You are following a script of a typical betrayed spouse , you are finding reasons not to sort this out now , you are looking for what if and how do I's . We are giving the way forward, tried and tested , if you are not willing to expose her in front of her friends pull them aside and ask them to leave , say she is conducting an affair and them being their is not helping you , then take her down, the weekend is an ideal time to crack this on the head.
Do not leave the house and do not ask her to leave , have it out, state your boundaries , write the letter to the OM's company then sit back and look after yourself. Run a 180 on her , start today your fear is stopping you from saving your marriage.
Everything written here is proven by others in your situation to work and is to help you , take the advice and look the storm in the eye. Posted via Mobile Device
Ill do my best to have it out as soon as I can. I was just asking questions for advice on what to do with the situation. (kid, etc) I will def. have it out with her - Im not going to stand by and support her and her child all the while she is masturbating to emails and/or telephone calls from this guy. This man cannot provide her with what I can provide - in any way... Turning my back on her may be the only way she will realize what she has. Im just contemplating when the best time to do it would be.. They are at in the pool drinking beer at home.. I dont want to be the arguing with a drunk person when I get home.. I will pick the right moment.
I would recommend you not do this at this point. You have described these as her friends. You may likely come off to them as controlling and she will easily gain their sympathy. Exposure is a valid option in an affair but is pretty much the nuclear option in my opinion. Keep it in your quiver for now. Confront her with what you know but don't expose your sources. This must be done in a confident manner that puts you in control. Again, contact with this man is a deal breaker. She needs to be made very aware of this and end the relationship before things will ever get better. Exposing it in front of her friends may feel good but I doubt you will harvest any positive results.
You are right.. the thought of telling her friends is tasty - but I dont think I can do that.. I dont want to mess up her friend's vacation - nor do I want to confront them if they are intoxicated. I am going to wait until the friends are gone, then speak to her about it.
You are right.. the thought of telling her friends is tasty - but I dont think I can do that.. I dont want to mess up her friend's vacation - nor do I want to confront them if they are intoxicated. I am going to wait until the friends are gone, then speak to her about it.
You are so right in that - you both want to be stone cold sober.
I'm kind of with F-102 here. You are sitting there shaking with anger, feel like your life is destroyed, yet you are worried about making HER uncomfortable?
I agree you shouldn't do that when either of you are drunk. But dood, get this done or it will eat at your soul every minute.
When I found my wife's damning email to the OM, I was out of town on a business trip - we were 2000 miles apart. I didn't even wait until I got home the next day to confront her. I had the email open and called her at 3am. Didn't care that I had to wake her up in the middle of the night.
When she didn't come clean, I read it to her. That's when it all started. DDAY on cinco de mayo.
I'm kind of with F-102 here. You are sitting there shaking with anger, feel like your life is destroyed, yet you are worried about making HER uncomfortable?
I agree you shouldn't do that when either of you are drunk. But dood, get this done or it will eat at your soul every minute.
Agree
Every day that passes takes a chunk out of your soul. You probably do not even see that you are the one that holds the cards, the OM is miles away, she needs your financial security , needs you as a step father , the OM is much older and from the sounds of it a player.
Take her down this weekend, friends or no friends the only loser will be her . Posted via Mobile Device
Every day that passes takes a chunk out of your soul. You probably do not even see that you are the one that holds the cards, the OM is miles away, she needs your financial security , needs you as a step father , the OM is much older and from the sounds of it a player.
Take her down this weekend, friends or no friends the only loser will be her . Posted via Mobile Device
BINGO. She will be scared out of her friggin' mind. You hold ALL the cards. Your wife is immature and has no idea what sh*tstorm you are about to unleash. She thinks it is all fun and games. I can't wait for you to do this - her behavior is making me trigger just reading about it!!
Please don't take it personally but U need to MAN UP not little bit but really big time this woman will never respect U with that damn attitude as U sated that U got all the her fine life style in ur hands so please do something soon to make her face the reality and get her out of lala land and tell her how spoiled and self centered person she is and that she must seek professional help for that or else she can go to the OM to take care of her and her son
Change all of the locks on the house, then park a U-haul in your driveway, put all of her stuff in it, and when she comes home and sees it and has the nerve to ask the inevitable "You're leaving?", just toss her the keys and say : "No, YOU are." Then when she tries to follow you into the house (she won't be able to get in, as you changed the locks), threaten to call the police.
You'll be AMAZED how fast you become the most important person in her life again!
Yes. You are a Nice Guy. And your wife has no respect for you.
It's time for you to start growing, my friend.
Get some books to start....
No More Mr. nice Guy
And
Hold onto your N.U.T.S.
These two will get you started.
Then go to the Mens Forum and read up on boundaries and Nice Guys. And Fitness Tests and Manning Up.
Then go to marriedmansexlife.com. Read all you can about becoming more alpha. Atholk's web site and book are awesome.
Next, get some balls. This isn't about how you feel you would hurt your wifes feelings by confronting her about the affair. It's about how she sh$t all over yours. If that makes her uncomfortable, who really cares. Never ever be scared if your wife or scared on conflict when it's required.
Start the 180 technique. Start focussing on you. Drop the relationship temp to absolute zero. She doesn't get your love back until she proves she deserves it.
Should I email the guy and tell him to please stop talking to my wife as it is putting a dent in our marriage? Ive got his work address - so I suppose I could send a physical polite letter to that office (which will probably scare the **** out of him). I would never be threatening - i will just state that my wife's dishonesty has forced me to play this hand and that he should not be speaking to my wife AT ALL.. I would have been fine if they were friends - but it has grown to be more than that so their ability to be friends is no more. Should I tell her parents and friends that I am worried that she is having an affair?
You are way way too submissive. Please? Do not beg another man to not take your wife away. Man-up. You have nice guy syndrome and you are not meeting your wife's needs.
While it is still an EA sending nude pictures is an escalation. That was a month ago. She must go NC. You must grow a pair.
Seriously you really have not chance to do anything positive as long as you have not rersepct for yourself. Allowing your wife to continue on and let anothe man have her makes you look even more unattractive. I don't intend to be mean but when I see guys like this it make my stomach upset. It is just so weird and foreign to me. It is a level of being cuckolded. <vomit>.
Might be too much drama to do it in front of her friends.. Im just really angry with all of this.. She is obviously addicted to the attention that he provides. Its just so WEIRD. He lives 2000 miles away, and as far as I can tell have never talked face to face. What can this possibly get her, other than a thrill up her leg? I mean the guy is 50+ and she is not even 30 yet... I dont even know if she would have the guts to meet face to face - even though she has expressed that desire on occasion via email.
What do I do about my stepson? She may ask me to help with her kid while she is working alot over the next 3 months or so... Do I say 'no, I wont help' if she does not agree to no contact? If she does not agree to no contact, do I cancel her cellphone and car insurance immediately? Do I tell her to get out, or sleep in the spare room and pay me rent? Her car is in both of our names.. my car is in my name, the house is in my name, all of the furniture is in my name.. basically she has nothing. Maybe the scare will make her wake the hell up.
So the friends visit is more important than your marriage. There in lies the problem. You are not taking your marriage seriously. This is why she is cheating non you. You are ot being a man. You do not care enough about her to act.
I would tell the friends you have a family emergency. If your wife fought you I would say in front of everyone that she was having an affair and that you need to to stop this non-sense right now and that they need to leave. Exposing an affair is part of the process anyway. This just makes it convenient.
Can you be more submissive!? Stop it!!!
She has not stopped her affair while the friends are here. Why should you wait?
Her friend came in late last night - I did not want to get into it with her yesterday afternoon just before her friend came to stay with us. Maybe I should have, but I just didnt want to. What is so weird is, she has been putting on the 'trying to make things work' face for the last month. Yesterday/last night was no exception. I get home from the gym, after work - and she has dinner all prepared for me, she has been cleaning the house ,etc..
Then she volunteers the info 'you are my best friend, I would never want anyone but you - there's only one person I would let touch me'. She has said that before - while we were intimate: "You are the only one who could ever touch me this way" sort of thing.
The sad thing is, she says all of this out of one side of her mouth - because the moment I go to bed, she emails the guy mushy sh*t like "im thinking about you" and the guy says crap like "You make me feel so special, its been so long since I have felt this way" . Pretty standard emotional stuff. Luckily the spare room is all set up, so as soon as this friend leaves, thats where she will be sleeping. I know for a fact she wont send him a no contact letter in front of me.
Can we assume her friend is a female? Sorry I have to ask under the circumstances.
The friend probably knows about the affair already. If she was invited to comew stay with you, you should have known. That is disrespectful for your wife not to share that with you.
There is no excuse for your wife having an affair. But you arew the problem right now. Your lack of action and flat being submissive. BTW they will try to get together so do not be surpised if this guy suddenly visits where you live or suddenly your wife says she is leaving with her firend to go visit or go on a vacation. Each day you let go the worse this gets.
This guy can never just be her friend. He is a predator. He wants in her pants and he will have to get closer for that. The pictures she is sending now are probably most graphic.
You may even want to forego trying to keep her and just let her go and move on. Work on yourself and after you have maned up then have the relationship you want.
Re: Wife having an EA.. 
