Well, I finally did it and confronted her last night. It didn't happen in the way I expected, but it's done.
Anyway, I had gathered more than enough information, including recordings and emails, about her affair. It is so blatant it is also ridiculous. Yesterday, after dinner, she received a call and went to take it in the bathroom -- in hushed tones.
I don't know why, and it probably wasn't the right thing to do, but I wondered what would happen if the situation were reversed? So an hour later, I called myself on my personal cell from my business cell. I picked it up, walked out to the balcony and pretended to talk in hushed tones. When she followed me in, I said "Have to go, and hung up."
She exploded, demanding to know who I was talking to! (Wow! On the first "mysterious" call! I have suffered about 100!) I told her "nobody", which was true, and it got worse. She pried my cell out of my hands (no problem, nothing to hide), I went to take a shower. When I came out, she was on her Blackberry, so I returned the favor and pried it out of her hands. She was texting the OM, who was listed by name, and saying she loved him and if she married him she'd be the happiest woman in the world. He said something to the same effect.
That was the signal for my declaration. I told her I knew she was having an affair, I had lots of proof, and it was over. I started to pack my bags, as I had been preparing to move to our bigger and nicer house we are building (it's 85% finished).
She blew up, starting to accuse me of all kinds of awful things (none of which has any truth), and demanded that I return her cell. I said yes, once I had seen all the messages. She responded by smashing my cell on the floor. I did the same thing with hers, and kept the chip. (I don't care about mine, there's nothing there.)
As I was taking my bags out of the apartment, she took my briefcase, which had my laptop, and tossed it out of the 12th floor window to the (unoccupied) terrance below. I did the same with her purse, and left, not before she gave me a good whack on the head with the big television remote. Ouch!
We both went downstairs to find our stuff. Mine was stuck on a second floor terrace, and I might not be able to get it. It's probably a wreck anyway. Most of the laptop files are backed up at work, so it's not a total loss.
Her purse, however, was open, and all the stuff in it went flying -- and the wind was up, so it scattered it everywhere. I helped her pick up a few things, determined that I couldn't find any more (including my briefcase), and said a quick good-bye.
I got into a taxi 10 minutes later. The new house isn't very comfortable yet, almost no furniture, but it was quiet and peaceful.
I wish it hadn't happened this way, but it did, and Uptown was right on that she became this ferocious monster.
I have had a few items of good luck in what I took and how I left, which I won't post here. But one of them is that I had accidentally left my VAR on -- it recorded the whole thing. I just listened to it this morning -- she sounds like a raving maniac, while I am just expressing disappointment and the usual bitterness of being betrayed. (I have been living with this for so long, I don't have the anger that I might have had a few months ago.) This recording could come in very handy if, as Uptown warns, she escalates the action.
I am changing the locks on the new house and seeing my lawyer again on Tuesday.
Last edited by Berilo; 02-08-2012 at 08:12 AM.
Reason: Delete some extraneous personal information.