This is something I have been thinking about lately. I have read many of "findingmyway's" posts and this person was clearly all about sex, and would do anything to get it from other married women. He said that he would tell her anything *she wanted to hear*, blah blah blah just to get what he wanted from her.
So my question is, would these types of people even go so far as to tell the OW or OM that they LOVE them? Just for a sexual encounter(s) with them?
Yes. That is what most people value most, so it is either the weakest point to attack (convince them they are unlovable by anyone but the predator) or the strongest point of most leverage (convince them that you would die for them). Ironically, the only defense against this form of attack is true love, and as much as you can get in any form you can get it in.
Interesting, 13 years-20 OM and my wife also said this. I quess thats way no matter how bad things were in the marriage she keep coming back. It was all just a fantasy, a band aid for the unhealty marriage she had.
In WW case the "I love you" would have/and was a turn off for my wife, it meant the OM's were getting to close to her real world. It wasn't about finding love it was about putting a bandaid on her heart b/c the man she did love didn't love her back *me*......
My STBXH said to me he had a fantasy of 'making love' to the OW and then looking her in the eye and telling her that he didn't love her, he loved me. He is of course a very sick man. But that is what he said to me. I am not sure if it's true that is what he wanted to do or even if it was what he did. But it could very well be. I was told by the police that what he did to me was along the lines of someone with extreme control and power struggle issues. It is beyond his control. Even if he wants to control it, I get it that he cannot. He makes promises and within a week or even less the promises are broken. Mere mortals cannot fix someone with these issues. The kindest thing a person can do for everyone involved is to step aside...there is a path for everyone. Sometimes it stops at understanding. Understanding does not lead to overcoming or being able to make anything better.
I already put his tidbits in there. After he said that my response was, why would I want to be with someone who would do that to a woman, even an 'other woman'. It's just wrong on so many levels. And if he didn't mean it, why would I want to be married to a guy who lacks tact and logic and in general says things that are alienating to women! I mean, so far as I know, he was not on drugs when he said this.
LOL, wow, I'm a guy and I would never tell someone I loved them for sex. To me, it's a commitment when you say that and I'm just not that good of a liar. One time, I was sort of starting to date someone and I met someone else and we were talking and I was so consumed by guilt I had to leave. When I told the sort-of girl, she asked me, "Soooo... are you asked if we can be exclusive? I'm not ready for that yet." ...and that ended, which then freed me up to date other people and eventually find the woman would rip my beating heart out of my chest and drop kick it into a flaming trash heap.
My wife told her lesbian lover the same lies. Gender doesn't seem to matter when someone is all fogged up from their affair partner's breath in their brains.