from this and seriously question your wife's commitment to your marriage.

You are being played for a fool .
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A wife who would even suggest this is not interested in the marriage. You may want to see a MC or start looking for a divorce attorney.
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Old 07-23-2011, 10:02 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

As has been said she's offering that for her own benefit not yours - it will "let her off the hook" so to speak.

I will answer another of your questions though. I was the cheater in an EA. Post D Day, through reconciliation (still in progress), and still today our sex life is significantly better than before my A, and it was pretty good then. I guess we have just reconnected so much emotionally and learned to communicate so much better that it has spilled over into our sex lives. Another reason is that in the process of having to deal with what I did my wife found a lot of self confidence - strange I know, but I'm glad she did. It reflects in how confident she is in the bed room, and I have to say confidence is sexy.
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Old 07-23-2011, 10:03 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

If you do this, then she is no longer a guilty cheating spouse - you've done it too, so you're even and she'll no longer need to feel bad. That's how she sees it.

Tempting though it may be, don't do it. Not so you can hold her cheating over her, but so that she can't throw the 3some in your face later as a reason why she doesn't need to feel bad.
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Old 07-23-2011, 10:05 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife wants me to cheat!!!!!

Reminds me of how I want the missus to cheat, it would let me off the hook since she has something I don't have; perfect record. And she uses it against me all the time... bah!

Makes me jealous
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