I am a former chaplain and pastor. You did good under the circumstances and it is great when we have a good network of like minded folks out there. I have basically gave up my ordination this year (I have yet to renew it) because of my wife's A and the way I handled it. Sometimes it is best to move on from ministry.
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This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
I am sorry for what you are going through. I guess things like this really do happen to everyone. I don't really know what to say to ease your pain because there honeslty is nothing anyone can say. So I'll say this pray, pray and pray some more. But not just that she comes back but that his will be done. When I started parying for that instead, For some reason things became just a tad bit clearer.
Again I am sorry that you have to endure the pain of betrayal an with such and added kicked in the gut makes it worse.
I wish you th best. Good luck. And there are ppl here that can make your walk through this time in your life less lonely.
I am incredibly sorry for what happened. My ex wife had an affair with a good friend and when I found out what happened (she didn't tell me)...I blew a gasket and she left. We have a son together so I have to stay in communication....and I hate to have to be in communication. Are there children involved? It is harder to have someone walk away, unremorseful, and then have to deal with them over and over. In time, it is not painful but it is annoying.
Recently I had a mirrored event with my new wife but we are trying to work through this...she has been remorseful and is doing her part to help fix things.
I hope you can get past this and understand that while you will want to blame yourself, and I still do from time to time, you will learn that she made a decision based on selfishness and spite and that it is not your fault.
I'm so glad that you're doing well moving on w/ your life. You know, your wife really doesn't love herself. Her continued moving says that she is unsatisfied. But she's going to take that baggage with her wherever she goes. By the way, I'm a Christian, who has read Buddhist teachings. I think it's helped me understand Jesus in a different light. Peace to you.
I'm so glad that you're doing well moving on w/ your life. You know, your wife really doesn't love herself. Her continued moving says that she is unsatisfied. But she's going to take that baggage with her wherever she goes. By the way, I'm a Christian, who has read Buddhist teachings. I think it's helped me understand Jesus in a different light. Peace to you.
My thanks to you, friend. Maybe some light Buddhist teachings can help her, but I fear that it is much more likely that she is hoping to find some sort of validation for her behavior in them. Part of the reason she ran away, I believe, is because she knows that she has brought much shame upon herself, even more so than she has brought upon me.
I will concede that sometimes I wish she would just swallow her pride and come back, but I believe that she is never going to mature that much until very late in life.
One of the things that I am reluctant to admit is that I still love her dearly. I believe I always will. The affection, passion, and sheer zealotry I have for that woman refuses to diminish. The difference is that I am able to put away the impulse to pine for her. I simply won't do it- she either changed, or was never the woman I loved to begin with.
I must disagree with you on one thing, though- I believe she loves herself, and only herself. Many people will sometimes ask "How can someone love themselves and still do something like this?" I liken it to asking the question "How could a woman love herself if she has an abortion on a whim?" I think rather the problem is far too much self-love, not too little.
There's no question about how I feel however. I do love her, and always will. Nevertheless, I put her up on Cheaterville today.
I am a former chaplain and pastor. You did good under the circumstances and it is great when we have a good network of like minded folks out there. I have basically gave up my ordination this year (I have yet to renew it) because of my wife's A and the way I handled it. Sometimes it is best to move on from ministry.
You, WhiteMousse, and marksaysay are the three ministers here on TAM that have been devastated by infidelity. It's tragic.
I am 25 yr old.now i am gonna look for 15 yr old chick.
Take it from much older and hopefully wiser bastard. Date lots of women, marry late in life, and get you a woman, that after five-six years, still thinks you hung the moon and the in the missionary position you can still make her have multiples.
Take it from much older and hopefully wiser bastard. Date lots of women, marry late in life, and get you a woman, that after five-six years, still thinks you hung the moon and the in the missionary position you can still make her have multiples.
When you say teen, I hope you mean 18-19. (you being 25 and all ) I've got a 20 year old grandson. ) And don't get into a serious relationship with a baby less than 25. You ain't been around long enough to have any no sense so you know a 18 y/o ain't gonna have no sense either.
My thanks to you, friend. Maybe some light Buddhist teachings can help her, but I fear that it is much more likely that she is hoping to find some sort of validation for her behavior in them. Part of the reason she ran away, I believe, is because she knows that she has brought much shame upon herself, even more so than she has brought upon me.
I will concede that sometimes I wish she would just swallow her pride and come back, but I believe that she is never going to mature that much until very late in life.
One of the things that I am reluctant to admit is that I still love her dearly. I believe I always will. The affection, passion, and sheer zealotry I have for that woman refuses to diminish. The difference is that I am able to put away the impulse to pine for her. I simply won't do it- she either changed, or was never the woman I loved to begin with.
I must disagree with you on one thing, though- I believe she loves herself, and only herself. Many people will sometimes ask "How can someone love themselves and still do something like this?" I liken it to asking the question "How could a woman love herself if she has an abortion on a whim?" I think rather the problem is far too much self-love, not too little.
There's no question about how I feel however. I do love her, and always will. Nevertheless, I put her up on Cheaterville today.
I fear that you have an unhealthy attachment to this woman. In traditional Christian terms, perhaps a "false idol?" This can take so many forms for so many things. I hope for you that your fondness for her will become centered on the good memories that you have of the two of you together. In my experience, people who continue to harm themselves do not suffer from self love, but from self hate. She is an unfortunate person, and one you should avoid.
I fear that you have an unhealthy attachment to this woman. In traditional Christian terms, perhaps a "false idol?" This can take so many forms for so many things. I hope for you that your fondness for her will become centered on the good memories that you have of the two of you together. In my experience, people who continue to harm themselves do not suffer from self love, but from self hate. She is an unfortunate person, and one you should avoid.
I think you're absolutely right. I've had numerous people tell me that God took her away from me for my own benefit, because A) She was damaged, and did not know how to be a good wife, and B) because she was my everything. I loved her more than anyone or anything, including God.
Idolatry is a very accurate way to describe my love for her. The good news is that I really am moving past her; this week was tough because it was the one-year anniversary of her departure.
The things I truly wrestle with now are how to process- why did she really leave? Was she a bad wife, or was I a bad husband? Did she turn evil or was she always such, just with an excellent guise? Was she unhappy because of me, or because of her? I can hypothesize but unless she's willing to talk and especially get counseling (which she's not), there's no way to decipher these things.
Everything is called into question for me. Was I a bad lover? Was I just bad-tempered? Did I not praise her enough? Did I not challenge her enough? I am a bit haunted, but the vast majority of these hauntings are musings, questions about my own personality, not hers. I don't know what she takes away from this experience, but I am engaging in some deep, deep introspection.
WhiteMouse, when I was trying to work my way through the depression following my wife's affair, I saw a counselor, who by the way, was an evangelical minister in his former life; he asked me to read Ecclesiastes. In a subsequent session, he said to me, "The real question asked in Ecclesiastes is, Can you live with the uncertainty?" If you can get your mind around that one, you'll be a long way down the road to healing.
WhiteMouse, when I was trying to work my way through the depression following my wife's affair, I saw a counselor, who by the way, was an evangelical minister in his former life; he asked me to read Ecclesiastes. In a subsequent session, he said to me, "The real question asked in Ecclesiastes is, Can you live with the uncertainty?" If you can get your mind around that one, you'll be a long way down the road to healing.
You're right. That is the question. And the answer is given at the end: Fear God and keep His commandments, because that is the whole of mankind.
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Re: My Wife Cheated And Left 
