My wifeís behavior over the past three or four months has been very strange and erratic.
We have been married for two years. She is 38 and I am 47, first marriage for her and second marriage for me. We donít have any kids. Fortunately, we donít have any major financial or health or family issues to deal with.
I see she married late, at 36 yrs old. You have no kids together and in good financial shape. But you have noticed a sudden change in behavior in the last 4 months.
Last night, she came home late, walked right by me (when I had my outstretched arms open for hug), took a shower and went to bed. She turned her back to me. I gave her a hug and asked what was wrong and she said ďnothingĒ.
. Google signs of infidelity, and you will find this is a red flag. Often cheaters who have just come from a sexual tryst with their AP will come home and head straight to the shower.
THREE RED FLAGS
Thatís when the light went on in my head. I connected the ugly recent dots. She has been very secretive with her cell phone and computer for the past few months. Two months ago, I observed a few too many calls with a certain male co-worker. When I commented on it, even half-jokingly saying I was a little ďjealousĒ, she warmed up nervously -- and we had great sex that night.
. Too many calls to an unknown number, guarding her cell phone and secret computer use.. She then gave you sex to throw you off the trail.
I checked the cell phone and there is no record any more of this guy calling, but there are two names of men whose names I hadnít heard before and who call way too much, and out of business hours. I fear these are fake names for the same guy.
Because she thinks you suspect, she's now using an affair phone, which she already has a ready made one - her business cell phone. This is where there communications will be.
Last week, late in the evening, I came out of the bathroom half-way through my shower because I needed the new shampoo I had purchased. I overheard her on the cell-phone, talking in affectionate, hushed tones to someone. I didn't let on I had heard.
Not unusual, but taken in context with the other red flags, this does become suspicious behavior.
We left for work a little late yesterday in her car, and she had her personal cell phone on hands-free. One of the two "names" called (it was displayed on the dashboard) and she hung up twice, without answering. Minutes later, her business cell phone rang, and she pretended that the male caller was a formal business contact, but the info she gave him and the really quick sign-off suggests anything but. She didnít say who it was but turned rapidly so sweet and nice to me (like old days), asking if we should ďgo out for dinner tonightĒ.
Another sign of an affair. Receiving calls, but quickly hanging up when in your presence. Then fakes being nice to you to throw you off the track.
You have unwittingly found the way you are going to catch her. More on that later on.
I donít have any hard evidence about an affair, so nothing conclusive to confront her with. But my gut is screaming otherwise.
Even without the affair, this pattern of self-centered and controlling behavior is very distressing.
Anyone have any advice?
- Sudden change in behavior that started 4 months ago
- Heading straight to the shower upon coming home
- Secretive computer usage
- Secretive phone usage
- Calls to/from a strange number
- Quickly hanging up cell phone in your presence
All the red flags point to an affair, most likely not just an EA, but a PA because of the red flag about heading straight to the shower. Since she has a business cell phone, the OM may be a coworker - the most common affair is the workplace affair.
Right now you don't have the evidence to confront. If you confront now, you will be gaslighted, made to think you're just crazy and jealous. Time to gather your evidence. Install computer monitoring software on the computer. This will allow you to obtain her passwords and find out what's going on with the OM, possibly how often they have sex and how long its been going on. Here's some good examples. Best Computer Monitoring Software 2011 | Reviews, Ratings & More
Since she guards her cell phone and is probably using her work cell phone as the affair phone, you may not be able to install phone monitoring software. Here's some software IF you are able to access her phone: Mobile Spy - Monitor SMS Text Messages, Call Info and GPS Locations on iPhone, BlackBerry, Android, Windows Mobile and Symbian OS Smartphones. Spy Software for Monitoring your Cell Phone MobiStealth | Mobile Spy Software, Cell Phone Spy Monitoring, GPS Location Tracking App For $39.99 | iPhone, Blackberry, Android, Symbian/Nokia Spyware
IF you aren't able to access her cell phone or her affair phone, then you will have to try a Voice Activated Recorder (VAR). Like I said earlier, you stumbled on the way you are going to catch her. You can get a VAR, and stick it under her drivers seat in her vehicle with industrial strength velcro. If there is one place cheaters feel safe talking to their affair partners, its the vehicle. People in this forum have had good success with VARs. Here's some example of VARs Philips - Voice Tracer Digital Voice Recorder - LFH061227 Walmart.com: Sony ICD-BX8112 Digital Flash Voice Recorder: iPods & MP3 Players
Its a bad sign that she's already cheating so early in the marriage. And she has already exhibited controlling tendencies. You need to find out exactly whats going on before DDay.