We met at match.com in 2001, got married in 2004, we have 3 children, 8, 6 and 2. Our marriage was never been good, he was controlling, condescending, I don’t want to be controlled so I retaliate, when he tried to change, I didn’t believe him so we stayed in this cycle of no progress of getting our marriage in the right track. May 2014 I had enough and I left the house part-time (2 to 3 nights a week) to get away from him, I wanted to take my children but I know this is only temporary and I didn’t want to disturbed their life until I know what I wanted to do. He’s the primary care taker of the kids because he decided that he doesn’t want to work anymore. I come home 4 to 5 times a week to be with my children (I stayed in the house on those days). We still did things as a family, going out to eat, went to the zoo, etc. We never talked about separation but I did talked to a lawyer about divorce but never went through with it, I’m not ready that I just want time away from him. He tried to get me back full time by sending me flowers, talked to me about staying. August of 2014, I came back full time and resume our marriage. In September we had a big fall out again but this time I stayed and by November I tried to come back in our marriage fully but he told me, he doesn’t want to be married anymore and that he barely had feelings for me but he said he will think about it. Couple of days before the Dday, I had a surgery and he told me he love me and I told him not to leave me so I thought this is a new progress for us.
On 11/17/2014 his phone malfunction and I saw the text from the OW. Lied to me that he met her in a depression forum, so I started investigating and found the OW number. Texted her, told me that my WH is divorced and that I don’t have a visitation rights to see my children, that I have mental illness, spoiled etc. Then she told me that he met her at match.com and that he slept with another person over the summer that he met at match.com too.
What I found out was:
1. 2 weeks after I “left”, he signed up at match.com pretending to be separated-divorce
2. Created google voice so the potential OWs will not know what his real number
3. Used me as his babysitter to go out with his girlfriends – Lied to my face that he needs a break from taking care of the children, he was going to watch a double header movie, he’s going to help a friend to move out, etc.
4. Went to Florida with her and paid almost $3,000.00 for 3 days (he told me his friend invited him to stay with him) – I took a vacation day from work so I can stay with the kids because I though he’s been taking care of them he deserve to go
5. Brought my 14 months old daughter to his lunch dates
6. Made out with her while my daughter was in the back of the car
7. Worse revelation was: He brought the OW in my house had sex in my bed several times while my children was sleeping in the bedrooms. He said, he thought that I was not there and the kids were asleep and wants to see her so he invited her over. She came over about 2 to 3 times for about week for 8 weeks.
8. After he got dumped by the OW, we had a fall out again Sept 2014 he signed up again with match.com again and found the second OW.
I tried to stay with him for 9 months, I thought about my children and I still love him and he is completely remorseful but I can’t. The severity of his infidelities is too much to take. I filed 6 weeks ago and it breaks my heart so much that my children lives are going to change because of my decision and their father decision to cheat.
So far we are in process of a big custody battle, he feels that the children needs to stay with him because he’s the primary care giver (the only reason why he’s the primary care because he chose not to work anymore). I offered him 50/50 but he refused.
This experience is so traumatizing for me that it change my point of view of marriage, trust and my life. I grew with a father who cheated left and right and I told him I don’t want that life but here I am, married to a cheater, a future divorcee and a future single parent. This suck!
Sorry about a long post
On 11/17/2014 his phone malfunction and I saw the text from the OW. Lied to me that he met her in a depression forum, so I started investigating and found the OW number. Texted her, told me that my WH is divorced and that I don’t have a visitation rights to see my children, that I have mental illness, spoiled etc. Then she told me that he met her at match.com and that he slept with another person over the summer that he met at match.com too.
What I found out was:
1. 2 weeks after I “left”, he signed up at match.com pretending to be separated-divorce
2. Created google voice so the potential OWs will not know what his real number
3. Used me as his babysitter to go out with his girlfriends – Lied to my face that he needs a break from taking care of the children, he was going to watch a double header movie, he’s going to help a friend to move out, etc.
4. Went to Florida with her and paid almost $3,000.00 for 3 days (he told me his friend invited him to stay with him) – I took a vacation day from work so I can stay with the kids because I though he’s been taking care of them he deserve to go
5. Brought my 14 months old daughter to his lunch dates
6. Made out with her while my daughter was in the back of the car
7. Worse revelation was: He brought the OW in my house had sex in my bed several times while my children was sleeping in the bedrooms. He said, he thought that I was not there and the kids were asleep and wants to see her so he invited her over. She came over about 2 to 3 times for about week for 8 weeks.
8. After he got dumped by the OW, we had a fall out again Sept 2014 he signed up again with match.com again and found the second OW.
I tried to stay with him for 9 months, I thought about my children and I still love him and he is completely remorseful but I can’t. The severity of his infidelities is too much to take. I filed 6 weeks ago and it breaks my heart so much that my children lives are going to change because of my decision and their father decision to cheat.
So far we are in process of a big custody battle, he feels that the children needs to stay with him because he’s the primary care giver (the only reason why he’s the primary care because he chose not to work anymore). I offered him 50/50 but he refused.
This experience is so traumatizing for me that it change my point of view of marriage, trust and my life. I grew with a father who cheated left and right and I told him I don’t want that life but here I am, married to a cheater, a future divorcee and a future single parent. This suck!
Sorry about a long post