Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree6Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 08-07-2011, 08:11 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 6
Default Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

I've been with my wife for almost 7 years now. I'm actually still in Iraq and am on my way home soon. Like the title says, my wife had a one night stand and ended up pregnant. She says that she was overwhelmed with depression about me being gone, got drunk and made a mistake. It's been 6 days now since she told me through Skype. I want to work everything out and get our happy marriage back. She is devastated by what she has done and i can tell she hurts knowing how much she has hurt me. I'd like some advice on how to get the image of my wife sleeping with another man out of my head. Any advice or comment about this thread is appreciated.
montana16 is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 08-07-2011, 08:17 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
that_girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Wherever I lay my head.
Posts: 9,869
Default Re: Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

First of all, thank you for your service.

Secondly, I doubt it was a 1 night stand. She just doesn't want to admit to everything right now.
that_girl is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2011, 08:25 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 8,424
Default Re: Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

First, thank you for the service to our country

Man thats tough, its been 17 month since I confronted my cheating wife. For me, I just forced the mind movies out and replaced them with the good things like getting home and often repeating to my self...a montra if you will. For me I would repeat "I diserve good things". I used to do it a million times a day not so much anymore.

Right now alls you have is mind power, keep forcing them thought out with "it will get better" or "I'm almost home" find something that works for you. I also started a journel, it helped me gain some control over the b~llsh~t things that were going through my head beside the act its self, basicly what ever I had a question with or a thought, I'd write it down then I could re read through it and try to make some sence of it.

Keep posting here to vent, for me it also is a big help. There is alot of good stuff here. Especially when you get back and have more time to deal with this sh8t. Right know just keep your self focused on being safe.
the guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2011, 08:26 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 135
Default Re: Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

Dude... are you ready to rear another man's kid? That will be a constant reminder of her cheating ways... NO WAY IN HELL would I bring that kid up as mine, sorry.

This is the thanks you get for putting youself on the line for every single one of us. My props go out to you and the rest of the men and women in your outfit, but your wife is a real piece of work.
BigBri is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2011, 08:34 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 128
Default Re: Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

The only thing that you remove those images is time.

I must agree with tg, it was probably much more than a one night stand. She is going to have to come clean and be honest with you, and the truth probably won't come willingly or all at once. She needs to understand that complete transparency is required for reconciliation. Yes, it is going to hurt, but she needs to get it out in the open so it can be dealt with. The problem with lies is that people can never keep them straight and the truth, or pieces of it, will eventually make its way back to you. If she continues with the one night stand, I was drunk, BS then any progress you think you will be making will be for nothing and the damage will end up being 10x what it would be if she was honest from the start(that will be hard for her to believe right now, but its true).

Considering this resulted in a pregnancy, my guess is she has already told the OM. Regardless what that person thinks now, he will more than likely want to know his child in the future, so she can bet this person is going to come back into the picture, assuming he has even left it, which will greatest decrease any chance of her being able to maintain a lie about what happened while you were deployed.
bs193 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2011, 08:39 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 8,424
Default Re: Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

There's alway adobtion, I'm against abortion and its not the kids fault, so there will for sure be alot to struggle with.

But for now force those mind movies out. Stay with his wife or not he must prevent the mind movies one way or another.

Montana,
This may not be for you but I wanted details....think hard and long about this, and bewarned. But for me the details that came out of my cheating wife mouth were better then what my imagination had.

Granted she could have lied and most likely downed played alot of went on. But my wifes "acts" deminised with time and just the plain fact that she had an affair is more in my thoughts then the act.
the guy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2011, 08:49 PM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 135
Default Re: Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

It's not the kids fault, but he/she will always be a reminder of the affair. And to what bs193 was refering to- if this guy wants access to this child, he will be forever a thorn in the relationship if he choses to reconcile. Most men would not put-up with that... I know I wouldn't... leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
BigBri is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2011, 08:52 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 74
Default Re: Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

First off Thank You very much for serving for all of us, people dont say those works enough but I can tell you I appreicate what you are doing over there.

There are a few things here, the first one is the fact that your W went and got in that postion while you are out making a pay check and defending her freedom, that is the one that bothers me, the fact that I am assuming she was having unprotected sex as well is behavior that is not acceptable.

My situation is not the same as yours as I am not deployed for months on end but I was on the road every week for several years.

As others have said it is possible that this was a one time deal but I would have to agree that it is somewhat doubtful.

As for getting the images out of your head, that is a tough one, I have not been able to do it and part of it is cause I know the guy...

I can tell you stay calm and try to see if it can work, it sounds like she is showing remorse and reget which is good, mine did not do that and tried to blame me for it.

I wish you the best in this issue and your deplyment and I will keep you and your fellow soilders in my prayers. You can get through this but she needs to be fully on board and above board to make it work, it sounds like she is accountable so that is a great start.
howcouldshe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2011, 09:05 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Atholk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,429
Default Re: Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

She accidentally went somewhere with men and booze when she was ovulating.
She accidentally got drunk.
She accidentally had sex.
She accidentally didn't use protection.
She accidentally didn't use the morning after pill.

There's no way you can ever be comfortable being deployed again leaving her home alone.

Right now you are on the hook for 18 years of child support unless you start the process of dealing with that legally immediately.

I'm so sorry.
__________________
The Mindful Attraction Plan
Atholk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2011, 09:16 PM   #10 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 6
Default Re: Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

I am confident that my wife is telling me the truth about it being a one night stand. I plan on confronting her again on the subject soon. She says she is willing to do whatever it takes for this marriage to work, that includes abortion (which we are both against). The fact that she was strong enough to tell me gives me confidence that she wants us to work.

I've been trying as hard as i can to keep busy and do whatever i can to keep my mind off of the subject since I'm so close to going home. I know that a lot of these feelings are going to come forth and might even be stronger when i have to confront here face to face. I've talked to a lot of her friends and they can all tell that she is suffering from what she has done.

The fact is, is that i don't want her to suffer. She knows exactly how i feel about everything and I remind her everyday. It's only been 5 days, so who knows where this could be going. So far it's looking like we can get through this, but am i going to ba able to be happy about our decision? I know its a question i have to ask myself, and i ask it constantly.

Anyway, Thank you all for your posts, They are all appreciated.
montana16 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2011, 09:39 PM   #11 (permalink)
Lon
Member
 
Lon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,979
Default Re: Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

Montana, sorry to hear about your situation... personally, knowing what I know now about my own marriage and dealing with the thoughts of the OM (plural), it is hard enough without having to think about having to raise some other dudes offspring. Like the guy I'm not in favor of abortion but there is the other option of adoption. If she wanted to keep the baby I'd be long gone, not my problem (she broke her marital vows so their is no moral or ethical requirement for you to reconcile or take this on). If you don't already have kids I'd also bolt, its not worth the knowledge of her being with OM when you are deployed (past and future).

If its just advice on how to get the imagery out of your mind I'm sorry I don't have an answer yet, maybe time will help, maybe electroshock therapy ?? Wishing you a good recovery from this whatever course of action you take...
Lon is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2011, 10:03 PM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
RandomDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 7,483
Default Re: Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

I have no respect for scum who steal soldier's wives while they are out risking their lives for their safety. Darn if only there was a way to punish these scum by law - it depletes morale.

Anyways I'm not for adoption, I'm more for abortion. I'm definitely not going to encourage you raising the kid up as your own as it's going to be painful even if half of the kid's blood is your wife's. The thing is, adopted kids do always feel a sense of rejection and pain and personally I would spare them being born into this and give them a better chance in another life. But that's just me.
RandomDude is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2011, 10:06 PM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 
Entropy3000's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: In Love
Posts: 9,769
Default Re: Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Atholk View Post
She accidentally went somewhere with men and booze when she was ovulating.
She accidentally got drunk.
She accidentally had sex.
She accidentally didn't use protection.
She accidentally didn't use the morning after pill.

There's no way you can ever be comfortable being deployed again leaving her home alone.

Right now you are on the hook for 18 years of child support unless you start the process of dealing with that legally immediately.

I'm so sorry.

Last edited by Entropy3000; 08-07-2011 at 10:33 PM.
Entropy3000 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 08-07-2011, 10:21 PM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 378
Default Re: Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

Montana, sorry for this. Keep your head on straight until you are home safe.

Now, if you would care to take a look around this sight, you will see that you are not alone in initially being cetain that she is telling you the truth....but the fact that she did this is absolutely proof postive that she has ZERO credibility. She told you because she is scared. I am with you on abortion.

If you do not have kids, pop smoke and move out. Stay safe and be strong.
Locard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-08-2011, 12:31 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: So Cal
Posts: 4,370
Default Re: Wife had one night stand and got pregnant while I was deployed to Iraq.

This forum is a great place for betrayed spouses to get much needed emotional support that they may not be able to get from friends or family. I hope you consider coming back when you feel the need for it.
__________________
"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

Links
morituri is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Bf had a one night stand and got a girl pregnant way before we dated. Advice?? princess89 General Relationship Discussion 50 09-21-2013 03:50 PM
Help I'm Hurting-Wife One Night Stand(s) Gregor Coping with Infidelity 82 12-06-2012 08:15 PM
My wife's one night stand. hansolio Coping with Infidelity 59 06-15-2012 11:08 PM
Wife cheated while deployed and got pregnant.. Is there still hope? Brexin Coping with Infidelity 160 04-05-2012 02:02 PM
Wife Cheated and got Pregnant while I'm deployed brokenmilguyAZ Coping with Infidelity 75 01-01-2012 11:21 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:18 PM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage