Originally Posted by chapparal
On a side note, how long did the relationship between his dad and OM last?
My H's Dad is still with the OW, they finally got married the year I met my husband (17 years ago). But I'm fairly sure my H's Dad has cheated on the OW at some point over the years. Two years ago they separated for about 6 months, but everything seems to be fine again. I don't see it as a blissful union, but now that they're "old" they're stuck with each other.
My H's Dad and Mom were not the best examples of fidelity in marriage. I guess they used to "swap" with neighbors, but I have no clue if this was before or during his Dad's affair with OW. To make matters worse, his Dad and Mom hooked up a few times after they started divorce proceedings. False reconciliation for the kids and his Dad essentially "cheating" on the OW, since she had no clue.
My H witnessed some really f'ed up behavior and poor role modeling through his parents, he totally remembers his Dad being an @hole to his Mom. After d-day my H finally could see that he was on the fast track to being like his Dad with me. Why some people can overcome their past and not relive it, while others seem to repeat history baffles me.
Anyway, one's past is not an excuse for cheating but at least shows where some attention can be paid during counseling. Childhood isues? Yes!
Walt, it seems you're being a strong and stable parent for your children which is what they need. In my H's situation he felt abandoned by both parensts. His Dad lived in another state with the OW and her son, while his Mom had to scrape together every month to make ends meet. My H would watch her cry over overdue bills and used his own money from a paper route to buy after school snacks. This will not be your children. You're being proactive in making sure they feel safe and secure, which is what they need most from you at this time.